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Elderly parents

Nursing homes say "unable to meet needs" of mum but NHS say palliative care required not hospice end of life care.

76 replies

listitorchuckit · 30/09/2026 00:20

As a family we seem to be in a catch 22 situation in respect of obtaining the right care for 88 year old mum.

Hospital are keen to discharge her as there's nothing more they can do for her (she's now bed-bound, catheterised + using incontinence pads and on a syringe driver for pain relief). Care at home isn't feasible, we're told that she requires a nursing home place. The local nursing homes which state on their websites that they provide palliative care, are saying that they can't meet her needs.

She has terminal bowel cancer, is barely eating, just about staying hydrated, but pain is being controlled by morphine pump and she's reasonably compos mentis.

What do we do ?

OP posts:
Twoweeksinaugust · Yesterday 07:24

listitorchuckit · 08/10/2026 22:05

As the hospice weren't willing to admit her, as she wasn't deemed to be close enough to end of life, we had no choice but to find a nursing home.

We were already being let down with failed promises for support that she was supposed to have been receiving at home before she went into hospital, including by the community nurse. My parents home is 20 miles from the nearest town, things may be better in a more urban/less remote area. Having strangers coming and going was really unsettling for my dad who has been diagnosed as in the early stage of dementia.

I'm sorry OP it sounds incredibly hard. Is your DM still in hospital? Can the discharge nurse give you a list of suitable homes and you phone around yourself? As awful as it'll be you often need to do a lot of the leg work yourself.

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