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Elderly parents

How can we help elderly parents facing suspected financial abuse?

6 replies

Macca04 · 04/05/2026 20:44

Apologies for what's going to be an extremely long story but believe me it's shortened to the best of my abilities!

Firstly hello everyone, I'm reaching out here for desperate help my mother & father in law are being severely cohesively controlled, financially abused, manipulated and made to believe some quite literally unbelievable stories by my brother in law. So my mother & father inlaw are in their 80s for a start. Neither have dementia and up until recently both extremely well for their ages my FIL was helping do some work on my house around a year and a half ago up on my roof he's built extensions on my house he was a proper "geeza" and my MIL would constantly run round helping with everyone's kids do people's washing if their washing machine wasn't working. Invite all the family over for all the kids to play together ect like a proper old school nanny nan.

My brother in law moved back in with them around 4.5 years ago after he's relationship failed and he lost he's job in the same week which meant he had to sell he's house and move back in with them. For months he was telling them the house was sold and he was waiting for the money to go into hes account but he needed to borrow 2k for council tax payment, then he needed £500 for the carpets to be cleaned, then he needed 1k for electrics to be fixed and many other things.... after a while I thought this doesn't seem right so il do some digging, I found the house still on the letting agency which hadn't infact ever been sold, sent my husband and one kf he's sisters to go and actually see if the house was still lived in and found out it actually was still being lived in my he's ex gf & her 2 children despite him telling everyone they'd moved out months prior.
Then my FIL had nothing but trouble with he's online banking with random funds coming out there was over 8k in user eats £500 flowers sent to a prison and some other really random things so my brother inlae offered to phone the bank on he's behalf I told my FIL he absolutely could NOT do this without my FIL being present and consenting to him speaking on he's behalf if at all, anyway all of a sudden my father inlaw has been given he's very own financial advisor, he's very own ombudsman and he's very own bank manager who my brother in law can contact at any time of thr day 7 days a week even kn Bank Holidays to discuss my FILs bank account!! We have an ongoing police investigation I have contacted adult services, citizens advise and age UK but all are saying they cannot do anything unless my mother & father inlaw agree they are victims to their son which they won't because they genuinely don't believe he is doing any wrong. He makes them falsified documents (bank statements, HMRC letters, DWP letters and letters from finance companies stating all finance is cleared) brother in law has made up horrendous lies about absolutely everyone who goes there reglarly so MIL & FIL now won't allow anyone in the house. He stole my FIL mobile phone and blamed it on he's 10yr old neice who actually has a better phone than the one that was stolen we know brother in law has that phone 100% their MOT ran out early January so he told them he dropped ot to the garage to be fixed and after about 3 weeks they still had no car so I went to the garage he claimed he left it at who swore blind they've never had any dealings with the car I ended up driving around near to their home address for days at hours at a time and actually found their car hidden down a side road and informed them their car was there still with no MOT no tax and no insurance he then told them the garage bought the car off him but had no room on the forecourt so he was allowed to use it until they free up some space, he also claims to have a billionaire boss (I've proven he has no job) but now this billionaire boss owns the car and has told my father inlaw the boss will sue my FIL if he moves the car I've paid for a vehicle check which states my FIL still owns that car. He also took out finance for 28k back in 2023 for a BMW which was for my brother in law but in my FIL name he hid that car near to the home address aswell and claimed another rgarage bought it we went to that garage and was given a sworn affidavit stating this garage never had the car I got CCTV footage of thr car being slung on a high-ab truck... took all this to my FIL who had a full emotional breakdown and agreed to go to the police and report him the next day. However was then brain twisted to believe it wasn't he's car it was cloned by a drug dealer who hates my brother inlaw to get him in trouble ...... thr list is quite honestly endless i could carry on for longer but I won't, but can anyone give me any other ideas on who I can contact or what else k can do they've been so badly brain washed and I dint want to ound morbid but I'd hate the thought of them passing on and hating us all I'm desperately trying to shoe them what he is really doing to them but they just won't have it! And police hands are tied because they aren't being co operative (due to not believing it) at one point my FIL was half a millionaire and now he's always over drawn. Between thr family we've been dropping them food shopping as they lived off their own chickens eggs for over 3 weeks my husband also bought them a car so now they have some freedom back has anyone else been in a situation remotely like this? This has been going on for over a year and I'm desperate for any little bit of help or a path I haven't tried yet

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 04/05/2026 21:08

What interventions have you / DH / the sister tried with them? Have you had an intervention? Is there an aunty who they’d see as more neutral?

Maybe give age uk a call, or encourage them to contact age uk if there’s a shred of doubt in their mind about what’s been happening to them… sometimes it’s easier to hear from a stranger than family ?

Macca04 · 04/05/2026 21:45

AbzMoz · 04/05/2026 21:08

What interventions have you / DH / the sister tried with them? Have you had an intervention? Is there an aunty who they’d see as more neutral?

Maybe give age uk a call, or encourage them to contact age uk if there’s a shred of doubt in their mind about what’s been happening to them… sometimes it’s easier to hear from a stranger than family ?

We've tried absolutely everything! So they have 8 children in total my husband is 1 of 8 we've tried getting he's brothers & sisters to help and they haven't been able to get through to them either and have all been upset by being shouted at by the parents so have kind of backed off and are now not getting much involved I am just so invested in helping them I can't stop trying but it seems no matter what you do they just wont listen, we contacted action fraud who actually told my FIL "this is one of the most heinous crimes ever to be committed especially on a family member" my FIL told him he's a liar and he's son wouldn't do that as he's shown him bank statements but without FIL full consent they can't legally take it out of he's hands, we manage to get him to agree that what's happening is wrong and he promises to go to the bank or the police the following day but then the following day comes dm he changes he's mind again because brother I law has got into hes head. He couldn't honestly hold a shoe up to hes head and say he's on the phone to the King and FIL would believe it

OP posts:
AbzMoz · 04/05/2026 22:21

So they’ve lost relationships with 6 of their kids (and their families), and run the risk of losing another? Are they invited to family events, presumably they can’t join in meals or presents, etc?
I wonder if it’s easier to build a relationship with them (rather than stop the relationship with the brother). Presumably those who’ve been shouted at remain hurt but also concerned. That might leave the door open for making the facts clear about brother. What does Mil have to say on all this?

Yellowpingu · 05/05/2026 13:29

I have no wise words that might help you but I just want to tell you that you’re amazing for doing all that you’ve done and they’re bloody lucky to have you in the corner. I just hope they can appreciate that before it’s too late.

PermanentTemporary · 05/05/2026 17:36

Contact Hourglass here for advice.

The CPS is advised to consider whether charges of coercive control can be taken forward without the support of the victims. It is in the nature of these offences that the victims may not be able to press charges in a normal way. Talk to the police again, with Hourglass’s advice.

Hourglass Services | Hourglass

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StripyCarpets · 07/05/2026 11:42

This is horrendous OP. I hope you find a way to resolve this situation.

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