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Elderly parents

Does anyone have any experience with a parent having Paranoid Dementia?

16 replies

hattie43 · 18/03/2026 18:24

I strongly suspect my mum has this although she would never go to the GP as she thinks she is fine . The accusation that people are stealing from her and the conspiracy theories about people out to get her are getting worse . How do we negotiate this .

OP posts:
crunchycrunchers · 18/03/2026 18:27

Has she had any kind of diagnosis of either dementia or mental health? If she won’t go to the GP voluntarily you could write to the GP and express your concerns. If they don’t have authority to speak to you, they won’t be able to discuss it with you but they might call her in for a ‘routine’ health check. A friend of mine was in a similar situation and the GP did that and asked some gentle (probing) questions at the same time.

hattie43 · 18/03/2026 18:36

No she’s had no diagnosis for any type of dementia , in fact if you met her on a good day you wouldn’t think there were any issues . It’s over the last couple of years there’s been a problem . She loses things and can’t find them so accuses people of stealing them . She gets aggressive with it . She’s fortified her house with alarms and cameras as she’s convinced people are out to get her and she’s convinced people are talking about her . She’s onto the banks fraud department monthly as she’s convinced she hasn’t made certain payments on her account .
it’s really impossible to get a DR app here and even if they did invite her in she sounds so plausible when she’s relating these incidents they may not see an issue . She is totally isolated now as people have drifted away , her personality has been horrible anyway over the years but this paranoia is new .

OP posts:
NYXProfessional · 18/03/2026 18:44

My mother had this and it was Lewy Body dementia, we had to push for a neurological assessment as it had been misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s disease by a psychiatrist. Exactly the same behaviours.

Mumsgirls · 18/03/2026 18:52

Dealing with this now, but different as our person is 94 and in a care home as also has substantial physical needs too. It has been hell , phoning 999, very serious accusations and directed at staff, other elderly and our family. So difficult as firmly believes her delusions and paranoia are true. They are so outlandish to have no possibility of truth. Following involvement of police, gp referred her to local community elderly mental health team and we now have a diagnosis. Think our case is different as does not now have the capacity to refuse intervention and she gave poa before severe decline. I think I would see if you have a local team and phone and ask for advice. We also got advice from the Alzheimer’s society, they were wonderful.
Good luck op , like us you have a hard road to tread. We are now finding a new nursing home, as current one not meeting our needs. Decline has been very fast

hattie43 · 18/03/2026 19:10

Horrendous . Mine is 82 and I fear it’ll get worse . The absolute conviction that these ‘ thefts ‘ are real is frightening. It’s why I’ve refused to be a POA .

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Villanousvillans · 18/03/2026 19:11

My MIL had this. My poor DH had a very difficult time with her. He believed her to start with. He found it very hard to accept that she wasn’t well. I kept saying to him that she had dementia and that the delusions were in fact delusions. She believed the cleaner was stealing from her and she talked about setting traps for her. She also accused my DH of stealing her jewellery. She got very nasty with it.

My MIL was living alone and I was extremely worried that she wasn’t safe. She kept telling my DH not to put her in a home. I spoke to her GP, who was completely useless.

She had a fall and the district nurse visited to dress her wound. This was a turning point. The nurse immediately recognised that my MIL wasn’t safe and called an ambulance. MIL was admitted to hospital. She was discharged into an assessment unit and then into a care home. By this time her delusions had increased.

We were relieved that the district nurse recognised immediately that she needed help.

Is there anyway you can get your mum assessed? Perhaps you could speak to a district nurse for advice. The nurse was far more helpful than the GP.

Villanousvillans · 18/03/2026 19:13

Oh yes, she kept dialing 999 for the police and an ambulance. I’d forgotten about that.

NewspaperTaxis · 18/03/2026 19:21

I had this with my late mother over 15 years ago when she had Parkinson's - turned out it was the the Parkinson's drugs interfering with her pain killers, and it later turned out she had a broken leg that led to a hip replacement, so the pain killers she took for that had brought it on. Then a while later it was a Parkinson's agonist that led to the same thing, so we dropped that.

Very unsettling.

But yes, it can happen independently of drugs but it's like the mental erosion is all in the mix.

tiredofworking · 21/03/2026 21:32

My mum has this. Paranoid about food and water supply. Convinced there was a gas leak. Stopped all medication as it was poisoned.
eventually admitted to hospital and sectioned. Now in nursing home for assessment. It has been awful and very sad. Fighting for funding at the moment.

