Neighbour with Alzheimer’s acting like we are in a romantic relationship.

[Victoriawould24]

This is not about an elderly parent but I thought people that read that topic may be able to help.

I befriended an elderly neighbour who as well as other serious health conditions has Alzheimer’s.
He loves to talk and would often catch me in the summer while I was gardening on my lunch break.
He popped in at Christmas with a Christmas card and stayed a while and I really enjoyed listening to his stories about his sadly deceased wife and his childhood etc.
He lives independently but has close family nearby so I never had any concerns he needed support and never tried to offer any (I am a bit of a magnet for people in need and am working hard to say no and have boundaries).

He said he was lonely during the day and would always be sat at home and it would be nice for me to pop in sometime.
He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him (error number one).

I bake so I took him some cake and stayed a little while and that was ok , but then I had a few calls from him that i didn’t answer asking when I was going again.
I kept putting him off but took a cake last week but was clear I couldn’t stay long.

He started to say some things that made me uncomfortable, about how lovely I am and how we have a special connection etc.
He then went on to say I didn’t have to worry because he couldn’t rape me even he wanted to.
I sort of laughed and tried to change the subject and then politely left.
He has been calling me again and I really don’t know how to handle this.
I understand that his condition can lead to inappropriate behaviour and I don’t believe he is a bad man but I also don’t want to continue to see him if he believes we are in a relationship or something.

My DH is obviously aware of him but I haven’t told him what he has been saying or his phone calls , mostly because he was already cross that it’s typical me being friendly and next thing I’ll be cleaning his house or something and I don’t want to admit I shouldn’t have been so friendly.

Also relevant he did used to talk about another woman in a cafe he had a connection with etc and I knew it was obviously a misunderstanding/ misinterpretation on his part so didn’t really consider it.

I would very much welcome anyone with experience of Alzheimer’s advice on how best I can shut this down.
I don’t want to be unkind and obviously he is a neighbour so I can’t completely disappear.

Tell your husband the full extent of it. You need support in maintaining boundaries. Tell him that you're not looking for his judgment, you need him to help you set and maintain boundaries, because you're right, you can't just disappear and you need a way to manage this.

So then, the neighbour has family and is cared for. You can step back without guilt. Stop answering his calls. Text him back when he next calls saying "Sorry, life is very busy at the moment, won't be able to keep in touch as much" and then block his number.
Don't go into his house. Don't invite him into yours. Any conversations that happen take place on the doorstep. Consider getting a doorbell camera and not answering the door to him if you're alone or feel like you're not able to maintain a good boundary.
You can still be polite and friendly and keep an eye out in a neighborly way in a brisk, reservered, more disengaged way.

I think @BalletSki has the right idea. Nothing I can add really.

@BalletSkieverything I needed to hear thankyou.
I will text him now and will talk to DH later, we both work from home so he can answer the door if he calls.
The neighbour understands not to knock here because I will be working so he does have some control and understanding of that at least.

Incidentally I do have caring responsibilities for two elderly relatives so I genuinely am not in a position to support this person inappropriate behaviour or otherwise but it has taught me a lesson I already thought I had learnt about being kind and boundaries.