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Elderly parents

End of life without cognitive decline?

64 replies

Magnificentkitteh · 06/12/2025 14:11

My DM seems to have a lot of signs that she is approaching end of life from decompensated heart failure - lack of appetite, sleeping a lot, reduced body temperature, v low blood pressure, incontinence, dry mouth, milky eyes, I could go on. She is currently in hospital with flu and pneumonia but she also has acute kidney injury, anaemia, low minerals of various kinds a broken arm, osteoporosis. In short she's in a bad way. But mentally she is still pretty well when not asleep, and getting really fed up with them keeping finding new things wrong and treating one thing that makes another thing worse. My head is all over the place. I feel like she's in the final days of life if I'm honest, but no doctors have said this, they're treating her with antibiotics, infusions of various kinds, a bear hug blanket thing filled with air, and talking about intensive physio at a rehab hospital.

Can someone help me understand what to expect? I'm currently with her but don't know whether to go home to London (2 hours away on train) and come back next weekend, or if we really are at the end stage. I've posted similar threads before and got helpful advice but things have moved on a bit so thought I'd start a new one.

OP posts:
whatohwhattodo · 14/12/2025 08:30

Magnificentkitteh · 13/12/2025 20:17

Just wanted to update the thread. My mum is now on end of life care. She finally moved from the acute care ward to the complex care for the elderly ward and things moved quite quickly after that. My sister and I are here and will stay as long as we need to. Thank you all x

I’m sorry. I lost my mum 2 months ago.

Palliative care suggested playing favourite music or similar so I brought in a laptop and played some heartbeat episodes for her.

I am not sure whether she knew it was there - once they actively stopped treatment she wasn’t alert at all as far as I could see.

the hospital were really nice - I could store food for me in the ward fridge etc and use the staff coffee machine so I didn’t keep having to go to cafe.

BusySittingDown · 14/12/2025 13:37

I have nothing really useful to say but I am so sorry that you're going through this. It's absolutely horrible.

For the past five years my mum has been treated as EOL quite a few times and we stayed at her bedside and she rallied round every time. She did have cognitive decline as her frailty was due to multiple strokes.

My mum eventually passed away 3 weeks ago, my sister and I by her side. All of the other times I had had a feeling that she would come back around but the last time was different. Her breathing was very laboured and rattling. It switched between being very fast and then slow. I just knew it was the end.

It's so hard to know what to do. I always get the feeling that the nurses and staff prefer you there anyway, just to take some of the pressure off them.

I'm so sorry, sending you love and strength 💐

jay55 · 14/12/2025 17:09

I’m sorry you’re at this point, I’m glad she’s being well looked after. Take care.

Magnificentkitteh · 14/12/2025 18:14

Thank you everyone. My DM passed away peacefully in the early hours of this morning with me by her side. She could still understand and respond appropriately until a few hours before the end but was finding it increasingly difficult to speak. I felt calmer as soon as I felt the doctors and I were on the same page. The second guessing is really hard. With love to all who have shared painful losses. Thank you. It did help me orient myself when I felt at sixes and sevens.

OP posts:
biscuitscake · 14/12/2025 18:23

Magnificentkitteh · 14/12/2025 18:14

Thank you everyone. My DM passed away peacefully in the early hours of this morning with me by her side. She could still understand and respond appropriately until a few hours before the end but was finding it increasingly difficult to speak. I felt calmer as soon as I felt the doctors and I were on the same page. The second guessing is really hard. With love to all who have shared painful losses. Thank you. It did help me orient myself when I felt at sixes and sevens.

So very sorry for your loss OP. Sending hugs to you and your family - your lovely Mum is now at peace.

gogomomo2 · 14/12/2025 18:26

Sorry op x

been there and it still upsetting even if you know it’s coming and they are in such bad health but I hope like me you can remember the wonderful person they were and the life they had rather than the sadness and sickness at the end. Take care

jay55 · 14/12/2025 18:39

Sorry for you loss, glad it ended relatively swiftly for her.

Aslican · 14/12/2025 19:08

May she Rest in Peace ❤️

FinallyHere · 14/12/2025 19:21

Thinking of you @Magnificentkitteh

may she rest in peace

Allthesnowallthetime · 14/12/2025 19:32

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

Cat1504 · 14/12/2025 19:42

💐

SleafordSods · 15/12/2025 06:56

I’m so sorry. Death of a loved one isn’t easy even if you know that they are going to pass.

I’m glad though that you were with her Flowers

Candleabra · 15/12/2025 07:03

So sorry for your loss x

Harassedevictee · 15/12/2025 18:08

💐 sorry for your loss.

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