Where to scatter ashes

[Callalilly2016]

My dad died on Wednesday. I’m an only child and have moved from the Midlands to near London. When my mum goes, I won’t have any reason to go back ‘home’ again. Mum wants me to have my dad’s ashes and suggests I scatter them where I live. She wants to be cremated too when she dies. Does anyone have any advice about this? It’s still very raw and I’m feeling a bit lost. I don’t know if we’ll always be where we are now but I know I will never ever want to live where I grew up.

Is there a particular place he liked to visit or a favourite memory of a place you visited, I don’t think it necessarily has to be where you live now just a memory of scattering them at a place that’s meaningful to you?

Can your Mum keep them for a little bit longer (if she is the one who has them). There is no hurry to scatter/bury them right now unless you feel the need to do so. It could be somewhere important to your Dad or somewhere important to you for whatever reason or you could just choose somewhere which feels "right" to you. I am sorry you lost your Dad 😓

My Mother's ashes were scattered in Fairy Glen ( which I thought may have been a made up / family name, and luckily my Father knew where to drive to.
However Google recognises this ' Fairy ' glen
Fairlie Glen (often referred to locally in the context of a "fairy glen" experience) is a scenic, wooded gorge located just south of Largs in North Ayrshire, near the village of Fairlie. The walking route features a series of small waterfalls, a dramatic gorge, and leads past the ruined Fairlie Castle, offering a picturesque, short hike.
She had spent part of her life living in Fairlie.

My Father's ashes I scattered in places that meant a lot to him in his life - Cuil Bay ( beach ) near Duror, Appin - Scottish West Highlands and some in the cemetery at Appin Old Churchyard where I managed to find a ' family ' grave.
The rest were scattered in a Glasgow Cemetery where we have a plot, and both his and my Mother's names have been added to the gravestone.

I have the paperwork for this headstone / plot and my family are well aware of where I wish my ashes to be scattered. Shame it's a 561 mile journey for some of them ( my ashes that is )

Scatter near wherever his parents are laid to rest, interred or scattered. He’s gone home to his Mum and Dad.

When/if you do get around to it, speaking from experience (but not mine) scatter on a still calm day. There might be a lot of ash, more than youd expect & I’ve heard of someone standing down wind who got covered.

Im sorry for your loss. My dad died young. I miss him every day & today’s his anniversary. God rest our dads’ souls. 💐

We kept ours and put them together in the end and scattered them in their favourite place.

Also sorry for your loss x

Please do check the legality of where you consider, you can’t just do it anywhere. Also consider if you want a marker or similar. Perhaps find a woodland burial ground you can bury your dads ashes in and add you mums when the time comes?

For my parents I think we’ll be throwing them off a cruise ship, they loves cruises, unless they explicitly say otherwise in their wills

My advice would be not to rush into anything. It’s only been a few days, you’ll still be in shock, grieving, not able to process thoughts.
Either you or your mum can just keep your dad’s ashes until the time feels right to choose somewhere. You may want to scatter your dad first, or you may decide to keep him until such time in future that he and your mum can be scattered together.
Is there a place near Midland’s ’home’ that you have happy family memories of? That could be an option, and you might appreciate that reason to go back there in future sometimes. Or perhaps a place where you’ve spent family holidays away? Or a place in London that you enjoy spending quiet time in.
You don’t need to make any decisions now. You will know when the time is right.

We have FIL and MIL's ashes to scatter when the weather gets a bit better this year.

One DS wants to scatter them in the river that runs through the village MIL was born, lived and died in. Hence not leaving a big pile risking dogs weeing on it and the local kids poking it.

Other DS wants to scatter them at a local beauty spot that is essentially a dog toilet and possibly not even legal as it will be privately owned land.

We already have 2 other sets in the family plot (FIL's siblings) but MIL didn't want squeezed in alongside her in-laws (not unreasonable to be fair!)

Personally, when it's my turn, I want DS to throw mine in the sea along several sets of pet ashes, any beach don't care where, I don't wanted interred or left in a molehill style pile anywhere.

Don't rush into anything.

My dad died shortly before Covid hit and I wanted to put him somewhere that required significant travel, so he sat behind the sofa for a few years. Meant I could be certain about the decision on location.

And when you do do it, I second the advice above to choose a still day. Stand upwind and hold the container low to the ground.

