Would a companionship and practical support service help your elderly parents?

[TrishMB]

Hi, I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I guess I’m just looking for some guidance.

I am thinking of starting up a side business where I support elderly and vulnerable people in my community. This wouldn’t be personal care or medical care but rather things like company, popping in for a cuppa and a chat, light house keeping, running errands, helping with technical support, admin tasks etc.
I have volunteered through Age UK previously as well as supporting and looking after elderly relatives and I have found it fulfilling and rewarding which is what I’m looking for as my 9-5 doesn’t give me this. I appreciate there are services out there but they seem to be more personal and medical care where they are just in and out and often different people whereas I would be a regular familiar face.

My question is do those of you with elderly parents, would this be a service that would benefit you/your parents?

Well that does sound hard. I think the problem you have is that your parents aren’t listening to you.

Yes. As we were paying for carers ourselves, this is how we modelled their job. Getting up, washing, dressing etc but also outings, company, shopping etc

Did we share the same mother?!

I guess my reply was a little harsh but I know mum would only have accepted the most minimal of help and only then from someone she already had a relationship with. If anyone came to the door she expected me to be there acting as her hands and feet while she sat in her chair playing the gracious hostess.

It would be beneficial but as PP have said it is already offered by agencies like Home Instead. I used Home Instead for my mother and they provided companion care which included making her meals, sitting chatting, doing laundry and housework, taking her shopping, taking her to appointments. They even took her to the vet with her cat, they would do anything she needed.

It would be perfect, but I don't know if it would be financially viable for them/us. For people with plenty of money it would be ideal and in fact I think a service that a lot of wealthy people already have (often under the guise of housekeeping or similar).

Have a look at this agency they seem to be offering the sort of thing you are talking about

https://goodlifesorted.com

I might need this for my parent soon, I am doing a lot of her admin etc but can only visit once a week and the need is only going to grow.

I had finance LPA so it was my responsibility to sort out my mother's bills and other admin. To make it easier for both of us I put her bill payments on direct debit so I could check them online and move money into her current account as necessary. If paperwork came through the letterbox Home Instead would forward any non-junk mail to me. My mother had dementia and I would not have wanted an agency worker dealing with anything financial.

So, when Dad was living on his own, yes.

But would he have been prepared to pay for it? Unlikely, I think. He would have seen it as "rent a friend" when he had friends. Of course, we all know that this service is more than that but try convincing an elderly person - especially when it comes to spending their money!

Then, from your persepective, you will find it moves into greater care and, in my Dads case, that would have been quite quickly. You would have turned up to find he had gone out (5 hours early) to an appointment, or fallen, or in a mess with his catheter or medication. If someone needs real help youd feel obliged (if not legally required) to hang around while the emergency services come. That would impact your onward diary.

So, in essence, yes many elderly need a service but itll be a bit messy!

My Dad got into a similar situation and he chose to live with us, which he did for 2 years, and now he is in a care home.

I notice some of his care home residents have private carers that take residents out for the day. The home itself is amazing with activities and trips so its not necessary but I wonder if a service you offer could be an add on for some?

Yes - especially if I lived far away but wanted somebody keeping an eye on them and letting me know how things were.

MIL has this sort of service. An hour a day to give her lunch, a chat, some light domestic duties. For example, MIL can't change the bed any more but can run the hoover round.

However, it's provided through and agency and the people who come are vetted and DH pays the agency.

It is not cheap but it's keeping her in her own home. She thinks it's being provided by the authorities - she would not accept it if she thought she had to pay.

Not sure how you might get people to pay for this.

Yes, there are many of these companies around already but probably room for more.

I think it's quite common for these kind of arrangements to start off as a cleaner/housekeeper type of role and as the relationship builds for it to morph into more companionship/going on outings/P.A. type of thing. I certainly think the type of elderly person who doesn't think they need any help and/or that family should do everything (which is quite common) wouldn't accept paying a stranger to sit with them and have a cup of tea or go to the shops at the outset, but it can become that over time. That's how it went with my elderly relative who had no local family, she was at first reluctant to have any help at all but agreed a nice local lady could come in just to help with the heavier bits of housework, then it slowly to her coming several times a week to do all sorts of things, outings, shopping, errands, house maintenance etc. She ended up being very dependent on her and virtually employing her full time by the end...

