Saw mum for the last time

Chapelofrest · 2026-02-17T22:06:47+00:00

We went to see mum in the chapel of rest today and I wish I hadn't gone in, she looked absolutely nothing like herself (I was expecting her to look a bit different but she looked so scary). I can't get the image out of my mind. My dad looked fine when we went to see him, just like he was asleep but my darling mum looked so awful. Not expecting any solutions really but it was so upsetting.

CAMHShelp · 17/02/2026 22:08

So sorry you went through that. You need to remember the lovely mum she was and forgot about how she looked in the chapel.

EdwinStarrTheBackStreetsNSoul · 17/02/2026 22:13

Sorry for your loss.
Visiting the chapel of rest is never an easy task at the best of times.
As pp suggested try and remember your mum in better times and circumstances.

Seeingadistance · 18/02/2026 08:47

Condolences to you.

Years ago I read a book by a hospice chaplain and he said something along the lines of our memories of someone who’s died being like having a huge photo album. Around the time of the loss we spend a lot of time looking at the photos on the last page, as if the rest of album isn’t there. But it is, and it becomes easier to flip the pages back and look at all the photos. I’ve always found that a helpful concept, and I hope it helps you.

SleafordSods · 19/02/2026 09:08

Seeingadistance · 18/02/2026 08:47

Condolences to you.

Years ago I read a book by a hospice chaplain and he said something along the lines of our memories of someone who’s died being like having a huge photo album. Around the time of the loss we spend a lot of time looking at the photos on the last page, as if the rest of album isn’t there. But it is, and it becomes easier to flip the pages back and look at all the photos. I’ve always found that a helpful concept, and I hope it helps you.

That is such lovely advice. What a wise Chaplain.

NovemberMorn · 27/02/2026 15:53

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the pain is easing.

When I saw my own mum, I felt she had already gone to somewhere far better, so the outward appearance was just a shell.
I also have beautiful photos of her, that's who she was, and that's how I remember her.

LunaTheCat · 27/02/2026 16:11

I had a similar experience with my Dad after death.
Over time the image faded and I was just left with the good. memories.
Don’t try to force forgetting .. just let it be and it will settle.
Many thoughts.

SagittariusUprising · 27/02/2026 16:14

Seeingadistance · 18/02/2026 08:47

Condolences to you.

Years ago I read a book by a hospice chaplain and he said something along the lines of our memories of someone who’s died being like having a huge photo album. Around the time of the loss we spend a lot of time looking at the photos on the last page, as if the rest of album isn’t there. But it is, and it becomes easier to flip the pages back and look at all the photos. I’ve always found that a helpful concept, and I hope it helps you.

I lost my Mum 10 years ago and this really resonates. In the beginning I pictured her as she was towards the end, but now I see her as she was before she got ill — and that’s the Mum I now remember.

I’m sorry for your loss x

MsGreying · 27/02/2026 16:19

Sympathy.

Find a nice photo of her and keep that close.