DH scattered his parents ashes in a place they used to go on holiday and we still do. My parents ashes are in the place they met.

Advice no but if this was me I would find a nice park or somewhere I could visit that gives permission for them to be buried near a nice park bench type set up so I could just sit and be

My DM has buried a small part of the ashes of both her DP, DH and DB in potted plants that are with her at home, the rest of them are where they wanted to be scattered - DGP around a specific tree, SD on a specific river and DU on his only so sons grave.

for me - I want my ashes buried with my DD.

DGM & DA is still with us in her urn & we raise a glass every time family is together.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. Really appreciate the helpful comments and practical advice. So much to think about but it’s true we shouldn’t rush into a decision.

Totally agree with taking your time, and when you really feel ready to scatter the ashes choose a quiet time so your not rushed.

We scattered my MILs ashes on a beach where we live, we are overseas and she always wanted to come and visit but did not get the chance and she loved the sea and the beach. So to us she's always there on holiday probably still moaning about the weather, but we always go to the same spot to say hello, it's a little bit of comfort.

We scattered my Dad in the county he was born in, his total time living there might have added up to two or three years as he had the strangely institutionalised life that was ‘normal for men like him, but he nonetheless felt very deeply rooted there and supported their cricket team. I feel zero need to ‘visit’ him there but am nonetheless happy to think of him there at the happiest time of his life which was probably his late teens. He died just before Covid so it took a while to get it done and that was ok - there is no rush.

We scattered my dad's ashes on a high point with a view of the countryside he loved to walk with my mum. It was 30 years ago. My mum and I go up there every now and then. It's not far from the carpark so fortunately she can still just about walk there. We look at the view and share a tear, have a hug and then a cup of tea and some chips at the nearby cafe.

My mum told me some while later she kept back some of him and they are scattered in the garden of their home of 50 years. She sits and talks to him sometimes.

The weather is a tricky one. If there is any wind definitely stand upwind. But ashes are surprisingly heavy and without a strong breeze or determined distribution they can form a distinct pile which can be unnerving. I can see why people scatter them in water.

Rivers and the sea do the job for you. And I had a friend who asked for his to be carried in a little cardboard boat set alight Viking style and launched on a lake he loved.

There's no rush.

We scattered my mums in the hills near where she spent her last years which is near my sister. It’s a nice place rather than particularly special to her. My dad was buried years ago at the other end of the country. We’d talked about taking mum’s ashes back there but it’s not a place any of us have any ties too. But you don’t have to do it now, you can let things settle for you a bit first. I’m sorry, it must be hard.

A favourite place or holiday area? We have a long family story about Mum, not here, but we will be cremated too, then with the ashes from our pets, and Dad would like to be sprinkled at Clarach Bay, Borth.

Sorry for your loss. I kepy my mums ashes in a cupboard for a long time then i scattered her with her parents.

As far as I know, there's no rush to even collect the ashes from the undertakers. I know in the case of my aunt they kept them for over a year while my uncle decided what he wanted to do. I'm sure they can reassure you there's plenty of time.

It’s difficult decision to make, my dad died many years before my mum, she wanted his ashes scattered in the garden of remembrance at the cemetery/ crematorium, when she died, as a family, we decided to scatter hers in the same place, but if I’d been the only child, I’d have preferred they both went somewhere that meant something to both them and me rather than somewhere many peoples ashes are scattered . Perhaps OP s mum could keep them for now, or OP could keep them until they decide , don’t rush it

My family aren't sentimental about ashes - not a single relative who's died in my lifetime has a grave, and generally ashes have been strewn at the crem.

My aunt and uncle requested quite unusual ashes wishes - one is in a hedgerow, the other in the sea, but both places close to their hearts, but with no requirement to visit for us. My mum has a sprinkling in a special place to our family but only a teaspoon-worth, the rest went back to the crem. I do know where she is, but have only visited once as I was passing and decided to pop in.

I'm not a big believer in the reverence of ashes, I think it's a bit peculiar to have human remains stored in a wardrobe or mantle piece for years yes exh, the weird shrine you have in your lounge with your parent's ashes on is very strange indeed

My DM died almost a year ago. After a chat, DF, DS and I thought it best for DF to keep Mum's ashes, then my sister and I will decide what to do with the pair of them, in due course. My cousin left his parents' ashes at the crematorium until he'd decided.