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Elderly parents

Glasses chaos and the value of a non demented escort.

7 replies

BeaTwix · 24/12/2025 18:59

Many of you know my saga with the elderly person I care for (EPICF).

For those who don’t a quick recap is EPICF is a relative, not parent, chaotic all their life with poor executive functioning. Now has dementia. House is hoarded and finances in a mess. We have a difficult relationship as I struggle a bit with the shitshow they have created with for me to deal with and how utterly useless they were when I was being slammed by sequential bereavements.

I’ve got PoA and have been actively involved trying to untangle the chaos for 18 months. They are now in residential care.

There have been ongoing complaints about vision. They do have macular degeneration and have had a cataract done. Specsavers have sold them three sets of glasses in 2years, the prescription between last two sets looked only minimally different to me yet the new glasses still cost hundreds. It felt a bit exploitative. EPICF made this appointment without discussing with me.

Last glasses were made in Feb. But there have been ongoing complaints about vision since then and there are about a million sets of glasses in circulation. It has been hard to work out which pair do what.

I made an optician appt for this week when I would be in town (i live hundreds of miles away) to try to sort the mess out and so I could understand what was correctable given the macular degeneration and what isn’t so we can get out of they cycle of going to the optician all the time. I am SO glad I did.

Turns out EPICF should be wearing distance glasses all the time. They don’t and without them they can only read the top letter on the chart, this kind of explains why when we go out they never walk towards the door, or toilet, or other appropriate location in the venue.

The glasses they had identified as their distance glasses were actually the Feb 2025 reading glasses, this probably explains why they don’t help distant vision much!

The reading glasses that have been much complained about were actually a prescription from 2 years ago.

So we have ordered new distance and new reading glasses with updated prescriptions. Distance version remains a bit crap. (Mid way down the chart) but with the new reading glasses prescription she could read the smallest line on the near vision chart. The new reading glasses will hopefully revolutionise life when they arrive as tablet usage and reading has really dropped off.

I chose two sets of frames that look completely different to help care home staff quickly identify if the correct glasses are in use and I’m going to put a notice up in her room and possibly on the wheeled walker asking the staff to help get the right glasses on for the right tasks.

I’ve done this as my grandfather used to struggle with mixing up/not wearing his hearing aids. Finally in desperation I got the audiologists to make him paediatric style coloured ones using the standard audiological colour convention Red = right and bLue = left. It made it much easier for family and carers and significantly helped communication!!

OP posts:
Mollywasasinger · 24/12/2025 19:04

That’s really interesting. My parents are getting older and both use hearing aids and glasses but it hadn’t occurred to me they may muddle them. Thank you for sharing.

PermanentTemporary · 24/12/2025 20:48

This is really interesting, thank you!

My mum had SO many pairs of glasses by the time she had her stroke. But nothing like as muddled as this, she just kept losing them.

I should think photos of the different glasses with just key words or even pictures like a book next to them would be a helpful guide.

RandomMess · 24/12/2025 20:53

I’m surprised they didn’t provide varifocals.

ProfessorBinturong · 24/12/2025 23:34

Varifocals can cause falls in someone who's not used to them. And I would expect them to be even more difficult with macular degeneration.

Lovelyindevon · 24/12/2025 23:42

My Mum and Dad had identically framed glasses. I’m sure they got them mixed up.

Been someway on this journey with elderly ailing parents. With MIL it was hearing aids, her ears were 99% shot but she kept going back to audiologists having the altered, turned up, down, now ones etc. she didn’t give a clear account of her problems, she couldn’t hear their explanations - but because she nodded at the right time they assumed she did.

All the best.

Gingernaut · 24/12/2025 23:49

Bin anything that isn't the current prescriptions

Give them to charity or give them to the opticians to dispose of them

Otherwise it will be a constant round of 'vision issues' and inability to function

RememberDecember · 25/12/2025 00:30

I think I am in similar position… I have been trying to get Specsavers to prescribe since Sept after home visit but have needed to be present. Last time I wasn’t, and similarly they overprescribed a really expensive pair.

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