Would a companionship and practical support service help your elderly parents?

[TrishMB]

Hi, I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I guess I’m just looking for some guidance.

I am thinking of starting up a side business where I support elderly and vulnerable people in my community. This wouldn’t be personal care or medical care but rather things like company, popping in for a cuppa and a chat, light house keeping, running errands, helping with technical support, admin tasks etc.
I have volunteered through Age UK previously as well as supporting and looking after elderly relatives and I have found it fulfilling and rewarding which is what I’m looking for as my 9-5 doesn’t give me this. I appreciate there are services out there but they seem to be more personal and medical care where they are just in and out and often different people whereas I would be a regular familiar face.

My question is do those of you with elderly parents, would this be a service that would benefit you/your parents?

Yes I think it would be very beneficial

Absolutely!

Yes it would but my dad would refuse any help 🤷

Yes,

We had an informal relationship with a lady in the same village as my DM.

She popped in several times a week, had a chat, tea and cake, did a little extra shopping if required and was able to identify when maintenance, gardening etc things were needed.

She made a massive difference to all our lives. DM lived several hours away, had consistently refused to move and was determined not to have ‘Carers’.

DM loved her and I felt more relaxed knowing she would ring me immediately if DM needed me to visit outside my normal schedule.

She was the person who raised the flag that Dementia was potentially encroaching and helped me persuade DM that it was time for a nursing home.

I will always think of her as the extension to our family who made DM’s final years much happier.

Home Instead are a national company with all the necessary insurance/training etc. They do both domestic and personal care as well as companionship. I’m sure there are other companies as well. It might be worth looking at their website as they are always recruiting. I’ve used them in the past and they were good. I think setting up by yourself might be a bit naive. Having worked with the elderly and infirm in the past you could be vulnerable to all sorts of awkward situations and accusations. I know of a couple of horrible situations were independent carers were accused of theft/mistreatment. They were unfounded but horrible for the individual.

Many branches of AgeUK do this for free.

Mr granddad as has a lovely lady (ex nhs nurse) who we use to support him. She’s brill, he looks forward to her twice weekly visits. Keeps on top of the house work and takes him to the supermarket. Has been a god send to us and takes the pressure off my mum and myself and sister.

I think it would be very useful to many families, but tbh I think I'd feel better employing someone who had been vetted by a national or local organisation than just someone offering their services as a private individual. Being part of something larger would also offer you protection and insurance I would think. In our locality we had something called Friend-to-Friend which was offering something similar.

We have a lady who does exactly this.

she comes round, takes mil out for a little trip- garden centre, m&s, coffee shop in a park.

she’s invaluable. For a start it gets mil out, she loves those afternoons. Secondly it gives dh (her carer) a couple of afternoons off and a decent break.

she’s fully booked, has references and a DBS check. She’s extremely well thought of in the local area.

@shellyleppard mil didn’t want the help to start. But obviously with lots of experience our lady took about a month before mil agreed to go out with her- she would come and play cards, just sit, chat, have a cup of tea etc so mil felt comfortable. Few more weeks and she’d be sat with her coat on ready 🤣

if you are in that situation I will say it has helped us introduce other forms of care as we go.

I used exactly this type of service for my Dad, or I’d never have been at work. It’s a lifesaver and the company I’m thinking of has gone from strength to strength. My dad counted the people who supported him as friends.

Very much. If it could be positioned as a personal assistant, popping in to do things that she’s struggled with on her own it would be great. Things she’s needed help with range from admin- finding papers and putting them away again, putting a sim in the phone, turning the screen brightness back up when she accidentally turned it dark… changing the sheets…
I know you exclude personal care, but things like putting lotion on her back where she can’t reach would be appreciated. So maybe you could find a way to word it to include small occasional services but not proper personal care.

@Usernamenotfound1 i understand. However my dad is extremely stubborn. Very sociable already (lawn bowls, volunteering, bereavement support group, walking groups etc). so unless I tie him to the armchair he won't sit still!!! His mum was exactly the same so now I just let him get on with it.

