Boundaries?!

[genandtonic]

was going to post for advice on not being overwhelmed by FIL and MIL and SIL for that matter. But have just skimmed through some other threads here, blimey!
honestly don’t know how you all do it. Incredible respect. And it’s something none knows about - until you do. No point to this post except 💐to everyone.

Flowers to you too.
simple solution - your reply to everything “please speak to DH” . They are his family not yours

@genandtonic you have found the right place to vent. Generally a very supportive place. If you feel comfortable giving some more information go for it. You will get lots of advice and support from those of us who have experienced similar and navigated and for many of us are still navigating this incredibly challenging part of life. 💐

Yes its not easy. Boundaries important.. my mother is full on 80s. Then dealing with siblings. Tiring

I think having siblings with different expectations is the most difficult part.

@Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep good point. Also ones who romanticise their past and parents lifelong behaviours. A contrary adult with a difficult personality rarely turns into a sweet kind old person who realises that their adult children cannot just drop everything and give them what they ‘want’, when what the adult children cannot needs to be able to discuss is what the elderly parent needs and just how much time and emotional support said adult children cannot needs feels able to give.

^ too late to edit but here is what the last part should read….

when what the adult children needs to be able to do is to discuss is what the elderly parent needs - it might not be what they ‘want’ but there comes a time when wants are un feasible. Also to be able to discuss just how much time and emotional support said adult children feels able to give. For many of us we start off with great intentions and energy. When you find yourselves 5 or 10 years in that energy is sapped.

Blue we had ten years of my dads care it can be exhausting if it drags on a long time.

mary46 Ten years!
olympicsrock I like your advice of hand it to DH! He works long hours and I freelance so I’m the one who is around, Humpf.
blue thank you, that’s sounds like it’s come from the heart.
beepbeepalot! yes, we have a sibling too.
It looks like these boundaries of which you speak need to be mighty strong!
sorry that you are all going through this, and now I am too. Bugger!