Should I raise concerns about my elderly mother's repeated hospital admissions?

[FakingIllness]

DM is 77. Not in poor physical health but has personality issues (possible a disorder).

She keeps faking being ill to get investigations and hospital stays. Frequent ‘falls’ and calls 999 saying she lost consciousness. Chest pains, other concerning symptoms that cause her to need to be observed. It’s every week. She goes to the GP a lot wanting treatment for minor things that could be dealt with at a pharmacy. Often I get her medication then find she has been to the Gp to get the same on prescription???

When she’s in hospital if I visit staff seem surprised as she has told them she has no supportive family ! They always have to give her care packs eg toothbrush etc and she will only wear hospital gowns saying she has no clothes so if I take any up she gets angry. She’s admitted to me that she does it because she likes being looked after but she’s wasting nhs money. She’s text me about it so I have proof. Should I approach someone about this ? The GP or adult social services ?

I’m not sure who would be best to talk to about this.

Could you email the GP about your concerns. Make it clear that you don’t want to know anything but you are concerned about her frequent visits to the GP and calls to 999 and her current MH.

I think I’ll have to as it’s really becoming a significant problem. I do as much as I can but she’s desperate it seems for medical
attention and to lie ? I get spoken to like
shit quite often by hcp as she gets tearful telling them it’s the only place she gets food and a hot cup of tea etc, I have to set them straight that 1) I see her regularly and am supportive and 2) she is in good health and capable of making her own food and drink !!!

Maybe it's time for a care home, where she will be looked after and have dinner cooked for her.
Suggest it and see what she thinks?

I would assume there's something else going on and speak to her gp.

My “D”M behaves a little like this although not to this extreme. Be very careful about suggesting a Care Home.

My “D”M would dearly love to go into one. She’s never been keen on cooking and cleaning for herself and wants to be looked after.

Care Homes cost thousands each month, money which she simply does not have. Most Care Homes around here need proof that you have at least 2 years of funding before they will accept you.

My “D”M is also nowhere near physically needing a Care Home so would not get funding.

I’ve had to explain this to her many times and she acts as though it is me being unkind.

If she calls 999 a lot they will be aware of her.

you say she goes to gp for pharmacy stuff - does she have other issues (I’m disabled and pharmacy won’t usually see me as they only deal with “simple” cases(.

whet is she being admitted for? Normally paramedics are pretty good at triage and keeping people out of hospitals

She clearly knows how to work the system and what to say to get admissions and treatment. Services and people treating her will be well used to people like this, however they have to take what she says at face value in case it is real this time
You on the other hand can take a step back, mentally at least and accept you're unlikely to change her. Raise it with both GP and adult social care. Call the Age UK for advice:
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/worried-about-someone/

Would she accept something like meals on wheels?
Where my DPs live this includes a quick welfare check.
Would this maybe take the pressure of you a bit - someone else regularly checking on here. Would also be a record and she would feel she is getting attention?
The meals don’t have to be 7 days a week.

Is this relatively recent, in the last year or so?

If so, I would suspect early dementia. My mother had multiple GP visits and hospital admissions at the beginning of her dementia. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't realise the something wrong was dementia, she assigned different physical causes to her discomfort. She had chest pains and thought it was a heart attack (it was reflux which she'd had for years). She felt breathless and though she had lung cancer (she had hayfever). And so on. Each time involved either an ambulance or a referral to a specialist.

If your mother does have dementia she won't know why she's doing it and will make various random statements about her reasons.

Even if not dementia she has some kind of mental health issue so I would write a letter to her GP outlining your concerns as they may be able to work towards getting her a diagnosis. There isn't anything Social Services can do.

I would probably contact her Gp practice, just say you are concerned about your mothers mental health see what they advise, the next time she calls an ambulance or ends up in hospital ask to speak to her Dr's or charge nurse and again mention you are worried about her mental health, they might ask for a psychiatric team to assess her, my late Mil used to do this it transpired she had a mental illness then later on she had dementia.

