I actually hate my dad

[Davina1234]

He’s so horrible, I can’t cope with him any longer

Hi OP, not sure I can help much but didn’t want to leave you hanging. If it helps to vent on here then do, it’s a safe space, and many of us have elderly relatives who have pushed us to the limit.

I don’t know your history, but if he needs care that you’ve been providing call your local adult social services team in the morning to give his details and say you are immediately no longer able to do x y z and he needs care. Just because he chooses to refuse outside care (if he does) does not mean you can’t choose to not give the care. You’re an adult too, and you matter too.

@Davina1234 as @SockFluffInTheBath said you matter as well. Increasingly on the Elderly Parents thread we see people getting sucked into a cycle of caring that is unsustainable in the long term.

If you can give us a bit more information I will guarantee this is a safe space to vent and for the most part there will be a vast amount of advice and support.

I know the feeling of having tried to help a parent - their stubbornness or reluctance to listen to things that could help and the feeling of getting in a car to leave being utterly miserable. Please please take care of yourself. You matter.

I say it time and time again. Elderly people do not morph into sweet little old ladies /men they continue to be the personality they have always been. Just amplified.

I know I always say this, but you wouldn't hire a carer for someone if you knew the carer hated them - you'd rightly say it wasn't safe!

Trouble is - very common problem, very tricky - some elderly or otherwise vulnerable people actively sabotage any attempts to keep them safe. it's an awful situation.

@Davina1234
I hear you! My empathy....

There's many of us in same position... Society colludes to keep us there....

I'm similar position... Got sucked in... No services....spend hours every week on fruitless searches to get myself out of this....

If I was employed my hours and conditions would be illegal....

I'm into 4th year of this dehumanising poo...

I really hope your situation relieves soon!

Please come back @Davina1234and tell us a bit more. No one will judge you here.

I say it time and time again. Elderly people do not morph into sweet little old ladies /men they continue to be the personality they have always been. Just amplified.

This needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Cunts turn into old infirm cunts.

It's so hard isn't it? I lie awake in the night wondering what I could say in the eulogy at my Dad's funeral and all that comes to mind is his drinking, nothing good at all.

There's no law that says you have to like your Dad. Or even have anything to do with him.

Is he abusive, I don't blame you at all, can you go no contact if it helps.

Sorry to not reply. I was having a bad day. He’s just so opinionated. It’s always someone else’s fault, the tories, the neighbours etc. He hates everyone, he’s glad certain people are dead.
I know he’s lonely and missing my mum but he has alienated so many others that could help or even be some company. My siblings do their share but he does depend on me the most.
I think the guilt is the hardest for me, I feel awful feeling like this. I can’t and won’t leave him alone, he’s my dad but boy does he push his luck!!

God op its hard. My mother so nasty. I hate her some weeks. 80s. She passed mean comments about my sisters hair last sat. I felt like saying if we werent run after you our hair would be done😀. Friends dont understand as the parent is easy. Negative all the time

I hate mine as well, don’t worry about it. He’s divided and ruled his whole life and his legacy will be a litany of lies. I quietly play along from afar but once he’s gone I won’t much care or miss the man as he’s never been in my life to miss anything.