Live in care vs a care home

[Elderlyparentquery]

My 74 year old mother has Parkinsons, and after a few falls and weeks in hospital she cannot transfer by herself (staff use a Stedy), or really mobilise safely either. She also has fluctuating confusion, and we're not sure why (and can be worse at night). She would be self-funding care, and someone told us that live-in care might be better for my mum than a care home. I think live-in care might give better quality of life than a care home, and would mean she would get her Parkinson's meds on time. Unfortunately her current abode is a one-bed retirement flat, so she would need to source a 2-bed flat to have live-in care. We also don't know what the prognosis is, and that makes it tricky. We also don't know if she would manage having someone in her flat all the time, at the moment she gets very suspicious about the hospital staff. And any 2-bed flat would be a completely new environment for her. We are also wondering how live-in care works with someone who has confusion? I have carers myself, but I can tell them what I need them to do.

Does anyone have experience of live-in care with someone with confusion? Or should we just opt for a care home?

I have experience of setting up live-in care for a family member, and of finding residential care for another. My family member with live-in care had significant dementia, and it was difficult for her to accept or understand having someone else living there. However, she also hated residential care, and we were asked to remove her when she was in a care home, so live-in care was the least worst option. It did take a lot of organisation and management - a few carers didn't stay long, and they all of course had to have some time off each day, so we had to find other care to cover that.

In your situation, I wouldn't consider live-in care, as your mother would need to move house before this could be set up. A move would be stressful, and if the live-in care doesn't succeed or she needs residential care at a later stage, you'd be looking at another move. I'm also not sure how well live-in care would cope with someone with mobility problems - my family member was less physically disabled. If she can't stand safely, does that mean someone needs to be with her at all times, or is she unlikely to try to stand without help?

we had live in care for my father which thankfully he could fund, but he needed 2 with his dementia as he wouldn’t sleep. It was more expensive than even the fancy care homes, and as pp have said I was still running his house, the carers, his medical apps etc etc. I wouldn’t want my child giving up so much for me

The only real benefit of live in carers is if it enables your mum to stay in her familiar environment where she feels safe and knows the neighbours, where everything is kept etc. Her confusion is likely to be worse in a new place.

Also, she is only going to get worse, so anything you do is likely to only be a stopgap prior to going to live in a residential home anyway.
I think the kindest thing would be an earlier move to a home.

I just wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone for sharing your views, it's really helped us make a decision!