Toxic friend

[Custardee]

Looking for advice on relating to a friend who has become more and more toxically negative about me and my children over the last few years. Little comments questioning my parenting, the character of my (kind) children, my career... I don't spend any one to one time with her but she's in a group of friends who meet up regularly, we have all been friends since our children were in a parent and baby care group. I am a chatty person and find it hard not responding when spoken to. How do I shut down conversation and particularly the probing questions that I know from experience are going to lead to me being upset? It's ok (ish) in a group but she tends to pick me out at some point and then the questions and comments start. I know it may sound a bit pathetic but it's getting me down.

It might be a cliche but people only act like that when they are feeling insecure themselves. Focus on that, and for any predictable topic/question that might come up, practise vague, evasive non-answers and then how to flip it round onto her... be a politician!

Good luck xx

As BobbleHat says it's an insecurity thing but it's no fun being the one they 'pick' at.
Could you just smile happily and say "I know you won't approve but hey ho - different folks and all that."

Or you could snarl " And your issue is exactly what???

I dont think she's your friend. She is an aquanuance at best. I think you need to distance yourself. Don't give her any ammunition!!

Confront gently. So when she starts just raise an eyebrow and call her out on her comments.

So probing comments are met with a 'whew, that's a very personal question, isn't it?' ,

or comments about your career 'wow, did you really just say that? That's actually very hurtful to me', ,

remarks about your dc 'gosh, did you just imply x about my dc?'

Ask a few others in the group if they've picked up on her behaviour towards you, and see if they can shield you from her.