Is anyone else going through house clearance after death?

[ClearingAHouse]

I'm not sure where to put this and 'Bereavement ' doesn't seem appropriate. Is anyone else struggling with this?

Yes, I'm also dealing with this at the moment. It seems like an overwhelming task at times, but we are making progress.

We have used a charity doorstep collection, who have been very helpful. The ones we use prefer a maximum of 20 bags or boxes at a time. For us this has been great as filling 20 boxes seems a manageable task, rather than feeling totally impossible.

I also have spent a lot of time shredding every single piece of paper kept for the last 50 years which I find a curiously soothing occupation.

I went to view a retirement complex a few years ago. It was an open day with coffee and talks from various professionals about downsizing. The best speaker was an auctioneer. They offer an inventory service and will value, collect and sell valueable items taking a fee from the profits. They will then advise regarding house clearance firms.
BHF and Hospice charities will take large items in good condition for free.
Animal charities will take old chairs and sofas.
I am going through this atm for a friend whose late husband was an obsessive hoarder.
Based on this experience I am starting the inventory process for myself. At least, hopefully, it will be mostly done by the time I go. I have a few antiques, medals and so on. The dc can decide what, if anything they want to keep.

Yes. Mum is still alive but we need the sale of the house to fund the care home fees. One sibling and I agree about most things. Our other sibling is a different matter.

This is without doubt the hardest thing I’ve yet faced in a life full of toxic employers, redundancy, illness and bereavement.

Yep - did family home after DM died 6 years ago and DF died exactly 6 weeks ago and so I had to do his care home room too. Also did it with no sibling support but my 85 year old aunt played a blinder and left, victoriously holding aloft an unopened pack of M and S knickers from DM's wardrobe! 😂

It's a horrible thing to do, DP were also war babies so there was all sorts of stuff - old medicine bottles from the 80s, records with no record player, mismatched buttons, keys etc.

I did a full fortnight at the house, with the aid of two skips for things that needed chucked - broken furniture, empty takeaway containers, out of date food in the cupboards etc. I sanitised personal letters, belongings etc. I had auctioneers in for antique furniture valuations and sent them off. Mum's clothes went to air ambulance and that's where Dad's went too. Same as PP my aunt didn't want to see people wearing her things. And then I locked the doors, left the keys with the neighbours and booked house clearance. Honestly, anything more than that would have sent me mad.

Had asked my siblings if they wanted anything and arranged shipping etc. Two of them are now complaining 6 years later that I got rid of everything despite saying they wanted nothing but those items on their lists which I arranged. Go figure. 🙄

It’s a horrendous process! That generation threw nothing away. Good stuff or shite.

I don’t know how many sets of china we found, with no idea who most of it belonged to. Crystal glasses still in their boxes, never used. Stuff belonging to grandparents and great-grandparents. Diaries, notebooks, wall calendars from years ago. Model cars, old clocks, books by the yard …

The fact that my parents never made a decision about what should happen to all their stuff made me feel better about getting rid of it. They left us with some nice stuff, and a whole load of old stuff that should have been donated/binned decades ago. The fact that we inherited the decision-making, as well as the stuff, has made the process easier!

We had a free scrap metal uplift for a lot of stuff in the garage; free uplift of furniture from a local charity; paid for other large items to be taken away; made umpteen trips to the recycling centre; sold stuff on eBay; kept photos, family paperwork, some china and crystal. We’re 12 weeks on and mostly done. Physically and emotionally exhausted.

While my mum was in hospital, I spent my mornings having a clear-out in my own house. I’m determined not to leave DD with the volume of STUFF that we had to wade through. From now on, my attic is for suitcases and Christmas decorations and nothing else! We couldn’t get moving in my parents’ attic to start sorting through the stuff - we had to fill the bedrooms with the stuff and sort it from there.

I’m also no longer buying STUFF. Christmas fair? Makers’ market? No thanks - it’s all just STUFF that DD will have to deal with one day.

We are coming to an end of clearing my parents' house. It's taken a while and been overwhelming at times!

What we have done to help clear the stuff:

Salvation Army, BHF and local hospice pick ups for furniture.
Local charity shop for Bric-A-Brac and clothes.
Some furniture donated to a supported living house for SEN young adults.
Charity clothes bank
Local free to collector group on FB.
Halfords Bike recycling scheme.
Facebook Market place (to give away as well as selling)
Ebay
Giving items to family members

Good luck to anyone facing this 💐.

I can’t just bin the lot as there is lots of valuable stuff in amongst the detritus.

Realistically - how valuable?
Were they antiques collectors?
Are you talking about a few thousands of pounds, or many tens of thousands?

Because if it is likely to be only a few thousand, would it be better to just get in a house clearance company and let them have it? How many weeks at your hourly rate of pay is it worth to do it all yourself?

Of course, I am not talking about sentimental things.

Perhaps you could just box up everything made of paper and put it all in your garage (if you have one) to sort at your leisure, then get the clearance company in for the rest.

I left it to my DH to sort out as I couldn't face it. I told him I was not Interested in any photos/paintings/jewellery etc. He sold what he could and the house clearance company took the rest. I then sold the house. I never set foot in it after my DM died.

