Mum in 70s is so anxious, depressed & negative, should I be worried?

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My mum has always been a strong person. Has all the family over and cooks meals. Likes to go out and travel etc.
Over the past couple of years she has changed beyond all recognition. She is 73. She developed something called polymyalgia which is an auto immune condition that causes arm and shoulder pain. Had to take steroids and methodextrate which caused some side effects, hair loss, loss of appetite resulting in her becoming slim , was overweight before. But she also became very anxious and depressed.
She is off the medication now as the condition is stable but the anxiety and depression have stayed.
She now has a very negative outlook on everything, worries and catastrosizes everything. She gets nervous about going out and hates being a passenger in a car.
If I tell her one of our family issues such as my daughter had a cold, she will have sleepless nights worrying about it. Its got to the point where I can't tell her anything as she gets so worried.
When we go round she cant cook the meal the same anymore, things go wrong and she gets stressed. I've suggested she try anti depressants but she has refused. The grandchildren have noticed a really big change in her and my dad is struggling with it . Keeps trying to joke her out of it and make her laugh etc.
Does this sound like simple anxiety or depression or should we be worried its a sign of the start of alziehmers/dementia? I wouldn't say I've noticed memory issues but more her ability to cope with anything

My mum is like this she .nearly 74 she has mild angina and high bp but is controlled with medication, everything with her is anxiety riddled angst, she hasn't been on holiday for 4 years she can't cope with the "hassle " they used to go away twice a year,

I think it might be cognitive decline sadly my sibling and I are keeping an eye on it.

Oh the cooking thing is odd they usually have "oven things" during the week but she does a Sunday dinner but I have started popping in on a Sunday morning because she worries about cooking times and temperature .

I've just started to worry that its the start of something more . I really hope it isn't.
I am shocked at how people age so differently. My dad is nearly 80 but he is still going strong and feels the same as he did when he was younger. No illnesses, good physical condition, very social etc. She is becoming a shell of herself, its sad to see

OP, I'm sorry, but your DM has symptoms of early dementia. My grandma had it and the first really visible sign was not being able to cook once familiar meals, getting confused and messing things up when she'd cooked them hundreds of times before. She also became anxious, withdrawn and fearful of perfectly normal things. I would let her doctor know what you're seeing (write a letter, if possible), and ask the doctor to call her in for an appointment. If she's no longer on the medication its unlikely that it's still affecting her.

It is sad, I am friendly with a woman a bit older than my mum and she is sharp as a tack has loads of hobbies and interests still drives not great distances but still, my mum is like an "old lady" in comparison.

I'm sympathetic, but being realistic as one gets older (I shall be 70 next year) your parents are getting on, and anxiety is one of the first signs that they are feeling their age.

Everything just feels more difficult, a steeper hill to climb and older people worry about being unable to meet the challenge anymore. My DM made almost 90 in very good health but it was noticeable that for the last five or so years of her life she fretted about trivial things she would once have laughed off.

I have a Mum in a similar position which I’m monitoring but for her it’s not dementia I don’t think. We had a family crisis recently and she swung into action like her old self.
I do see someone whose world is getting smaller and I wonder why that happens to some people and not others. I’ve explained to Mum that it’s important to go out of your comfort zone to keep your brain agile and that sitting in a chair doing crosswords is not that. Everything seems to terrify her but she won’t go to counselling, won’t go to CBT, won’t consider mindfulness in a weird way she seems to revel in it because it gives her a drama to talk about. I feel sorry for her but nothing helps. 🤷‍♀️

Depression is one of the things that mimics dementia. Either way she ideally would have a medical review because none of us is qualified to say. I think say to her that you all need her to see her GP and book her in, go with her. I’m not saying try to trick her, be honest with her, but frankly I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Say to her that you’re too worried not to take her, if she resists.

