How can I feel more confident taking my mum out?

[Fushia123]

My Mum has dementia and is incontinent. My sisters continue to be able to take her out to some weekly activities- art club, church, social group.
I am anxious about doing so…but really want to push through that. I will go to see her tmr - hopefully she will have had a shower with a carer’s support.
After lunch she should go to a church social group and I will have to stay with her. I’ll make sure she has been to the toilet and be wearing a pad before we go.
Can you help me to change my mindset to ‘I can do this’ rather than being anxious about taking her out please?

I just wanted to say that I understand the anxiety. I ended up with a kit bag to help me feel prepared for anything - are there things you could pack like spare clothes, pants, wipes and bin bags? More as a security blanket than because you need them. Or a longish coat to cover up anything if you need to get her back home? Do you have a car seat protector (if applicable)?

I’m sure you want to spare her embarrassment and for her to have the benefit of the social activity.

Please don’t feel bad for the way you feel, we all cope differently - and she may be different with your siblings and/or resistant to better protection than the pads (I had so many battles over incontinence products and I was just trying to help get the optimum solution!).

Most importantly - plan the reward you will give yourself afterwards for doing the thing.

Actually I think it’s ok not to take her out.
My mum is in the same position but also in a wheelchair so we either take a carer with us as mum tolerates the personal care from non family or bring social events to mum at the care home.
My back also won’t take the lifting element of personal care, it’s honestly a 3 man job requiring my sister and I plus the carer.

Does your mum live in her own house or is she in a residential setting?

Thanks for your responses. She lives in her own house with some carer visits and daily support from my sisters and I.

If I thought I might have to perform personal care, I wouldn’t take her because I don’t like it. If that’s how you feel, I think it’s OK - we’re not all the same and you’re providing other support to help your siblings.