Future Inheritance of family valuables

[EatenTooMuchChocolateAgain]

I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the correct place.

Elderly parents have made Wills/PoA several years ago. They’re both increasing frail and seem to be getting their affairs in order recently.

Today they’ve given me a “letter of wishes” signed and dated. It sets out a list of various antiques, a couple of paintings, valuable ornaments and some jewellery. They’ve written which relatives they’d like each item to go to after their death.

Im happy about their forward thinking and my initial reaction was that it’s great to know their wishes. Now I’ve thought about it I’m not sure they’re doing this the best way?

My sister and I will both be executors, but her relationship with our parents is much more distant and they have fallen out multiple times over the years clashing with differences of opinion. Sister had an alcohol problem for many years, then had an affair. Our parents didn’t approve of her chaotic lifestyle. Our parents have helped both of us out financially over the years at various times, but it has worked out that they’ve helped me more than her (not a huge amount more, maybe £2k, but she feels it’s unfair).

Now my parents have written this letter, with no intention of showing my sister. They’re putting a copy with their Will with the idea that once they die my sister and I will just distribute everything as per the letter.

The problem is the items being left to my family are vastly higher in value than the things being left to my sisters family. I can just imagine the upset this will cause when she finds out.

Im not close to my sister, we only see each other once a year and never chat on the phone. She doesn’t know anything about my day to day life and know very little about hers (except everything she plasters on tick tok!).

Has anyone navigated this situation before?

What is the best way to deal with this? My parents said they don’t want to pay the cost involved in getting the Will amended?

I assume all these items will need inheritance tax paying on them too?

Should have said this list of wishes isn’t being added into the Will so it isn’t official.

They need to remake their will to include these valuables. It is unlikely to cost that much. Tell them that otherwise there is no guarantee that these items will end up with the intended recipients and that your sister is likely to be difficult.

I agree.

Or alternatively, give some of the items as gifts now. If the estate is likely to reach the inheritance tax threshold, giving them now might save the tax/some of the tax on those items.

Yes I would agree with the first reply. The lawyer who prepared my will persuaded me not to make my daughter’s the executors because it so often causes family rifts ( I thought it silly because one is a lawyer). I can see this might be true.

In your case it seems it may be true. I think you need to tell your parents that their wishes need to go into the will.

I’m not sure about inheritance tax, I would guess it would be high enough but I don’t know.

Yes they could give some items early, I’ll talk to them about it when I see them in a couple of weeks.

Yes it would be easier if it is all in the will. I’m starting to wish I wasn’t an executor!

I don’t understand why they didn’t just update the Wills! They could easily afford to do it.

Sorry OP but apart from politely and neutrally pointing out any disadvantages you see in this plan to your parents, you mustn't interfere with their choices. They didn't have to show you either their wills or their letter of wishes. And they may change the letter of wishes at some point. Just leave it, honestly.

I’d agree if she wanted them to change the contents generally. But I do think it’s a bit unfair when people leave things in a way that could predictably cause an issue, and don’t think it through in terms of the people who will have to deal with it.
If you want to leave something to someone, give it to them, or put it in the actual will.

OP has every right to tell her parents that, but they have the right to make their own choices. The siblings will have to work something out between them when the time comes, and OP is free to share the valuable pieces with her sister if she wants to.

I would strongly encourage them to update their wills. Honestly, I would also recommend having an impartial person, such as a local lawyer, appointed as executor.
Having both of you named as executors is likely to create huge issues. The cost of having a local lawyer oversee the will, distribution of property, and keepsakes would be well worth it if it means keeping you out of the firing line.
Unfortunately, money and belongings can bring out the worst in people, particularly during the emotional and difficult period following someone’s death. By removing you both as executors and updating the wills now, they could eliminate a huge amount of the potential conflict before it arises.
It would be difficult enough if you were the only one left responsible, but having both of you as executors sounds like a recipe for unnecessary stress and conflict.

If it’s a letter of wishes you aren’t obliged to follow it.

Are these items insured ? Inland revenue could refer to value of any individual items specified on contents insurance policy.

Of course they can make their own choices.

But your last sentence isn’t correct - if it’s not in the will, OP is not free to share them if she wants to. Her and her sister, as executors, will have to follow the will. So if the will just says, for example, everything split 50:50 between the sisters, OP cannot just give these items to the various relatives that have been specified in the letter.

Although I have pointed out that being an executor can leave you open to family disputes, there is an upside to being an executor.

A professional executor just wants to get the job done (rightly so). The sale of property may well be carried out quickly at auction. A bit of TLC, on the otherhand with mowing the lawn etc could reap a much better outcome. This certainly happened when my sister was executor of my great uncle’s will - and was incentivized because she ended up inheriting more.

I would still ask parents that their wishes be made clear in their wills as this is the only way you can guarantee they are followed

Even if a will said ‘x item to go to @EatenTooMuchChocolateAgain ‘ once it is hers surely she is free to do what she wants with it, including giving it to her sister?

If it’s not officially in the will, surely they should be distributed according to the will. Ie. If you have 10x paintings each worth £1000 each, and the will is split 50:50 between siblings, then each sibling gets five paintings each?

I guess sibling may be upset though, if she sees the letter and notices op has been listed all the more valuable stuff.

Being an executor in a will can be very stressful. If there are 2 people executors it can be worse. So this is a time for talking to your parents. Ask then to distribute the valuables now. Then they can sort out any rifts themselves. So it's then a new will, simple and clear. Make sure they have all the details of all their accounts, for eg TV license, etc etc, pensions banks etc. The executor most likely will need to hand over to a solicitor to finalise it. It's no fun believe me. Done it. If you don't have a really good relationship with your sister, then no, she goes out. Money makes the nicest people nasty. So you're parents have to be realistic. If a solicitor is the executor then yes that is good but expensive.
Do it all now with the parents