Where to scatter ashes

[Callalilly2016]

My dad died on Wednesday. I’m an only child and have moved from the Midlands to near London. When my mum goes, I won’t have any reason to go back ‘home’ again. Mum wants me to have my dad’s ashes and suggests I scatter them where I live. She wants to be cremated too when she dies. Does anyone have any advice about this? It’s still very raw and I’m feeling a bit lost. I don’t know if we’ll always be where we are now but I know I will never ever want to live where I grew up.

Funeral directors are expected to store ashes for you up to five years until you decide what to do with them so there’s no hurry.

Also bear in mind that ashes are heavy and there are a lot of them so you may want to plant a tree or something with most of them and scatter a symbolic amount.

And I’m so sorry for your loss

So sorry for.your loss.

But tell her no. When I went to collect my mum's ashes, the funeral director was great with me. He sat and spoke to me for a while and asked me what plans.I had for the ashes if anything. Hadn't thought about it. He said to not make any sudden decisions and to keep them for at least six months.

If you make a hasty decision, you can regret it. He said that he's seen people turn up to collect ashes with the scatter tubes already with them.And they're going to do it immediately. He said, it's never a good idea to do it in haste.

And one sense has a right to say what happens to her husband's remains, but if she wants them scattered, she should be the one to do it. He's also your dad. Don't feel comfortable doing that, don't do it immediately.Just keep them for a few months.

It's still very soon to make any decisions. Maybe, when the time is right sometime after the funeral and everything doesn't feel so raw, you can have a chat with your mum about her wishes when her time comes. My parents in law have said they would like their ashes kept, to be mixed and scattered together at the same time.

Keep them for now. I had some jewellery made with a little of mums ashes but have kept the rest for now

There’s so much to do in the immediate aftermath and this is one thing that doesn’t need to be right now. I think I need some time to consider where would be best and I don’t want to rush. So much to think about. I really appreciate being able to benefit from people’s experiences and support. Thanks again

This (about the choose a still day). I scattered some of my Dad's ashes off the top of a mountain in Scotland (he was a huge fan of walking and mountains). There was a great gust of wind as I scattered them and everything was blown all over the place. I thought he was manifesting for a moment!

I'd choose somewhere beautiful that he loved. I've asked to have my ashes (when I go) combined with the ashes of my dogs and then scattered in all the places we liked to walk. But I'm leaving it up to my kids to decide (and I wouldn't put it past them to tarmac a drive with me).

The only advice I can give here is to make sure all people who were close to your dad are consulted.

I organised my dad's recent funeral pretty much on my own, as my mom and brother didn't really want to be consulted and were dealing with other things. Because I don't have strong feelings about the actual remains - just a personal feeling, my memories of dad are in my head and his physical location now doesn't make a huge difference to me personally - I agreed for them to be scattered in the scattering garden at the lovely crematorium we used, as it seemed the simplest thing. (It's basically the default option if you don't want to collect the ashes yourself and don't have any other strong feelings about it).

However, my brother has now said he would like us to be able to go and visit my dad's last resting place annually as a family.

Luckily, the crematorium is lovely, and somewhere we can all access fairly easily. But I wasn't factoring this into the decision, I will be honest.

There is no rush. Take your time. There may ever be someone who has had a discussion about this with your dad and knows where he would prefer to be. (I am going to make sure I discuss this with all loved ones going forwards, before, like my dad, they become too unwell to understand the question).

Sorry for your loss, hope you are ok. Xxx

We have DMIL ashes in a beautiful container by the side of the fireplace. Doesn't look morbid at all. There is also a photo of DMIL. If you were visiting you wouldn't necessarily make the connection. We don't see a need to part with them for the immediate future

If it helps I’m an only child & I live over 200 miles from my home town in Wales. My parents were born & bred there. My mother died in Dec 2023 & my Dad in April last year. The undertaker kept Mum’s ashes for me & when Dad died they put them in 2 separate scatter tubes & we (DH & DS & me) scattered them around the area in locations significant to them.

The crematorium had various options, we chose the crocus lawn. I saw someone scattering ashes on the Abbey Road zebra crossing once, dodging the impatient vans and buses

I was in a meeting today arranging a funeral plan for a couple who are friends of ours. The funeral home will hold on to the ashes of the first of them to pass, and when their spouse dies, they will mix the ashes after cremation so that they can be scattered together.

The funeral director did say that you 'should' only scatter ashes on land that you own, or have permission from the land owner. We'll keep quiet on their request! 😁

My dad died at the end of September, my oldest brother decided he wanted to keep them until such time my mum dies (she's in a home with advanced dementia so not appropriate for her to keep them, she doesn't remember he's died) Do remember that the crematorium releases them to you in a cardboard box so it's wise to have some kind of urn or casket in mind if you're keeping them

It was many years before DPs’ ashes were scattered - they died many years apart. One sibling could not agree to anywhere I suggested, and didn’t make any practical suggestions, either.

So in the end I made a decision, and invited the sibling to join me and another for the occasion. It was in a woodland area that’s part of a Royal Park, so 🤞never likely to be built on. It probably wasn’t legal, but TBH I was past caring - nobody could suggest anywhere better, and they’d both been sitting on a shelf for quite long enough.