Help with what we say when DM has an assessment!

[drspouse]

Mum is 84, I don't get on that well with her (she massively favours DD over DS, and is incredibly rude to me) but she definitely needs some help.
She's been in hospital recently with an infection, but then a couple of weeks after coming out she got shingles and then had a fall.
House is a death trap (lots of rugs, and wires everywhere!) so I'm not surprised. My dad (who is older but in better health, they are divorced) lives nearby but he still travels a lot and she asked to stay at his, he says she's not eating, then he had to go away, she's gone to a friend's for a couple of nights and then my DB is going for a week.
I have a DS with a disability so am much more able to talk the social care talk, with neither DB nor DF knowing what OT is etc. So I rang adult social care and they suggested I ring the District Nurses.
They've said they might be able to do personal care as a short term thing, I'm struggling to work out if mum actually needs this.
I know she needs some kind of assessment even if we have to put things in place privately. I'm not sure how much she actually needs and I think though her local friend (equally elderly), my DF (but very intermittently) and my DB can cover a week or two it's hard to work out what to ask for if this is just an acute need and the long term needs are different.
Any advice on what to say to the District Nurses now and/or ASC when they assess? I don't want them saying my DF/her friend/my DB and I who live several hundred miles away, are her care package!

Unfortunately although you may have input, ultimately it's going to be down to what your mother says. Yes, it will likely end disastrously or she'll have another fall but that's the way it will be until.she accepts an assessment.
Do you have LPA?

Do not minimise the problems, describe thevworst, most difficult times
Do not overstate what you can do.
These are hard as we tend to go through opposite way, think about this in advance.

Thanks, astonishingly she has agreed to the assessment which will happen tomorrow. She even said thank you for arranging it!

I think she will say she's ok for care at the moment (and the immediate assessment is for 3 days emergency care only anyway) but I warned the nursing team that she doesn't think she needs to eat ("I'm not doing anything so I don't need any calories" - she has a very long history of disordered thinking around food) but they will also assess her house and even if nothing is done now they will refer her for an adult social care/OT assessment.
If they don't think she needs care in the next few days (I'm not sure if she'll be more comfortable at home with carers or staying at her friend's) then I'll see if DB thinks she needs a carer coming in a couple of times a day after he goes, they've given us a list of agencies.
She probably would refuse to pay but I think we can pay anyway (since we would be inheriting her house so it makes little difference! and we have LPA).

Well done on getting the LPA.
My mum has someone private, just an hour a day but at least they make sure she has 1 proper meal at least or she'd just eat biscuits and it's social engagement for her.

You can only implement LPA if your mother lacks capacity to make her own decisions. Does She have a diagnosis of any cognitive deficit?

Incorrect. The finance LPA can be invoked prior to a person losing capacity if they want you to.

@Squirrelchops1 I think that might be helpful though she does have friends she sees, if she can't get out she's less likely to see them. Plus she would expect to "host" if they came round.