It started very suddenly and hasn’t improved despite ruling out infections etc.
You have my sympathy as it’s very difficult

dottycat123 · 22/03/2026 18:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

dottycat123 · 22/03/2026 18:14

Apologies posted in wrong place instead of starting a new thread

TheCaptainsLog · 25/03/2026 11:29

Not a parent, but I had this with the Elderly Person I Cared For (EPICF) over a period of about twenty years. I could have written your posts word for word.

I've posted a more detailed history before but with my EPICF it took about ten years for mild paranoia and delusion to progress to fortifying the flat with alarms and cameras, destroying documents, and hiding purses and money. She believed there was nothing wrong and refused to speak to the GP about it. At around about this time she started having auditory hallucinations - she could 'hear' relatives plotting to take her money and harm her which then started off vicious cycles of anxiety, panic attacks, shortness of breath and so on. She was prescribed anti-anxiety meds but refused to take them. She was still capable of functioning otherwise - activities of daily living were fine and she was in no danger to herself. She was an abosulute maestro at lying to health practitioners.

This went on another eight or nine years until after one particular episode social services got involved (she'd rung 999 several times to report items stolen from her flat) and then shortly after she agreed that her memory was failing and she was referred to the Memory Clinic, which is how services are accessed around here.

Her cognitive function was found to be very poor and the memory nurse felt it was classic dementia with Lewy bodies as with PP above, but the nurse was overruled by the consultant who, without seeing her, diagnosed late onset psychosis and prescribed medication for it. When it became obvious that she was refusing to take the medication they 'discharged' (washed their hands of) her.

The GP and social services made a further seven referrals back into Older Adults Mental Health services and they simply declined all seven referrals so we never got a diagnosis. By then she was in her mid-90s and her physical health had almost completely evaporated, and between several falls and trauma she just bounced in and out of A&E for several months. The NHS just pushed her back home saying it was social needs, while continuously referring to 'undiagnosed dementia'.

I wish I could offer you something helpful, if not positive, but I'm afraid I cannot. Push for a diagnosis any which way you can: NHS mental health services did not want to know once she finally couldn't run from it, and the last few years of her life were horrendous for her, and for me. Nine months after she died I'm still utterly broken by it.

She had driven away everyone around her. Distant relatives who phoned her once in a while stopped when they got a story about the late husband's nephew squatting in the ceiling or walls, sneaking in when she wasn't there. Social services regularly checked her for capacity which she maintained until about a year before she died. That helped with securing her banking arrangements (I had a LPA but she still had access to her money until she lost capacity) but didn't make a dent in the practical and emotional effort of dealing with the consequences.

All I would say is that I wouldn't refuse to hold POA. Sure, it can open you up to accusations of stealing, but you can protect yourself simply by keeping good records. If I hadn't done it and had lost control of my EPICF's finances I dread to think what could have happened.

hattie43 · 25/03/2026 16:35

Wow thankyou for your experiences everyone. It sounds like life is going to get pretty impossible .
@TheCaptainsLog I really resonate with the document destruction and also anything she doesn’t want to deal with .
I am not going to get involved , she has never listened to advice and has made her own poor choices, now with the added complications of this paranoia it will be impossible so I’m not going to ruin my retirement dealing with her .

OP posts:
TheCaptainsLog · 25/03/2026 17:31

@hattie43

I always think it's sad when people walk away but I can understand why you'd do it. Literally everyone else did in our case.

Something I missed from my earlier post which may or may not be relevant: my EPICF had managed to write a Will and draw up a LPA while she was still well enough to do so, and she was motivated by wanting to make sure that the people she thought were stealing from her flat couldn't just walk into the bank and take everything. As she deteriorated, it became one of the few sources of comfort for her that I could reassure her about this.

hattie43 · 25/03/2026 18:22

Tbh some of the reason for walking away is legalities which she is ignoring ( including official documents being binned and not actioned ) and I think things will be too messy / complicated for me to get involved with . She has no real money to be concerned over and I don’t know if she has a will . I
just refuse to worry about her mind accusing me of theft at any point and want a quiet life .

ps what is an EPICF

OP posts:
TheCaptainsLog · 26/03/2026 09:34

EPICF = Elderly Person I Care(d) For

Your decision obviously, but one of the things that would worry me is if she is not fulfilling legal obligations then the implications could snowball in future. Paranoia through undiagnosed dementia isn't going to be a defence to an unpaid tax bill, for example, and neither is lack of money.

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