App for monitoring iPad/iPhone usage of elderly parent?

[Coventree]

Hi all, please can I ask for your advice on whether there are any apps that can help me monitor the lack of my Dad’s daily iPad/iPhone usage (with his permission), as a way of checking that he’s okay without intruding too much on his fierce sense of independence?

He’s about to turn 82 and has lived on his own since we lost my Mum in early 2020. His world has shrunk in the last few years and he has the usual amount of health issues for someone of his age, but he copes remarkably well and is adamant at the moment that he wants to stay in his own home rather than moving to supported accommodation.

I go round at least once a week and call him once or twice a week, but he gets a bit tetchy if I try to call more than that 😂. He won’t consider a wearable personal alarm (he says he usually has his phone on him so could call me, but that doesn’t help if he’s in the shower or falls down the stairs and his phone isn’t in easy reach…) and hasn’t been receptive to the thought of motion sensors either (but maybe I can discuss these a bit more with him). I have him on my ‘Find My’ app so can check location if he leaves the house, but I’d like a way to check if he’s okay in the house.

He uses his iPad and iPhone on a very regular (hourly) basis to look at his emails and get his news and football updates, check Facebook, play Words With Friends types of games, etc. He uses WhatsApp but not consistently enough for me to use his ‘last seen’ status as a guide as it’s only on his phone and he uses his iPad more, and he’d probably get annoyed at a daily call/text message...but might be open to an a notification from an app that he just has to click on ‘I’m okay’ on either device, for example. Or I was thinking of an app that alerts me if he doesn’t use his iPad or iPhone for a certain number of hours (excluding his afternoon nap!). Or a way I can remotely monitor screen time perhaps - not in any way to monitor what he’s looking at, but just to know that he must be okay if he’s using his devices.

I would absolutely talk this through with him and get his permission first, so this isn’t an invasion of privacy/underhand stealth thing, but is anyone aware of any anything like this which is available in the UK? Thanks

Would he wear an Apple Watch or agree to something like an Echo Show?

Thanks - probably not an Apple Watch (he wears a watch my Mum bought him as an anniversary present which means a great deal to him), but I can maybe look more into the Alexa enabled type of speakers if there isn’t anything that would make use of his existing tech.

If he uses Facebook, does it show on Messenger when he was last active?

Alexa device linked so he can say "call xxxx" if fallen over etc
and See if he would accept a tapo camera set up eg in lounge and hallway ? you can talk to him thru the app and just check in ?

Indoor Security Cameras | Indoor CCTV Cameras for Home | Tapo UK share.google/LUDhXYchDkg1o158z

An, we’ve not used Messenger but that could be an option, thanks

Interesting you suggest that, I was just looking at Tapo smart plugs - you can monitor usage remotely (of the kettle, lamps, etc, plus they’re Alexa enabled so we could set them up to ring me if he fell and could ask it to call me) https://www.argos.co.uk/product/1488315

If you are all on Apple, can you set him up as a family member and then monitor his screen usage by day? I do this with my kids. Not sure if you would need to set him up as a child though to enable this. I just checked my partner, and I can’t see their usage like the kids, despite us all being on the family group.

You can get WhatsApp for iPad now - I’ve just installed it on my mums iPad 🤓

I thought about getting one of the things that alerts others if you don’t use the kettle at the usual time. That seems reliable to me.

I think you can get sensors that call you if the person hasn't walked past it during set hours.

You say he has the usual amount of health issues. At 82 that can mean a hell of a lot or not at all. And I know plenty of elderly people who’ve gone well into their 90s before needing any kind of help, or indeed not needed this at all. Does he genuinely have a serious health issue that needs monitoring or are you just being a little bit over concerned as it were? You need to tread carefully here that you’re not being overbearing and over intrusive. And perhaps examine your own anxieties?
You can of course install all sorts of spyware on an iPad

Thanks for the suggestions all.

@RememberDecember yeah, I think it only works for child accounts.

@ImSorryWhatDidYouSay ah, I didn’t realise that was available now - will check as that could be a quick interim solution!

@PermanentTemporary@TeaRoseTallulah yes, those type of sensors/monitors could be a way to go. Will look more into them.

@curious79 no, no anxieties here thanks, other than pondering if there’s a way to get a bit more reassurance each day through existing tech solutions. He’s diabetic (ably managed through diet and tablets), erratic blood pressure (which is probably more of the worry as he can go dizzy if he gets up too quickly) and is on blood thinners, which combined with the decreased circulation due to diabetes, means a simple cut or a nose bleed can lead to extensive blood loss/hospitalisation (3 days last summer). Add in hand tremors, skin cancers, and recent cataracts ops, then it’s a mounting list of ‘things’ but nothing too onerous on its own. His neighbours keep an eye on him and we have each other’s numbers, but it’s not their responsibility to monitor him. I space my calls/visits to him with my siblings’ calls (neither of them live local to him, only me) so that between us, we’re in contact probably every other day, but that wouldn’t help if he got dizzy and fell down the stairs five minutes after speaking to one of us.

Lots of think about anyway. Feels like there’s a gap in the app market here for family alerts if devices aren’t used…if only I was a software developer!

Just thought, you could set up a Ring doorbell (or similar) camera indoors? Perhaps place it somewhere less invasive like in a hallway with the guise of using it for security near the front door? So you’re not ‘spying’ on him but by default you can see him going past - you can connect it to your phone and then check the camera. My mum has carers so we set up one and it’s been really reassuring to see who’s coming and going, and also she has a habit of ordering loads of stuff online so has a lot of deliveries - any problems and I can speak through the camera!!

Has he got a blood sugar monitor? Don’t many of those come with an app? Would you be able to see from the rise and fall of those number if he was eating as normal?

The trouble with that sort of app is it's perfect for hackers, giving outside access to your device is very dangerous for financial data, etc. I know you just want to know his usage but once they're in, they're in. There are remote access apps you can install, also often used by hackers, 'just download this, so I can help you'!

Lots of them out there probably overkill for what you want. I think there are some that companies use to 'spy' on working from home staff that log usage hours.

This sort of thing look at the AI bit.
www.google.com/search?q=remote+access+software+to+log+usage+hours&sca_esv=8e96b00d1f23abc8&ei=q_lQabC4LZmyhbIP14WbuAU&ved=0ahUKEwjwubOt_d-RAxUZWUEAHdfCBlcQ4dUDCBE&uact=5&oq=remote+access+software+to+log+usage+hours&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiKXJlbW90ZSBhY2Nlc3Mgc29mdHdhcmUgdG8gbG9nIHVzYWdlIGhvdXJzMgUQIRigATIFECEYoAFIkjpQlwdYizVwAXgBkAEAmAGyAaABgw-qAQQxMS44uAEDyAEA-AEBmAIUoALeD8ICChAAGLADGNYEGEfCAg0QABiABBiwAxhDGIoFwgIOEAAYsAMY5AIY1gTYAQHCAhkQLhiABBiwAxjRAxhDGMcBGMgDGIoF2AEBwgIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBcICBRAAGIAEwgIGEAAYFhgewgILEAAYgAQYhgMYigXCAggQABiiBBiJBcICBRAAGO8FwgIIEAAYgAQYogTCAgUQIRifBcICBBAhGBWYAwCIBgGQBhG6BgYIARABGAmSBwQ5LjExoAfvYbIHBDguMTG4B9cPwgcFMy44LjnIBzeACAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp