Dad is scared to access Mam's money

[NorthEastNancy]

My parents have been married for 56 years but have separate money. House long paid off. Each have probably 100k savings. Not invested in don't think, just sat there

They've always gone halfers on holidays, big purchases, bills etc. Weird to me but that's what they've always done

Mam has dementia. Dad used her card to do the food shop every other week but otherwise he's scared to touch her money in case she has to go into a home and he gets judged for using her money.

He bought a car last week. They'd usually go half's but he is too worried to take her half out of the bank.

He has Lasting Power of Attorney. I do too

I think he's mad but he's certain he's not allowed to use her money. Any advice please?

They've always paid half for big things. Holidays, houses, cars, furniture etc. Even cafes they'd take turns! Madness, I know!

Mam has never had her own car.

Dad used to pay "house keeping" to her in cash and she'd shop. If he did an extra shop he'd take it out of the house keeping purse

Not true. Joint accounts may be classed as 50/50 but personal accounts are not. A financial assessment is based on the person requiring care's income and savings only.

You cannot apply for mobility as a new claim once you've passed age of state pension.

It is tricky when someone has dementia but, at this point, separate accounts are better. He could argue that the car is a requirement to take her to medical appointments, etc. and he should definitely apply for a blue badge for her. The worry would be that, should she require care in the future and run out of money, the LA would look to check there has been no deliberate deprivation of assets.

I'm very familiar with the OPG, OP 😁but as a Deputy rather than Power of Attorney.
However past habits are taken into account. If they've always gone halves on a car that would probably be fine (with a caveat that the purchase isn't too high a percentage of the balance).
With a deputyship you have supervision - annual accounts - and large value purchases are best cleared with OPG but in this instance - a car she will benefit from while he has LPA, I don't think he would need to.
The OPG team are very helpful and you can always ring them for advice.

@Ayarreet No one gets in touch with the OPG for this. Mum won’t know as her affairs are dealt with by the attorneys who are family members. So there’s no need to think about it. There is the obvious case of what’s reasonable. The parents can draw up an agreement that there’s a % ownership even if the keeper document just has one name in it. So she’s going to be an owner and get a benefit from the family car. Being a part owner of a car because you need transport is not deprivation of assets! It’s a decision people make every day of the week in standard households! It’s a family car, not a year long cruise!

I think you'll find that people do indeed get in touch with the OPG about things like this. Especially if the are 'scared to access mam's money'.
They give advice.
It's nothing to do with mum not knowing about it or deprivation of assets it's about Dad worrying when he doesn't need to.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner I absolutely know what I'm talking about. It's the law that ALL local authorities in England have to offer a social care assessment of an older or disabled person requests it. I'm sorry your mum's LA didn't adhere to the law - they should have offered her a full assessment and offered information and advice about care options.

ETA in 30 years of professional practice I've never come across an LA that refuses to carry out assessments on people with eligible needs. At the point of assessment the social workers wouldn't know how much money a person has in their account.

This is from the Age UK Website
The Care Needs Assessment Explained | Age UK https://share.google/q4gByWf3mWFEUwIqx

As you can see @MeetMeOnTheCorner people are entitled to a social care assessment regardless of income or savings

@AnnaQuayRules Do you actually think I didn’t say that? Do you think I don’t know what’s supposed to happen? Do you think I didn’t advocate for DM? The issue is they know no one takes action! They have nowhere near enough staff. You can quote all you want to them but I got nothing. They said take DM to a day care unit and they could have a look at her. The law is not followed. It might be if you have a named illness, but general old age and frailty does not trigger anything. It’s truly appalling and I’m off to Switzerland if I get old and have a poor life ahead of me. The state and NHS are unkind to the elderly.

OP's dad seems to be doing the right things, including sharing the cost of the car with her, but the fact that he's worried about it is a shame. Stressful for him.

"They said take DM to a day care unit and they could have a look at her."
Nonsense.

Which is why I suggested ringing the OPG as they will reassure him that (if what's been stated is true) it's ok.

That's my mum's situation AnnaQuayRules. I'm mum's carer in the main, but am not confident with getting her in and out of the shower. Social Services visited to do an assessment and organised carers for mum's showering and mum pays the LA for that. They also organised handrails (no charge), an OT visit and a visit from the fire service to check smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.
I was really pleased - my dad had just died and I really wasn't up to speaking to different care companies. The carers have been lovely.

@Ayarreet Are you calling me a liar? That’s exactly what they said. A 99 year old coming out of hospital and that’s what they said. You have no idea how bad services are! No one from SS ever visited and the final time she was in hospital the social worker just completely lied to me about what OT were recommending. It’s to avoid spending money and I know others who have not had assessments either. They only come if you have no relatives. It is awful here. Neither do the private companies have enough staff but at least they try!

DH and I operate separate accounts. Not really sure why. But I always assumed everything would be classed as joint regardless of who's name it was in.

I'm saying you I think you misunderstood what they were saying to you.
When a person leaves hospital into care they have to be assessed by the people that would provide the care to see if they can provide the care.
This is normal.
This is what happens to everyone.
Unfortunately I have lots of idea of how bad services are.
I live with it every minute of every day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year. For 38 years.
Then there's parents.
Believe me, I know.
Yes. They try to cut budgets.
No. They do not abandon a 99 year old woman to God and good neighbours.

It's not. Unless you try to hide it if care is required.

The car is their transport - it would not be viewed suspiciously
if she may go into a home I would advise he use her card for all day to day transactions. It’ll only go to the state. Btw the state won’t view their money as separate assets!!

L