Hygiene advice to elderly parent .

[snoopinginstlye]

I could do with a bit of advice.
My dad is 80 and has recently had to start using incontinence pads because of bladder problems. Unfortunately, hishouse now has a very strong urine smell. He has a cleaner once a week who does a fantastic job, but he doesn't really keep on top of things in between visits. He also puts used pads in the kitchen bin, which obviously doesn't help.
I've tried mentioning it to him, but he tends to brush it off. My biggest concern is that he now often smells quite strongly of stale urine himself. He only showers once a week because he says that's enough, and I suspect he may only be changing his pad once a day.
In the summer he sits outside with his neighbours in a communal area. I was there the other day and, when the breeze caught, the smell was quite noticeable. I feel I need to say something for his own dignity and comfort, as well as being considerate of his neighbours, but I really don't know how to approach it without upsetting or embarrassing him.
We're very close, which almost makes it harder. Has anyone dealt with something similar with an elderly parent? How did you bring the subject up sensitively?

This is so hard for you.
Who is doing his laundry? If he smells, it is likely to be because urine is leaking into his trousers/pants. He needs lots of spare trousers and pants to keep on top of this.
It is likely that his sense of smell is not what it once was.
I can understand him only showering once a week as when you are older it can be a major production when bending over is painful or difficult. You can get large adult-sized wet wipes to have an all over wash - or just to wash the genital area. Showers are also a prime time for falls - the slippery surface, the heat of the water and needing to put one's head back to rinse hair often cause falls. Does he have a shower chair and a rail?
Has he seen an incontinence nurse for proper advice? They can often advise about the best pads etc. My late OH had Parkinsons and was incontinent of urine - he had a convene catheter (which is like a condom connected to a leg bag) but this does need someone to empty it and change it when needed.

I think you're going to have to bite the bullet and have the uncomfortable conversation 😩 have some solutions ready, like providing large wet wipes for his personal care and explain to him that he needs to use them morning and night and when he changes his incontinence pants. You can also get scented 'nappy' bags to dispose of them in so hopefully that will mask the smell - can you ask cleaner to empty bin to an outside recepticle more often? Also, talk to him about changing his clothes regularly - does he do his own laundry? If so, get him some dettol laundry liquid, that should get rid of the smell, but he perhaps needs to wash his clothes more often?

I appreciate that it's an uncomfortable conversation to have with your dad but you are doing it out of concern for him. Do you think it's time for him to have more help, ie carers coming in? This might open the door to that conversation.

he has a wet room yes and a chair for him to sit on .I have got in touch with the incontinent team via the GP but he is waiting for an assessment at the moment they are still doing referrals from January so is quiet a wait

I’d buy him nappy sacks to put the pads in before the bin

say dad, now you’re having to wear pads you do need to shower every other day. It’s important you don’t end up smelling and your skin needs to be cleaned of the ammonia in urine - you don’t want nappy rash as that’s uncomfortable and difficult to get rid of.

Tell him he smells. He has to. Change his pad at least 5 times a day. He needs to use at least a wet wipe to clean between pads his clothes will need to be fresh every day

I’ve had this recently with my mum. I went down the hygiene route, didn't discuss it, just said “mum, there isn’t a woman over 60 who doesn’t need to use a liner. Use one every day. Put it in this bag at the end of the day, knot it and throw it away. You don’t want an infection.”

of course some of this is tosh but I knew if I got into a conversation about it it would just end up with her getting pissed off (sorry!). Could you just tell your dad rather than discuss it? Use the age line but make it a man over 75 instead?!

Unless he’s soaking it through they don’t smell, I suspect he’s leaking onto his trousers because it’s not placed correctly for a man. Does he change his clothes daily? Does he have sufficient if he struggles to wash things? You also may need double washing tabs if he puts a lot in the washer.

it isn’t anything to be ashamed about, I have pads myself though mine is due to coughing etc rather than full incontinence, tell him people 30 years younger are the same, not to worry but he needs wet wipes if hes not showering daily too

Agree with pp, it’s worth the difficult conversation. You can get larger bags for pads can’t you? Like the nappy bags. I’d keep a bin outside and sling them straight in there!
He needs to use wipes and shower way more than he is if he’s capable. Clean clothes and underwear daily and deodorant also.

You going to have to have a direct conversation with him
but also urine can burn if his skin starts breaking down he’ll have all sorst of problems

Has he been referred to social services? Other than providing pads the inconvenience service is not super useful. He may need Care needs assessment and to have carers arranged to go in and do a clean/laundry couple of times a week and maybe daily visits to prompt him to change clothes and pads. If his pads are leaking into his clothes is he changing his clothes often enough?
If you go in and check on his laundry loads and noticed he may not be change his clothes as often, perhaps you can make start the conversation around that and the risk if broken skin/infection rather than the smell.