I think thinking that the problems someone is having that could be dementia are enough to make you sad and depressed and anxious. What is more frightening than realising you are (you think) starting with dementia.
She needs to speak to her doctor.
But she could do with getting out and about in the fresh air, getting physically fitter and not stuck at home fretting. Maybe writing up all her recipes to hand on to you.
I had a similar thing when put on a hormone blocking medication - couldn't recall recipes I had made for 40 years - and, of course, didn't have them written anywhere because I KNEW them. Very upsetting

She is still going out because my dad makes her. But she is a nervous wreck when out and in the car.
She gets very stressed in the supermarket and forgets items etc.
But for me the biggest change is the worrying and blowing things out of proportion. She doesnt seem to have much sympathy for others who are going through something , yet thinks that her issue is the worst thing ever. She's always had good health up until now and has always been a very caring person ,she cared for a lot of our elderly relatives. The difference now is stark which makes me worry.
There is no family history of dementia. My nan lived to nearly 100 and was still very sharp until the end, just frail.

I'm afraid she sounds extremely like my DM, who hasn't actually been diagnosed with dementia, but it's very obvious she has it. Looking back, she's been declining for about 6 or 7 years (now 79), but we only really started to see how bad things were getting around 3 years ago. Very similar to your DM, the most obvious issues were anxiety, social withdrawal and catastrophising. Then she started forgetting the words for things, and could no longer remember how to cook (firstly struggling with a full meal, now not really able to make a cup of tea). Things are really pretty bad now. She won't go out anywhere much, doesn't see anyone, and she really struggles to understand quite close family relationships (she still knows who we are, though she forgets my kids' names sometimes, but she gets very confused about eg her cousin or my PIL, who she used to know really well - she can't really remember meeting them before, and doesn't understand how they're related to her). She's very reluctant to even talk to me on the phone now, as she can't remember what to say - she's got a few stock phrases to help mask the situation, but she can't deal with any conversation if it goes off script, and she always gets dad to say everything. It's desperately sad, to be honest - I'm sorry.

My mum is like this and has alzheimers - early stages.

Old age is no place for the faint hearted. It is easy to be scared and your world can shrink. It is not necessarily any form of dementia.

My DM, is being discharged from hospital tomorrow, she was admitted because of falls and investigations because she was not eating. Endoscopy, CT scan and MRI, all relating to pains, maybe dementia and ruling out anything else. But it’s the anxiety, the fear, worry and negativity that I am worried about. DM has a care package in place starting from tomorrow. The decline has been so fast. Two months ago she was out everyday doing her shopping. I will be there for DM, like you and your DSis but it is worrying. Consultant put her on antidepressants also. I hope they help. It is so upsetting to see her so distressed.

My mum is in a very similar state. I wouldn’t necessarily assume dementia - don’t underestimate the serious effects of polymyalgia. Since my mum got that, everything is just so hard for her, and exhausting. That’s a long battle to recover from, affecting body, mind, spirit. How long was she on the medication? You’re supposed to keep taking it for a couple of years.

Polymyalgia is horrible, and methotrexate and steroids can be brutal drugs to tolerate. There are links between autoimmune diseases and impacts on mental heath. It could just have all taken its toll.

Attempts to 'joke' her out of it are likely not helping at all. I think she needs some gentle support - would she try some therapy if it was perhaps tailored to coping with chronic illness or similar?

I had a similar experience when my BP was running very high. What particularly stands out from your post is the anxiety in the car and loss of multitasking cooking skills (I am a really competent cook and have hosted large numbers). Suddenly everything got overwhelming. My sleep deteriorated and the anxiety was almost impossible. I now take a handful of pills everyday and my bp is normal and life is much much better. I’d get a check up and be fairly proactive with her health. Under 50 you can get away with being lax but the older you get the harder you have to work at it.
Whats her hearing and eyesight like?

My mum was like this when her heart stopped working properly. Everything became such an effort for her, and sadly every outing was ruined by anxiety. And every conversation was about her response to feeling scared. Yes, her behaviour was obsessively self centered. I sort of understood, but it was tedious for us to cope with too.

We asked her how she felt, and she said it was like living on a volcano waiting to explode. It was all consuming.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the dementia conclusion, though it might well be a possibility. Whatever it is, it needs a proper diagnosis in order to get some treatment.