In-home activity monitor?

[lonpobo]

Hello,

I need some advice from anyone who has a system please. My mum is in her late 60s and lives on her own for the last few years since losing my dad. She is still fairly active and works but is currently down with the flu and I really worry about her getting poorly quickly and not getting help. When I message or call, she may not reply if she is sleeping or in the shower etc and it sends me in to a bit of a panic.

She is too young for me to want to install cameras etc as that quite intrusive but I have seen something online called the in-home activity monitor which appears to detect movement but not film or sound. Does anyone here use one of these or similar? I need to keep my own blood pressure down!

Thanks

You can get something which tells you if they haven't used their kettle, would that sort of thing work for her? I can't remember what it's called I'm afraid.

If my Dcs did this with me I’d tell them to get a grip! I’m the same age as your DM and still work. I don’t need Big Brother watching me.
Just leave a message if she doesn’t answer. If she’s unwell, it sounds like she’s perfectly capable of contacting someone to ask for help.

My mother has a tracker on her wrist from Your Stride. She has opted for the monitored service but I think you can use it with family members - it also has an emergency call button and 2 way communication - via a SIM card. Otherwise - how about an apple watch with an appropriate app?

When I message or call, she may not reply if she is sleeping or in the shower etc and it sends me in to a bit of a panic.

I rather feel your anxiety is your issue, not your mum's. She should be able to sleep or shower - or even just not sit on her phone - without you having a bit of a panic because she doesn't reply instantly.

Mm. This does sound a bit soon to be so focused on monitoring her - given she’s still working! Is she medically frail? Has she had flu jabs etc?

Talk to her. Say that you worry about ger getting ill and see what solution she comes up with. The classic one would just be a daily text exchange? That allows you to check in without invading her privacy. Of course she might just suggest that you seek some anti anxiety medication…

I don't think it's too early, to be honest. I've been widowed and living alone for 13 years, and I'm coming up to 70.

My own mum lived alone and had a massive stroke at some point in the night. She was only found the next morning by sheer coincidence. So I'm very aware that something like that could happen to me, unable to ask for help.

My daughters live 40 minutes away, and we're not ones for chatting online in between visits. So it could fairly easily be a couple of weeks before anyone wondered why they hadn't heard from me.

So I'm looking for something very similar. A simple gadget that recorded movement in the morning and evening would be non-intrusive, but helpful.

Yes, this is heavily influenced by my anxiety, I am acutely aware of that. We lost my dad quite suddenly and it was very traumatic. When we had him, we could always contact at least one of them if needed. It's very hard to have to navigate what feels like a very new life without him being around for them to keep an eye on each other.

Yes, she is young but lots of her lifestyle choices would put her at higher risk for several different health complaints, many that can show you suddenly so I know that my anxiety isn't totally misplaced.

Thanks for your replies

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds like you're worried about it.

My mum and I don't have what some would deem as a typical relationship and I know many will find it strange but we communicate quite a lot via sending Instagram reels or TikTok videos that we think the other would find funny. Perhaps you could do that with your daughter? It's a less pressurised way of contact. Or maybe have a chat and say you've been thinking about the future and how you're feeling physically. Your own loss will also be playing a part, the same way mine is.

It's very likely that your daughter would love to spend more time with you or be closer but doesn't know how to navigate that as your have both been as you are for so long. Be honest with her and you might be surprised x

@saraclara the website for those devices is www.careium.co.uk