Underage sex

[EmLou66]

My dd who is 15 told me yesterday that she lost her virginity a few weeks ago. She said she was worried about my reaction, which is why she didn’t tell me right away.
I am totally devastated. To be honest I have no idea how to proceed. I’ve got her booked into the doctors in a couple of days as she said she ‘mainly’ used contraception the few times they’ve done it, but that they had used the ‘pull out’ method a couple of times too.
I suffer with poor mental health and I just don’t know what to do I feel like a total failure. We’d discussed sex and relationships etc in detail, and I didn’t see this coming at all. I can’t consent to them doing in my house but nor do I want to lay the law down and alienate my daughter. I’m sick with worry, any advice or similar experiences would be great. Tia x

Firstly how old was her partner?
Is she is a relationship do you know the guy is he nice loving respect?

Is suggest getting her on the pill and encouraging her to take it each and every day!
Was it his first time is the risk of STD there?

If the relationship is loving respectful kind etc and between peers then I would step back and leave them to it.

If you don’t want it in your house which is fine- id say I want you to be safe and loved but I would feel uncomfortable about you having sex in this house

I dknt have a daughter that age but I do remember being that age as I'm currently in my 20s.

I also lost my virginity at 15, and although I get on with my mum very well I still to this day don't have the type of relationship with my mum that I have talked to her about it, so the fact that she told you shows you have a great relationship.

I think you've done the right thing booking her an appointment as I think safe sex is the most important thing here.

Unless her boyfriend is 17+ I would suggest you get over it.

Is her relationship stable and power equal? If so I'd just let her crack on. Sex is fun and she's found that out.

You can hammer down on safe sex, I would absolutely go to the doctors and get a long term contraceptive fitted.

We were on a crowded train when DS2, also 15, cheerfully announced that he thought I'd like to know that he was now sexually active. I could have done without knowing tbh, but I was flattered he felt I should know. And so should you be.

The most important thing is safe sex, followed closely by trying to find out if he's treating her well. Sadly a lot of young men these days have learned terrible attitudes from the abusive porn that's everywhere these days. Choking, anal, slapping...Boys learn it's normal and girls are bullied or persuaded to comply. It's a different world.

It’s great that your DD has told you that she has lost her virginity, that speaks volumes about your relationship with her and it must be good.