Does this kind of care home even exist.. MNetters please help

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DF is 80 - he is fit as a fiddle/no meds etc apart from devastating Alzheimers. He was given 5-8 year prognosis 8 years ago and since then was cared for by DM.

Recently (since Christmas) his symptoms are much worse, more brain fog, agitated behaviour, trying to drive (hasn't had license for 8 years), no short term memory or processing ability.

DM had to move out (due to agitated/aggressive behaviour) and he has care 3 times a day for meals/housekeeping- does his own self care but needs checking he is putting on clean clothes etc

We're at the point of looking at residential homes (DM homeless/staying with a friend and his decline will continue).

BUT... the nursing homes we've looked at are just that, nursing - he doesn't take medication/is mobile - can still cycle (!) but can't remember where to go/gets nervous

Does anyone know of anywhere that is a step up from McArthur Stone type setting - guided activities/level of care. Its like we need one of those old days villages in the Netherlands where there is a level of independence but care for someone with no short term memory. And a pathway to a dementia unit (although we may have to move setting when we reach that point).

Looking in SW london Richmond / Kingston and out to Chertsey / Esher / Kingston

I thought residential homes and nursing homes were different things? It sounds as though it is a residential home he requires (but that has a dementia and nursing unit attached, so that if his needs change he could move there)?

They vary hugely. Abbeyfields might be worth a look or sheltered living, probably more than Macarthy and Stone offer though.

It does exist and my mum is in one. Insanely expensive, but then they all are.
https://www.averyhealthcare.co.uk/

You need a residential care home not a nursing home

You need a home that offers residential, dementia and nursing care. They will be able to adapt the level of support and care he needs as his disease progresses. Be aware that as he has dementia, he will almost certainly have to have a DoLs order in place at any care home to stop him going out alone and getting lost or coming to harm. My experiences with MMCG and Fishercare have been really good.

Someone I know has recently and reluctantly placed her husband, who has dementia, into a specialist care home in SW London - he's also fit as a fiddle physically. It's costing her £8,000 a month.

There's a large luxurious type of care home called Silvermere between Byfleet and Cobham. There was a man who was in fine health sharing a double room with his wife (who needed the care home) so I'm wondering if he was OK to live there it might fit the bill? Expensive though.

Kindly OP, I think you're underplaying this. If his agitation and aggression means your Mum can't live safely with him, he's not going to be accepted into a residential home or sheltered accomodation. You need a specialist unit - medication has nothing to do with it.

It sounds like he needs quite a lot of care at the moment, nutrition, challenging aggressive behaviour and help with dressing plus his disorientation.
I think he needs somewhere secure so he doesn’t wander out on his own.
Could it be you are slightly minimising his needs?

Sorry, I somehow missed out my last paragraph...

It sounds like your father needs full-time dementia care - I think he's passed the stage whereby he could live semi-independently so you need to look at care homes for residents with dementia.

There are further care facilities (apartments) and abbeyfield but i think his behaviour now would be getting close to their ceiling of care.
He needs a residential EMI care home. Many EMI homes and residential care and nursing in separate wings.
I think you need to be realistic that he is not going to be going out and about on his bike, or otherwise, without you or your mum any more.
Is your dad compliant with this move, will he need a DOLS, and be at the stage to have one?

I agree with this. He is also likely to deteriorate very quickly outside the home environment.

We crossed posts.

Your clearly googling the wrong thing. There are actually very few nursing homes. The vast majority of care homes are residential homes that offer social, personal and dementia care.

This keeps popping up on my Facebook feed. They find the right care home for your needs, apparently.

lottie.org/

You need to look for a residential home not nursing

look at Hallmark luxury care homes. They’re caring after a relative of mine, but not cheap

Hi everyone, thanks for your input.

In answer to a couple of points - I'm not expecting him to go out cycling but trying to give that as an example of his current mobility. Yes he will need a DoL - there is a current process with SS and a lawyer to reach that point (I'm not involved in that process). SS have assessed his care needs and stated 3x a day sufficient but its clearly not.

I'm looking very specifically for anyone that can recommend a care home where they had a good experience of placing a relative in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. He's fully verbal, conversational. Looking for somewhere for the next few months where he can have social interaction and care support. Suspect it doesn't exist but hoped it might as a wing/end of a corridor of a unit with more advance dementia patients in a separate unit.

Whereabouts are you OP? Have loads of advice for my area, but obvs not further afield.

Also is he a self funder? The house doesn’t count as presumably DM will move back in.

Should add what you want absolutely exists. You’re describing common issues within dementia.

Have you contacted adult social care? When my MIL reached this stage, she was found a respite placement which was free of charge for six weeks. Your MIL having to move out would indicate that she needs respite.

Fortunately the care home that she spent the respite period in, was excellent, and they had a vacancy when the respite period expired. So it was a seamless transition. She self funded from that point.

The advice to contact adult social care is good but nothing will be free if they have money above the threshold.

I can’t recommend a specific care home but nursing homes which have dementia residents have people who very enormously. Some may be bed bound but communicative, others may wander constantly but not speak at all. Others may seem quite ‘normal’ when you first meet them but after a while you realise that e.g. they think they are working there or are waiting to go home when that isn’t the case.
I say this kindly, and with experience of this, but I think perhaps that you are in denial about the severity of your dad’s situation. As others have said, if your mother is not safe at home and he needs help supporting himself, he does need a proper residential care/nursing home. My advice would be to find a nursing home which has dementia patients as things can change quite quickly with dementia and you don’t want to have to move him from one home to another. There is a clear difference between nursing and care homes but you are better to plan for the future.

My lovely friend was in a really nice nursing home and she settled in well. She went just in time as things only get harder and it’s better to get someone settled earlier rather than later.

It’s really tough, I know.

My MIL's was, despite her having funds. Hers was an urgent referral for different reasons, but OP's mum having to leave her home in order to keep herself safe, should trigger a similar respite period.

It might be that things have changed in the last couple of years, but that certainly was what happened with MIL. She didn't pay a thing until the respite period ended.

Obviously the referral has to come from SS or the NHS, though.

I would ask the same question on local social media - there will be certain to be someone whose been in the same boat.
I’d be cautious of downplaying any violence/aggression though. The residential home my relative was in was happy to have “delightfully dotty” behaviour but anything that’d have put staff or other residents at risk would have been a swift eviction, and then you’ll be back to square one, possibly at very short notice. Good luck.

Looking south west london - richmond/Kingston and out to esher/chertsey. Will self fund until liquid assets run down (maybe 3 months). Financial assessment is done, yes house is disregarded.

The Borough linked home we looked at this week had either advance dementia ward. Or physically frail/high medical needs (plus potentially early stages of dementia). It would have been more suitable if there was one end of a corridor with a group of newer residents in the middle stages of dementia that wanted to drink tea and look at books about last century's planes on repeat with an occasional lap of the garden.