My elderly aunt would love a service like this. She can't go out alone due to mobility issues and she has carers but they come in to help her wash etc. Someone to call in for a chat, help her do online shopping, go to the post office for her etc. would be ideal. She would prefer to think of them as a paid companion rather than a carer, because she's very proud.

How old is elderly? I think it would’ve helped my grandmother. But my parents and my in laws would HATE it.

Yes I think it’s most helpful for those who have mobility issues, can’t, drive, or just want someone to go out with. Getting out the house can be difficult. This is what we had.

if they’re already active with a good social life it seems a bit redundant.

Helping around the house, doing admin etc is a little different.

My mother would have hated it. The idea of a complete stranger coming to the house to sit and chat would have made her irate. She would have found it condescending to have a strange visit "just for a little chat".

She kicked back at having carers even when I needed her to have them and actually expected me to pay for them because they were doing the work that she expected me to do! So a nice lady coming to chat for an hour would have driven her mad!

My friend, with a background in care, runs a successful company doing what you are interested in. Her background means she knows the boundaries between home helping and care, so she is very clear on what she can provide, but has a happy clientele. The only issue she encounters is relatives who object to their parents paying money for such a service, as they often don't want the elderly person to use their money on what they see as a non essential service, when they rarely see their relative or help!!

My word, your post took me back to the trenches with my Mam.
My mother was a raging feminist but dementia brought her to saying 'I don't need help from strangers, I have a daughter!'

To those of you that are using these services, how much do you pay for them? What do the ‘paid companions’ earn?

Another thing that would work for my DM would be someone encouraging her to sit down and be looked after. It may not work as she’s a control freak. Every job takes much longer because she micromanages. But if someone could work up to, ‘You sit there Jean, I’ll bring you a cup of tea then I’ll sort out that pile of paperwork/change the bed.’
Or errands like taking a pair of tights back to Lidl, posting a letter (in a specific letterbox) and collecting a prescription. 😅 She exhausts herself.

Despite the fact that my DM actually did this for years as a volunteer - visited housebound people, went to the shops with folk who struggled on their own - she would look at me like I was mad if I suggested it for her. Shes' pretty mobile and active, but very solitary and doesn't manage 'life admin' very well, so it would be a great weight off (solo support) me if there were someone else in her life.

We have this sort of support in place for my aunt. She does really benefit from it but it was very difficult to get her to agree to it originally. I would like something similar for my dad, but he won't contemplate it right now.

We chose the company that we use for my aunt because we knew that they would be able to increase the care from the light errands/social support that she had in the beginning to the much more hands on care that she needs now. In other words, we wanted provision that could evolve as her condition (dementia) progressed.

So if a company wasn't offering more than the kind of light touch support that you mentioned, I'm afraid that would probably put me off because it was hard enough to get her to accept and trust the existing company and we wouldn't want to have to go through all of that again.

This type of service is called a PA in my area. They are self employed and charge £25ph ish

I think there would be great call for the service you're suggesting.

I was a gardener before I retired, mostly working for elderly widowed people whose gardens had become too much for them. My clients became good friends almost and I would have a cup of tea with them, they'd sit with me whilst I gardened, I'd help them with small chores about the house, suggest tradespeople I knew if work needed doing and water their plants if they went into hospital. It was rewarding and interesting work and all my clients were lovely.

There's a whole quiet army of people providing services to the elderly in their homes - cleaners, mobile hairdressers, window cleaners and many more. We all got to know each other and recommend/support like a team really. You could form a network of super tradespeople to work with.

I reckon you're onto something really worthwhile that will really improve the lives of the people you serve.

Home Instead as someone else has mentioned provide this. But you have to commit to 4 hours a week, and there can be little flexibility. Plus £20 per hour which makes them unaffordable for many. Good idea in principle though.