Does this kind of care home even exist.. MNetters please help

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DF is 80 - he is fit as a fiddle/no meds etc apart from devastating Alzheimers. He was given 5-8 year prognosis 8 years ago and since then was cared for by DM.

Recently (since Christmas) his symptoms are much worse, more brain fog, agitated behaviour, trying to drive (hasn't had license for 8 years), no short term memory or processing ability.

DM had to move out (due to agitated/aggressive behaviour) and he has care 3 times a day for meals/housekeeping- does his own self care but needs checking he is putting on clean clothes etc

We're at the point of looking at residential homes (DM homeless/staying with a friend and his decline will continue).

BUT... the nursing homes we've looked at are just that, nursing - he doesn't take medication/is mobile - can still cycle (!) but can't remember where to go/gets nervous

Does anyone know of anywhere that is a step up from McArthur Stone type setting - guided activities/level of care. Its like we need one of those old days villages in the Netherlands where there is a level of independence but care for someone with no short term memory. And a pathway to a dementia unit (although we may have to move setting when we reach that point).

Looking in SW london Richmond / Kingston and out to Chertsey / Esher / Kingston

DM is staying with a long standing friend who lives by herself in a six bedroom house. The hospitality may expire soon but in the meantime she is ok.

Of course the aim is to have her back in her home and enjoying her retired life following illness of her own and recovering from carer burnout. She’s also having CBT at the moment.

SS involved at request of DM. She has used them to try and access respite care previously.

Be careful with the top-ups, it’s complicated but the person’s income is for the most part already taken into account with council funding and is not allowed to be used as a top-up, this has to come from a third party (usually a family member). I can’t explain it very well but Age UK have good advice. If your Mum relies on your Dad’s pension some of it can still go to her.

www.ageuk.org.uk/siteassets/documents/factsheets/fs10_paying_for_permanent_residential_care_fcs.pdf

Thanks - yes it is complicated. We were given an indicative top up figure this week but do need to have more clarity

yes DM will need allocation of pension

can highly recommend the burlington in shepperton. Also moore place in esher a friends mum was at and was very happy with their care

In a live update, one of the Barchester ones locally has come up as a good option where they have a Memory Lane Community and more separated units for different stages 🤞

Remember the “top up” has to be a 3rd party top up. Can’t be his money as that will already have been taken into account for the assessment of what he has to contribute.
the 3rd party top up would have to be other family members. DO NOT sign anything committing yourself to a top up. You don’t have to. If and when social services end up funding they have to find somewhere that can meet his needs and you are not obliged to top up. (He will have to contribute a significant amount of his private pension but that’s different).

and don’t hold out any hope of NHS continuing care.

Having gone through this with my DM I cannot stress enough to look for something suitable beyond the next few months.
My DM was originally in a care home for a year but had to be moved due to her challenging behaviour and advancing Alzheimer’s. She’s now in a very small nursing home with a mix of people. As a previous poster said many are very mobile but verbally aggressive to staff, some immobile and don’t speak and many other combinations.
I viewed 11 homes and finding one that would accept my DM with her aggressive behaviour was a struggle.

This is really important. What many don’t realise is that it’s not just the family selecting the care home, it’s also the care home assessing the potential resident to see if they can meet their needs. Money is pretty secondary to this.

Walton park care home is one recommendation

My DM with Alzh. spent 8 years at the Abbeyfield dementia-only only care home in New Malden. We were very pleased with it. It was purpose built for dementia, and has a good-sized level garden. All the rooms (36 IIRC) are ensuite.
DM died there in 2015, but I would hope it’s still as good. Certainly worth a look.

TBH it sounds the sort of thing your relative would need.