Guardian article today that might resonate here

[thedevilinablackdress]

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2026/mar/28/burden-of-extended-care-for-aged-parents-new-phenomenon

And what use is that for someone who doesn't remember to eat or drink or go to the toilet?

Unless the Japanese are busy working on the magic bullet that will arrest or reverse dementia, I can't see that mechanical legs or devices to prevent falls will help somehow. Probably make matters worse if anything, by trapping them for longer in functioning bodies with failing brains.

There is so much that can be done

but should it be done? And if so, why?

Many falls can exacerbate dementia actually. The more prevention, the better the health outcome. To call the inventions 'crazy ' is such poverty of imagination, I assert. And many sad elderly people may be people who are not being offered adequate choice of how to live. Dont underestimate the pathetic quality of care in this country. Let's do what needs to be done at least, and if people still want to die after that, then so be it. But let's not just write everything off before we've even tried. Things could be so much better.

That's just one example obviously. There's loads.

In my 60’s now and both parents have died. Honestly, I’m relieved.

@Daygloboo And how much will that all cost?

Who is paying for it? What is being denied other members of society to pay for it?

What if people don't want to be hauled about by robots? Think about the damage caused if someone with dementia panics?

What is the point of endlessly prolonging low quality life - other than massive profits for the pharmaceutical, care and technology companies of course.

Can i ask you if you think a severely disabled child who can't eat or drink or go to the loo should be allowed to fade away. I think all ofvthat would be barbaric.

@Daygloboo This is the elderly care board. It is about individuals caring for the elderly who have already had a fair shot at life, not a child who has not.

Very different things.

I love and look after my very elderly father too. I wouldn't do it if I didn't love him. But I am not very happy to do it. It isn't a privilege, it's relentless, and frustrating, and energy- and time-sapping. I know that's not what anyone wants to hear. I'm glad for you that you're happy to do it, but i would be lying to say i do. Do you think that makes you morally superior to me? I do feel a lot of guilt for my lack of enthusiasm, so maybe you are just a better person.

Dont underestimate the pathetic quality of care in this country.

My experience isn't even from this country. To infer that the damage done by dementia is down to quality of care is just ignorant

Is anyone else imagining their relative that can hardly recall their own name wandering off down the high street in the exoskeleton?
Or the call when it runs out of battery and they’re stuck in their Wallace and Grommit robot trousers at the Bingo and can I come back from work and organise the engineer to come out as an emergency.
Or the automated sling system has failed and their stuck strapped to the ceiling as they pressed the wrong button 😂We might yet look back fondly at this present age of analog elderly care! 😂

I find it obscene that you have the nerve to decide what is 'low' quality and what is ' high' quality life.. And as someone who is very spatially aware and was really good at dance, I would thank you not to judge my future possible negotiation of space with some device that I find helpful as being hauled about. How the hell do you know what my elxperience of that would be. Who the hell do you think you are. And things can be mass produced you know.

If a person of any age has no quality of life they should be allowed to fade away. It happens all the time to children. We could keep children with ancephaly alive if we wanted to but thank god we don't. Although there is talk keeping them alive on respirators until their organs are needed for transplantation to others. But it's not (yet) allowed as most right thinking people believe it is evil to keep people with no quality of life alive. Except if they have dementia it seems.

Don't feel guilty ,you are far from alone, it is relentless, energy sapping and all the rest.
I am a little cynical about anyone who says otherwise.
You can still love someone at the same time as wanting to be a thousand miles away from them because you just don't have one atom of energy left to care for them.

Where did i say i was better than you. It's bloody hard work and i dont like it but i love them.and i do it. I just dont want to start living in a world where we write people off as soon as things become inconvenient. That is a very dangerous world. Everyone is free to deal with it their way, but dont make something the norm ( i.e getting rid of old people at the drop of a hat) that i don't want to be a part of. I'm allowed to carecfor my dad my way, and feel what I feel.

