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Elderly parents

Social Care

6 replies

AmericanSlang · 16/06/2026 13:39

My elderly parents (DD 87, DM nearly 86) both diagnosed with dementia and both extremely difficult to deal with. They have always had a very poor relationship and an inability to emotionally regulate themselves, my mother especially has always dragged me and my oldest sister into their rows and disagreements.
The other day they almost came to blows, and were also both threatening self harm, so I called the elderly mental health unit and have been advised to ask Social Care for a needs assessment. Physically they can dress, wash, go to toilet etc, but mentally it's a whole different story.
Can anyone advise on what to expect from Social Care? Are they likely to offer care, given my parents are physically not too bad? And if my parents refuse carers/care home, as they have done before, what are my options then?

OP posts:
thedevilinablackdress · 16/06/2026 17:34

This could be a good starter for answering some of your questions
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/worried-about-someone/

catofglory · 16/06/2026 17:59

The most Social Services will offer is four care visits a day. It's intended for things like washing, dressing, continence care, providing a quick meal.

I can't see a care package being much help in their circumstances. And it sounds as if they need assessing by a psychiatrist, as that may be a route to getting medication to stabilise their moods.

If your parents refuse care, Social Services won't force them. Have they been assessed as no longer having capacity? Does anyone have LPA?

thedevilinablackdress · 16/06/2026 18:17

It may be a safeguarding issue because they are at risk of harming each other and themselves (rather than carer support). Again Age UK has info on that.

AmericanSlang · 16/06/2026 18:33

thedevilinablackdress · 16/06/2026 18:17

It may be a safeguarding issue because they are at risk of harming each other and themselves (rather than carer support). Again Age UK has info on that.

Thanks for the info - the elderly mental health nurse did mention safeguarding, and I am quite concerned that one of them will hurt the other. Most likely my mother, who has also pushed me and caused bruising

OP posts:
AmericanSlang · 16/06/2026 18:35

catofglory · 16/06/2026 17:59

The most Social Services will offer is four care visits a day. It's intended for things like washing, dressing, continence care, providing a quick meal.

I can't see a care package being much help in their circumstances. And it sounds as if they need assessing by a psychiatrist, as that may be a route to getting medication to stabilise their moods.

If your parents refuse care, Social Services won't force them. Have they been assessed as no longer having capacity? Does anyone have LPA?

I agree about carers not being very useful in the circumstances. They do both have anger issues and possibly personality disorders, but have never received any treatment

OP posts:
AmericanSlang · 16/06/2026 18:38

catofglory · 16/06/2026 17:59

The most Social Services will offer is four care visits a day. It's intended for things like washing, dressing, continence care, providing a quick meal.

I can't see a care package being much help in their circumstances. And it sounds as if they need assessing by a psychiatrist, as that may be a route to getting medication to stabilise their moods.

If your parents refuse care, Social Services won't force them. Have they been assessed as no longer having capacity? Does anyone have LPA?

I think technically they would still have capacity. I have LPA forms but I don't think my mother would agree to sign

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