DH had a very difficult and dysfunctional family upbringing. He is one of three siblings and he’s not now in contact with the other two. Around 12 years ago he took on responsibility for the care of his DM until she died 10 years ago (she didn’t live with us but he sorted out all care and took a lot on himself, with no support from the other two). The stress of doing this put an enormous strain on his mental heath and he had to take time off work.
His DF is now very poorly, in a care home, and extremely confused and abusive towards DH when he visits. The siblings do not visit or make any contact. DH is finding this incredibly difficult, and it’s bringing up all sorts of unresolved trauma from his childhood. I think continuing to visit his DF is becoming pointless and damaging for everyone. His DF appears to take no comfort from it at all (he seems to get agitated and angry), and DH is very upset by it all. I’m worried his mental health will not withstand much more.
Has anyone else just stopped visiting an elderly parent in a similar situation? DH feels a responsibility towards his DF but they have never had a close or ‘normal’ relationship.