Aaaarrg just need to vent. DM is in her nineties, lives in own flat as part of a supported living complex. She is almost certainly neurodivergent and has never been any good with social niceties or empathy, but I’m sure has always tried to be a good Mum, but my memories of growing up aren’t very happy unfortunately.
She’s increasingly frail and prone to periods of feeling unwell (but no diagnosable reason found), and during these she struggles to eat and drink, loses weight and becomes very wobbly. We’ve just been through another of these episodes and I’ve dropped everything to stay with her in her flat for a few days to ensure she eats, takes medication etc. basically trying to avoid a hospital admission.
i just find staying with and trying to help her so difficult, it’s just depressing and stressful and her flat is uncomfortable and unwelcoming. Everything is a struggle as she has never been one to eat if not feeling hungry, or drink if not thirsty etc. so getting her to do these things becomes a battle. Cognitively she’s pretty good, and she knows how important it is to eat and drink at an intellectual level but this doesn’t translate into doing anything about it. She’s always been a glass half empty type and everything I suggest is met with negativity, she doesn’t like to have the TV or radio on so sits in silence literally dwelling on how bad she’s feeling and no attempt to distract herself. This isn’t new behaviour, she’s always been like this and I assume her ND is behind this at least to some degree , but it makes supporting her really hard. She’s managed to upset several of the other residents in the complex by being very abrupt or rude to them (unintentionally) so she has no friends dropping in. She doesn’t like carers coming in but I cannot be there more than I already am. Sorry just feeling worn out with it and guilty for not being more sympathetic.