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Ethical dilemmas

Worried about neighbour's 2 year old child

27 replies

Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 20:48

My neighbour is somewhat 'off her head'.

She is a single mother with a 2 year old child. We have deep concerns over the child's wellbeing and safety.

We own our home whilst our neighbour rents from a housing association, so we won't be moving from our home for her!

Since she moved in (heavily pregnant) we have had constant issues with her and have complained to her landlord about her screaming, shouting and carrying on all times of day and night.

Since the child was born things have got even worse!

We have had police involved over domestic issues between her and her boyfriend which has included physical and verbal violence. On occasions when her boyfriend (assuming the child's father) visits now, she takes her kid out onto the driveway and the dad spends time with the child in his car on her driveway (and this can be at 10 o'clock at night!).

She doesn't seem to get up before 2pm (this means the child is still in pyjamas in his cot at this time) we can hear the kid rattling at the cot to get out! We have seen him in the garden in his pyjamas at 3pm, he's not even been dressed. We can then here her screaming at the kid to "get to bed" at 11/12 o'clock at night! No wonder he can't sleep at night when he's in bed all day!

We have had issues with her playing dance music ridiculously loud (which we can hear over our TV and washing machine) this happens on a daily basis. This is beyond annoying and frustrating for us but that poor kid must be deaf by now!

The shouting and swearing continues (at her child) - she was at it again this morning - I recorded her shouting "where's my phone/give me f phone/why you touching it" and then she ordered the poor child back to bed at 10.30am.

She has previously locked herself out of the house with the child inside, her reaction to this was to kick and punch her patio doors screaming at the kid (who was howling his little head off - 18m old at the time) "open the f door".

We can smell weed from her direction and have reported this, again, we're told there is no evidence to act on this and she has had several different men around at her property where we can hear her having sex - really loudly (so her child will obviously hearing it).

We have called the police a few times over these incidents but they don't seem too bothered and give the impression that we have nothing better to do than phone them and have in fact told us to stop phoning unless they need to come out to respond to something i.e. an emergency.

Our neighbour has been around to our house and threatened me stating if I call police on her again then it will be me needing them. The police state that this is not a threat unless she is physically carrying an attack out on me as she is saying it and refused to act on it. Her mother has been around to the house threatening me telling me to move and telling me that my family cannot park outside MY driveway as she doesn't like it and also I will never have her daughter evicted (funny enough this woman works with a housing project company) - the police again did not follow up on this.

We have had noise recording equipment in the house several times, provided by environmental health, they have evidence all of this is going on but they are to and fro-ing with the housing association as to who's problem this is to deal with.

We contacted the police again last week due to the neighbour's boyfriend turning up at 4am, smashing his car windows in on the driveway before taping up the window holes and leaving at 5am (leaving glass all over the driveways and road). Again not bothered and they in fact told us to contact the council about any problems re: noise! Never mind the fact that someone is stood outside my house at 4am with a hood up, smashing a car up!

Our next step is take all our evidence to the social services/NSPCC as no-one else is bothered. The only thing with this is the amount of trouble that comes with it (we have already had 2 threats!) which they know the police aren't bothered about.

What else do we do?

OP posts:
springbabydays · 02/08/2015 20:51

That's awful. Please call the NSPCC for advice. Flowers

RiverTam · 02/08/2015 20:55

Social services, I can't imagine why you haven't contacted them already.

Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 20:58

because the police know about this, their neighbourhood officer has been involved, shouldn't they be doing something about it?? - plus I actually enjoy being alive, thank you for your support

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Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 21:00

As the local authority are involved and have evidence (that we're not privy to) shouldn't they be sharing it with the safeguarding team??

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Hassled · 02/08/2015 21:02

You have to go down the NSPCC/SS route - at the heart of all this there is a very young child who needs someone to look out for her. It must be really hard for you - I do sympathise, but you have to do the right thing.