Years ago I remember PiLs' neighbour, who was often found wandering the streets in her nightie, crying for her mummy. My MiL was very unsteady on her feet and mercifully slow-moving, but would wander around the house switching on the empty kettle, the hobs, etc. And my dad has escaped from home and wandered off many times, to the great worry of my mother and our family, we have attached AirTags to everything we can think of including one in a specialised insole, but just try finding him in an 18-storey apartment complex.

All cases of lovingly cared-for (albeit perhaps without a warm superior glow of happiness) dementia patients, but let me tell you they turn into bloody Houdinis, and especially in the small hours (when the warm superior glow of happiness is especially eclipsed by the groggy gloom of sleeplessness). I'm just imagining how much worse the wandering and meddling with appliances would be with the aid of a schmancy robot exoskeleton!

I'm allowed to care for my dad my way, and feel what I feel.

You are @Daygloboo But remember to care for yourself too.

Talk to the parent of many disabled children and they would disagree with you. Except in extreme cases, i dont think ppl have the right to decide other ppls' fate. Im not religious. Whose criteria are you going to use. Ive met 'able' ppl who probably should be dead because they are an absolute pain in the arse and contribute absolutely nothing to society. Should i kill them. No.

Don't patronise me. Of course I care for myself too. I'm not an idiot.

@Daygloboo Quality of life and Quality of life years (QALYs) are measurable things, used in research.

What you think, what you want is only relevant to you. If you want to spend your whole life caring for your parent - crack on.

Others don't want to spend their lives this way, or do so but would like some acknowledgment that it comes at a cost to them - in time, in money, in enjoyable years of their life, in time with their other family members - and in my experience it sometimes comes at the cost of their own lives.

What you don't get to do is to tell other people that because you're happy to do this that people who think differently are wrong - as you said 'who the hell do you think you are'

I think there is a degree of objectivity about what is a low quality of life. When in her 40s my mum enjoyed horse riding. All her adult life she enjoyed travel and her and my dad lived overseas for almost a decade. In her 60s she began volunteering at a hospice and only gave it up at 84 when she began to show signs of dementia. Even then in her mid 80s we would go on 3-4 mile walks together.

Now at 93 she is in a nursing home with advanced dementia. Doubly incontinent with skin excoriation which is currently infected so in discomfort every time she moves. She regularly has eczema style skin rashes and infections so needs special prescription shampoos, emollient creams, lots of personal care which she hates and even then needs antibiotics and currently steroids to try to control her skin. She didn’t have any of these skin issues till about 10 years ago. Now they severely impact her daily life and seemingly they won’t ever be eradicated. And because she has advanced dementia she doesn’t understand why she itches, is in pain and needs to be exposed to other people so frequently for personal care. Sometimes she needs three people to change her pad as she needs someone to distract and comfort her while the other two try to get it done as soon as possible. Don’t tell me that is a high quality life.

My mum left a letter saying she did not want to live ‘a life that is not a life’. What I would personally like is a team of vets and a team of doctors to get together and agree a set of criteria which could be applied to all our family members - four legged and two - to objectively determine a point at which it is agreed that, if a person has left a living will asking for this, they are allowed to be treated with the kindness shown to our pets and put to sleep. But as we cannot even get the right to die if we are terminally ill with cancer I don’t hold out much hope.

Ok, what about the elderly who write living wills, who in their younger years are very clear that they wouldn’t want to live in certain circumstances, then they get to those circumstances and there are no options for their carers other than to repeatedly say ‘there’s nothing I can do’. You say have some imagination for Japanese inventions, but how about using your imagination to consider what it is like for other people being in very different circumstances to you and your dad?!

For the last 25 years of my Dad’s life he needed more and more care. Doctors prolonged life, which resulted in a life for him of poor quality and torment, and so much juggling of responsibilities for me that in the end, I felt I was going insane.

Support services do not compliment extending life. My dad passed away during lockdown and it would have been much kinder to him if he had gone before he did. I love(d) my dad very much and I wish he’d had a better end.

I couldn't comment on whether you are an idiot or not. Naive I'd say, not able to face up to things and defensive, as well as rude and aggressive in your communications.