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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Is this acceptable?

21 replies

bigknicks · 03/10/2011 09:57

Hi, never posted on this before! Feeling really upset with my husband, it was about 11.30 last night and we had had a disagreement, which I think was due to my husbands tiredness and stress, and to cut a long story short, because I did not want to talk about it until the morning, he threw a glass full of cold water over my head while I was trying to get to sleep, soaking my hair and pillow etc, I felt a bit humiliated to be honest, and like now I had to get up, and talk about it, and sort out the water etc. I would really like to tell someone, and hear them tell me not to be so sensitive, but I dont want to portray him in a bad light to anyone. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 03/10/2011 10:00
Shock

Seriously? You need to ask if this is okay? I'd have smacked Dh round the head with the soggy pillow and then nicked his dry one.

Does he do things like this often? Being tired and stressed is no excuse to behave like a dick towards your loved ones.

When did we get an ethical dilemmas topic btw?

HerdOfTinyElephants · 03/10/2011 10:04

No, of course it's not acceptable. Unless the disagreement was over whether or not your pillow was on fire.

GypsyMoth · 03/10/2011 10:06

No, it's abusive

What else has he done?

MysteriousHamster · 03/10/2011 10:10

Post in relationships, you'll get more responses.

Pouring cold water over someone (particularly not in the middle of the row, but while said person is unsuspecting that anything might happen) is abusive.

FetchezLaVache · 03/10/2011 10:13

Good one, HerdOfTinyElephants!

That's a revolting way to get you to feel you "had" to give in to him and discuss it. Do you really feel that if you told someone in real life, they'd tell you to stop being so sensitive? And why do you feel you have to protect him/his image- because he wouldn't want people to know he treats you like that? But he can't have it both ways. If he genuinely believes this is a reasonable way to interact with his wife, on what possible grounds could he object to your telling people about it?

booyhoo · 03/10/2011 10:15

it's not ok at all.

you didn't want to discuss the issue so he physically manipulated you into having to stay awake when he knew youdidn't want to. notright at all.

Original poster
bigknicks · 03/10/2011 10:16

Hi, thanks so much for responding. He's done it a couple of times but would never do anything worse, it would just sound so pathetic and ridiculous if I told my friends or family! It helps to know I'm right in thinking it unreasonable!

OP posts:
Original poster
bigknicks · 03/10/2011 10:19

Oh just seen more posts. Thanks, and sorry, it appears im in the wrong topic room, ha ha!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 03/10/2011 12:42

He would never do anything worse??

How can you be so sure?

pictish · 03/10/2011 12:48

There are two seperate types of abuse going on within this incident.
Firstly, the glass of water - short, sharp, shock....very aggressive, totally unreasonable. It's humiliating and incredibly disrespectful.
Secondly, preventing you from sleeping and making you pay attention to him. Controlling, and bullying. Outright.

It's up to you what you do about it, but be aware yanbu. He is. And how!

pictish · 03/10/2011 12:51

I have had this done to me. Not the water....but have been prevented from sleeping after a disagreement. I have been pulled out of bed by the leg and dumped on the floor, elbowed back awake, and loudly sworn at while drifting off at 3am when he just would not let it drop or allow me to.
It's torturous and utterly fucked up. If me makes a habit of this then that's deffo problematic.

pictish · 03/10/2011 12:52

That's if he makes a habit of this.

Hassled · 03/10/2011 12:53

What everyone else has said. This isn't standard, normal behaviour in a marriage - it really isn't. This is bullying. If he doesn't want you to portray him in a bad light then he needs a long hard look at himself.

MyBaby1day · 24/10/2011 07:51

NO!!, that is abusive (physical abuse) and no man should EVER treat a woman like that!!.

zippey · 18/05/2012 10:48

I think its his way of stopping the conversation without being violent. It not nice of course, but maybe he didnt know how else to get you to stop the argument and he wanted to get some sleep? Speak to him about it. I dont think it is crime of the century but its not nice either, but you should also have just let it lie as well perhaps?

Dropdeadfred · 18/05/2012 10:54

The op was not continuing an argument she was trying to get to sleep

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 18/05/2012 10:54

Way to blame the OP Zippey someone throws water on her and thats her fault Hmm

OP take no notice of that post, focus on the other ones. Its not ok, you dont have to put up with it.

Dropdeadfred · 18/05/2012 10:57

Op clearly stated that she didn't want to continue talking and wanted to leave it until the morning

AMumInScotland · 18/05/2012 10:58

Zippey - you've also resurrected a thread from 6 months ago to tell her to put up with this crap Hmm

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 18/05/2012 11:04

Christ I didnt even see the date! Hmm

zippey · 18/05/2012 11:40

Oh yeah I didnt notice the date either! Hope the situation got sorted out then! talking over things like this is always the key.

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