Hassled · 02/08/2015 21:03

They may have evidence but sometimes it just needs one more thing - one more phone call, one more report, to be the tipping point for action.

merrymouse · 02/08/2015 21:09

I don't think alerting social services involves 'trouble'. You make the report and they decide whether to follow it up/add the information to their case notes.

dietstartstmoz · 02/08/2015 21:09

Please call your social services dept in the morning and report it as an urgent safeguarding issue. That child should not be in that environment for another 24hrs and the mother obviously needs help. Please report it. When you hear of serious case reviews after a childs death it is often reported that agencies all knew some information but no one pulled it all together and the child did not get help. Please keep calling daily if needed. Social services asap. Poor little mite

merrymouse · 02/08/2015 21:10

Certainly you should be able to get advice from the nspcc before making any kind of formal report.

RiverTam · 02/08/2015 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 21:13

thanks for the advice everyone, will phone nspcc for advice and see what they advise. It's hard to know what the correct route is, I have my own SC safety to consider especially when we are already being threatened.

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BaguetteMaid · 02/08/2015 21:14

The swearing and ordering the child back to bed is upsetting, poor thing. Sad sounds like an unstable and unhappy home. Call NSPCC to get their thoughts. I'm sure they've come across much worse neglect but still, the child doesn't sound like it's mother cares much about them.

Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 21:14

@RiverTam,, excuse me??

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Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 21:24

it's people like you that stop people like me reporting things like this!

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Lullaby15 · 02/08/2015 21:25

I have got the details for the out of hours SS and am contacting them for advice (thanks to most of you for your help)

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ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2015 21:28

Yes you should have contacted them, obviously you should. There is a baby at risk and nobody is doing anything. If the council is treating it as noise nuisance /asb they may not have made the child protection link.

machair · 02/08/2015 21:31

Speak to SS and also to your Solicitor to see if you have grounds to obtain a Protection from Harassment Order.

Baffledmumtoday · 02/08/2015 21:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jo4040 · 02/08/2015 21:33

Please please please take all the advice. I couldn't finish reading what you wrote, it was really difficult. There is a little child that needs your help. Please do something.

avocadotoast · 02/08/2015 21:41

NSPCC can make a report to SS on your behalf if you don't want to give your details. I've done it before. They were very helpful and I think something must have been done because things did calm down a little afterwards.

Pipbin · 02/08/2015 21:42

Ideally the police should have involved SS and I can see why you would assume that this was going to happen.
Sadly it's not always the case - please call SS and ask them for advice.

theendoftheendoftheend · 02/08/2015 21:45

Keep calling, from what you say it doesn't sound like the police are dealing with it correctly. As you say, if police are aware they should be sharing the info with SS, the boyfriend/ex smashing up his car is a domestic related incident and should be dealt with appropriately. There maybe things going on in the background you're not aware of obviously, but asking you not to report incidents relating to DV and child protection is odd and wrong. I once had to call police regarding a neighbours child. The attending officer did not deal with it correctly, luckily I knew the DI for the vulnerable persons unit for the area and was able to raise it directly so the incident was looked at again and appropriate action was taken. My point is you can't always rely on it to be dealt with correctly on initial reporting. I would contact NSPCC, SS and also call 101 and make a complaint about how the whole thing has appeared to be handled so far. Don't be fobbed off or silenced.

gamerchick · 02/08/2015 21:47

I you are worried about the kid then ring social services.

Frankly your motives for doing it aren't for the welfare of the kid I don't think. Your post just smacks of social housing scum you just want gone being the all important home owner and all that.

If you're for real then help the kid.

BlueberryWafer · 11/08/2015 07:34

I would go down the NSPCC route and they will contact SS on your behalf. Sorry you're stuck in this situation it must be awful knowing there's a child in the middle of all this and not being able to help them. Hope you get somewhere with NSPCC.

GlitterySparkleChops · 13/09/2015 15:16

It doesn't matter if you contact SS or NSPCC, both offer you full anonymity if you report concerns about a child, in fact why bother putting a middle man into the mix by contacting another agency who don't have the same legal status to assess your neighbour as social services?. Also do not assume that the police will contact social services, some councils have excellent joint working and safeguarding agreements and others do not so you must contact them directly to be sure. I know it's hard as you live next to this woman but if you have real concerns you have a duty to report them to the authorities.