Should I tell ex's partner he cheated

[mytittifersungtheirsong]

Long story short. Ex dp left me for OW when I was pregnant. All very traumatic and I ended up sleeping with him twice in the 5 years that have passed since then. He instigated the sex and in between the sex he sent several message with sexual content. I will admit there was part of me who slept with him to get revenge on OW as I perceived her to have ruined my pregnancy. However I also realise my anger should be directed at exp.

They are engaged with 2 kids. Sex happened after there second child was born, last year. Ex is a horrible narcissist and has treated me and OW appallingly. I know sleeping with me was a power trip for him and no feelings involved (whereas for me I have been really struggling to let go and move on). I have seen several counsellors re this.

He rarely sees our dd and is very sporadic in contact. He threatened me that if I ever told his partner about his infidelity he would break contact with dd. However, he has now decided to cut contact with dd himself eg refusing to discuss plans for her to visit and ignoring all communication. Therefore it doesn't matter anymore if I tell his partner or not.

Honestly reasons for telling his partner would be a bit to get back at him. However, she is not a bad person, has been kind to my dd the few times they've met and I genuinely don't want to ruin her life or anything. However, exp has basically sexted me countless times, said derogatory things about their sex life, cheated on her and is generally a really nasty piece of work . If it was me, I would want to know how little respect my partner had for me.

My dilemma is therefore do I tell her he has been cheating on her. And yes I accept my responsibility in that I allowed him to cheat with me.

Thankful for any thoughts.

I doubt she would take it well coming from you and it's not really going to make you feel any better but what the hell. She could probably do with a heads up.

You say you recognise part of your involvement in this situation was because you couldn't let go; you say you have seen counsellors and started some work on this toxic relationship. Your reasons for telling seem far more connected to getting back at one or other of 'them' - for that reason I wouldn't do it. This man sounds very dangerous to your well being and that of your daughter - he doesn't seem to care about anyone and if you take revenge on him I think he's likely to take revenge on you and he doesn't seem bothered about who it affects. You have a very young child in the mix and your focus should be on protecting her. Who he is will become very apparent to this woman at some point (when that is really shouldn't be your concern) she may well seek you out then and ask you information to help her make the decisions she will need to make when its her turn to save herself. I would focus on healing your self; moving on with your life; I would treat this man like an enemy (ie keep your friends close and your enemies closer) learn to manage him using what you know about him but protect yourself. I would aim to get as far away from him as possible.

I would tell her. What have you got to lose. It won’t go down well with her but it’s usually best to tell people the truthz

Thanks for the responses. Yes a huge part of me feels like she should know but I also hear what the pp says about him maybe getting revenge. I would not put it past him stopping maintenance for example and I'd have to go through the whole stress of sorting that out.

Yet there is still the part of me who feels so cross that he can get away with such shitty behaviour towards me, dd and his partner.

Why would you want to lower yourself...it makes you look desperate...he left you for another woman...they have two kids together, and you are still clinging on letting him use you for sex...you won't come out of this looking good at all, you will look cheap to let yourself be used like that...and catty to try to break up a family...think of those two kids, what did they ever do to you?...do they deserve to have their family ripped apart because you can't keep your legs closed and your mouth shut?...yes he has cheated on his current girlfriend...but nobody forced you to be involved...you opened your legs willingly...

If I was you I would let them have their family life together..
He doesn't want you, if he did he would never have left you for someone else and had a family with her....let go of him and move on