It's good you are concerned about the cost to the NHS. I think you should contact her GP in regard to her mental health. It could be early signs of dementia.

Is she lonely?

what do her days and weeks look like?

God, just what the NHS needs, another bed blocker that could be used for someone who needs actual treatment and admission.
Is contact her GP OP and explain, I'd also write to your mum stating what she is doing is completely wrong and untrue, then take a huge step back.

It could be the start of dementia. Or she could just be an entitled idiot who likes attention.

Well you seem oozing in empathy, and understanding,

What's empathetic about wasting NHS resources, faking falls and illnesses and abusing 999? Costing the NHS hundreds of thousands of pounds, buying the medication she needs and then getting a prescription for the same?

I had to wait 6 months to get the right cancer treatment and to get a bed in a hospital and it very nearly killed me. So no, I don't have sympathy for people who fake illnesses for attention.
My sister in law is a paramedic. She states every single shift she has at least 3 visits where an ambulance is clearly categorically not needed. Frequent flyers like the OPs mum thinking 'let me just dial 999, I'm bored.' Yeah, let's not enable that as it takes away the vital services for people who genuinely need an ambulance.
So no, I'm not 'oozing' with sympathy. Who would be?

Clearly this woman has some issues yet you suggested the Op write her mother a letter ! telling .her off and say she either has dementia or is an arsehole! As I said oozing in empathy, and understanding. I am sorry you had to wait for treatment but "bed blockers" and people with mental health issues or illnesses had no impact on your cancer treatment!

I’ve heard of young people doing this very occasionally too. It does seem to be a severe form of attention seeking and poor mental health.

My MIL also used to do this during one stage of her dementia. For a couple of years there always seemed to be something wrong - abdominal pains, breathing problems, headaches. Multiple GP appointments, tests and referrals revealed nothing. The family didn't feel she was consciously 'making it up' to get attention, just that she felt 'wrong' and these shifting symptoms that she couldn't really describe with any precision and which never showed up anything on any kind of test or scan were sadly part of the dementia.

As a paramedic your sister will come across time wasters but in this age group it is often the start of dementia. They get one symptom..and get truly anxious and call 999 as that's the only thing they know what to do. Phoning the daughter isnt enough because the mum believes she has something wrong with her and the daughter can't help that. We eventually got one lady onto antidepressants and that helped cut the number of calls but it's a really tricky stage of life and a difficult problem to solve. During the day they say "I'm sorry doctor I won't phone 999 again" but at 2 am when it's dark dementia gets worse and they forget what they've been told. I'd far rather deal with these calls than some of the calls the paramedics get. I have sympathy here.

If she’s lying this regularly, maybe she’s not intending to? Is this the first stage of dementia maybe? I would take her to the GP to raise that possibility. Sounds like she won’t mind another appt.

I'm afraid telling HCPs that she is being neglected by her family also chimes with dementia. An elderly neighbour I used to visit always complained she never saw her children or grandchildren and that she had nothing to eat because she couldn't go shopping. But I know her daughters were there most days, the mantle piece was covered in a changing display of cards and children's pictures 'for Nana' and her cupboards were full of food they bought or got delivered to her.

ETA she had been diagnosed with dementia before this.

I'm afraid you're incorrect.
It did impact my treatment, you have absolutely no idea what hospital, ward or situation I was in to state otherwise. Bed shortages reduce the amount of patients a hospital can treat. I was chucked on a general ward not long after one of my cancer surgeries and spent weeks in hospital. Many elderly people would literally refuse to get up and out of their chairs. 'I'll do it tomorrow' was a frequent complaint. Many doctors trying to discharge the likes of the OPs mum, but they were refusing to get up and out of their chairs. Being quite open about being 'fed and watered here' wanting to be attended to simply because they didn't want to go home.

It had a direct impact on my car. I've had conversations with medical professionals about it.

If the OPs mum is just doing this for attention or because she's lonely, she needs calling out for it. The NHS isn't fit for time wasters. You may want to enable shit behaviour but not everyone will.