As in your case and another thread running on MN at the moment, it is important to get it in writing what family do and do not want. A text/WhatsApp conversation will do. Just in case they complain at a later time.

Based on this experience I am starting the inventory process for myself. At least, hopefully, it will be mostly done by the time I go. I have a few antiques, medals and so on. The dc can decide what, if anything they want to keep.

I did this for DB a couple of years ago. I left details of where the paperwork is, instructions about asking a close friend if she wants anything in the way of books or trinkets, told him the same, and where to dispose of the rest.

Thankfully @AbouttimeIhadanewusername got it all in emails - which have now been reforwarded to refresh memories 🙃The main protagonist was reminded that he said he was "indifferent" to anything in the house...

I think I must be a bit hard-hearted because I’ve actually found it quite satisfying to clear out cupboards and drawers full of accumulated crap and give the place a damn good clean.

My sister’s even worse than me: I’d put aside some things I thought we might want to keep, and she binned most of them (some of which found their way back out of the bin later).

My mother did a fair bit of tidying after my father died.

My ex Great Aunt in Law was in the antiques business so managed to sell a tea service with the proceeds spilt amongst her great nieces and nephews

I was sat in front of a pile of paperwork feeding it into a shredder 'One sheet at a time sweet Jesus' as it was inadequate for the job The worse thing about it was that I had given it to her for Christmas, why was I such a cheapskate?

One of my brothers reckoned that the Vikings had the right idea, pile everything up put the body on top and set fire to it!

Excellent!

My DM lived with us and was very organised and I only had a room to clear but that was bad enough. There are some ornaments in a box I haven't gone through yet.

I think it's ok not to be too hasty about some things, you may regret it.

Can I just check with those who have used a house clearance firm - will they take everything in the house ? LIke a removal firm but you just never see any of the stuff again ?

I know it is going to cost money, but I really can't face doing what a lot of you have been doing taking clothing to one place, getting charities to collect furniture etc ... I'm hoping that once we have a buyer for the house we just get a company in that will remove everything - including e.g. the box of out of date food cans that we've put in the garage and the broken chest freezer.

Am I being unrealistic in expecting to find a company that does this ?

as my sister is an estate agent who has to face this problem often for clients, she arranged a home clearance firm to work alongside us as we cleared everything out. i took what i wanted which was very little i think she put most the sentimental stuff in her attic which, more years than i care to remember, she is starting to sort things out. she has asked me if i want a silver tea service which she understands is not really my thing but has generously offering it for me to sell to help with my new home. i think it was for my parents 25th wedding anniversary. we were lucky with the clearance a lot of furniture was older style which at the time was not wanted so they took back to their premises to burn i do not think the charity shops round here took furniture then but to be honest the option that was taken was prob the best

I think I must be the most unsentimental person ever. With my dad I spent the weekend going through his home and took home photos, a couple of his favourite books, records and important documents. My DC was moving around the same time so I booked a removal company and he had my dad’s sofa and bedroom furniture. Then I arranged a house clearance company to clear everything. It was all done in 5 days with three trips to his house which was an hour away.

I did similar with my DM, this time it was my sibling and I. We took home what we wanted and what my DM needed in her nursing home and again hired a house clearance company. It was all done in three days.

This is exactly what they do.

Yep!

Been doing bits and bobs since May. Now we may be going to move back there and sell ours! So we do need to crack on as we have our own load of rubbish to clear out as weve been here 32 years.

One really hard thing I found. A BHS bag, at the back of Mums wardrobe. Every wedding card and telegram from their wedding in 1965. Every card and telegram for my birth, and my brothers birth. Nothing else. It hit hard they had made a specific decision to keep those and nothing else like it. So i quietly replaced them back in the bag. But whats the realistic end point? They wont be museum pieces, I doubt my kids will want them.

I love the fact I know almost all the people that sent them. That was a lovely feeling of family and enduring community. But surely that it now, isnt it? All purpose has expired?

Yep! My Grandad.
It's hard not to be sentimental but we didn't know 90% of the stuff was in the loft. We've had to make a real effort not to keep things but we've had a giggle along the way at memories.

My favourite thing is finding the bag of unwanted presents he'd put in the loft. Lots of 'Ooo we bought him that!' 😂

I found presents in both my parent’s home that were from me and untouched. I brought them home and used them.

I best thing of my dad’s I kept was his sewing kit. It’s the perfect size and much better than my previous big box. It’s nice think of him each time I repair something.

Do you mind if I ask about the timescales as I will soon be facing this.

After the death of your parent and the funeral, getting probate and selling the house. I assume you kept the house 'dressed' for the selling stage? And knowing how long it takes to sort probate and sell a house, I assume I will have quite a few months to sort out the "stuff", leaving just the furniture etc once it's sold?

Also, how many hours/ days is the job taking for those of you who are going through everything?

No, it was about 12 years ago but this is what a house clearance company did for us.

I was a few hundred miles away from the parental home. Parents died in a nursing home near me - but refused to sell the house on the basis that they "might go home".

I had small DC, in school and nursery - and was working f/t - nightmare!

I was very lucky that an old family friend had recently retired and had time on her hands - we paid her to sort and get rid of stuff and trusted her to pull out anything important. Honestly it made life so much easier..... I'm not sure I would have coped trying to do it myself - siblings were overseas.