Hoarders house and future care

[Sallycinnamum]

My parents are both in their early 80s. Mum had severe stroke 20 years ago and while she has a good quality of life now struggles as she has got older.

Their large house is horrendous. A hoarders paradise that dad tolerates but is too scared to do anything about as mum shuts down any conversations around sorting it out.

Dad has to go into hospital for a minor procedure in Feb. Mum can't stay here as she can't get up the stairs and I would have to essentially sleep on the sofa at their house while dad is in hospital.

DH and I have tried several times to talk to them about the state of the house, care as they get older and what their wishes are but Mum usually ends up cutting getting angry and won't discuss it any further.

I'm at a loss what to do. My brother is estranged from us so I have no help except my wonderful DH who thankfully will be there to help when needed.

Do I sit Mum and Dad down yet again and have a serious talk with them despite knowing it will get me nowhere?

Maybe others can come on here and offer advice, but in my experience hoarding is a mental health issue and / or generational and there is very little you can do about it. Even if you persuade them to clear out some belongings they may do what my in-laws did an replace it all within 12 months.

All you can do is make plans for what you will / won't do when the time comes and what you will tolerate. Tough as it is, hoarding is a very difficult, intractable issue and there is often a huge amount of emotion associated with it - either with the belongings themselves, the need to fill a void, scared they are being judged and /or feeling overwhelmed with the work it will take to get it under control.

Good luck

Thank you.

Yes it totally is a mental health disorder and I know I simply can't go in there and clear the whole lot out!

I think whats frustrating me is their total lack of forward thinking. They're both intelligent but just will not discuss their future care needs.

It might be useful to speak to a professional organiser who specialises in hoarding. Have a look on the APDO website. I’m sure they’d be able to offer some practical tips even if you don’t hire them to help sort the house.

I mean, you could do what I did and risk doing a huge clear out while he's in hospital. In my case it was a stress response and distraction from an emergency/accident/serious injury situation.
It did mean that I was able to stay for a few days after discharge and the discharge support team (carers/ot/physio) were able to do what they needed to do.
It was a gamble as to how DM would react, but in the whole it was OK. Heading back to the old disorder now, but slowly.

Can you frame the idea as "we need to clear some space for a bed downstairs and give the place a good spring clean"?
Then pack everything in boxes and either put it upstairs out of the way or hire a storage unit/take it back to your house to -ahem- "sort" it (by which I mean chuck most of it away).

Contact their local fire station. Hoarding is a huge fire risk. They may be able to help with a home visit and discuss it with your parents. For example:

www.london-fire.gov.uk/safety/carers-and-support-workers/hoarding-disorder/