I would say you definitely need to tread carefully as to who is your client and who do you take instructions from e.g. what hours you do and what your duties are, there can be tensions between the family and the client or between different family members, particularly where money is concerned. My relative had capacity to make her own decisions and manage her own affairs right until the very end of her life when she went into a care home, but there were definitely members of the family who felt the carer was overstepping at times which was difficult to manage as we were all also very grateful to have her and appreciated what she was doing as well. For instance the carer arranged for my relative's house to be fully redecorated by her son who's a painter/decorator, on the one hand a lovely thing to do as getting quotes and going and ordering/fetching the materials and overseeing workmen and so on was beyond relative's realistic abilities by this stage, it saved the family a big job, and the price she paid was IMO fair and the work done to a good standard, but on the other you can see why it felt a bit uncomfortable, it was quite a lot of money and did the whole house really need redoing all at once, how much did relative really want it done and how much was she just wanting to do the carer a favour etc?

I just think even if you're not doing any personal care it is a very very 'intimate' job you're doing if you're going to get into supporting them with things like managing their bills and bank accounts, and it's certainly not uncommon for people in the early stages of dementia or other illnesses to get paranoid and accuse people around them of stealing and so on. You may just need to think about how you protect yourself and have very tight boundaries about anything financial in particular, e.g. if you're handling the client's money or paperwork in any way keeping very strict accounts of it?

I pay for this service for my dad. It's a community warden. A visit once a week and a check in every day, help with forms and mail and calls if wanted and a shopping order if needed. It has made my dad very independent but he enjoys the visits. It isn't expensive as it is subsidised.

Yes this. How do you prevent an unscrupulous person getting right into the details of an older persons financial situation and influencing their decision making? I guess you have to be very clear about the boundaries, but that’s hard to enforce, depending on the client, the family and the assistant 🤷‍♀️

Not yet, my mum has my eldest son living with her and my dad has my much younger stepmum.

I am with you on this.

I have been supporting a parent for 6+ years now and chose a company that can offer a range of services. My parent needs and appreciates a check in however they may also need a foot soak/cream applied and a hand to the shower. For me, a service has to combine all these things - not just the keeping your hands clean tasks. I wouldn’t want to have one person for one thing and another for other tasks nor have to cancel one person providing one type of support to be able to afford another providing more hands on support. I also want the carer to be fully accepting of my parent as a whole person; boundaries around tasks might make them feel bad or guilty for having these needs. For personal stuff like bills, banking; that’s too personal for me to be happy for a third party to get involved. I will always prioritise this for spending my own time on.

The financial stuff can largely be done remotely by a family member with LPA but the assistant could help with eg meter
readings, keeping an eye on any letters that turn up and making sure that the family member is kept updated etc.

In my location there is a group of volunteers that can be contacted & a donation can be given
Example
Someone goes into hospital
Their dog requires care

Lifts to GP, shop or hospital

Odd jobs

Ref setting up on your own

What will you do when you are sick or want to go on holiday ?

I know someone who looked after an elderly person, when their family went on holiday. They stayed 24x7x365 with the elderly person.

Someone else was looking for something similar in my area, they were offering £18 per hour for a couple of hours work per day.

You will need DBS, references

Be very clear what services you offer

We have a local charity who does this already, so yes, I’d say there is a demand for it. Whether there is enough of a demand that people will pay, I don’t know.

This would have been great for my Mum and there were people in the village who provided it, but she refused it.

A befriender service, very helpful..We pay up to £32 an hour for some visits , altho this is via an agency so the person themself won't be making that much..It's a wonderful thing to match kind , interested companions to people who would otherwise be lonely.

We pay £25 /.hour on a weekday..She is wonderful so I don't begrudge it..The plan put in place when I knew I had a cancer diagnosis and wouldn't be able to visit as often is then £32 / hour for occasional Sundays. That said she had booked holidays etc for most of April so only had one of these visits yet but will still be very happy with this rate.

My mum is so happy when this lady has been..and she's increasingly unhappy with one of the regular carers , ( not sure exactly how bit will be bringing this to their notice this week).

I think it would be very useful. How much were you going to charge and where are you based?