DM just died, DF on bottle of whiskey a day

[Darrellstclares]

My DM has just passed away after being ill for many years.
DF was her carer, and despite DSister and I setting up cleaners and careers, they’d refuse/ cancel, and DF understandably felt the strain. We both live abroad, and visit as much as possible, try to put in Tesco deliveries/ support but they would not have it.

we were aware that dad was drinking more and more over the past 2 years, and increasingly over the past couple
months, but a man at the corner shop has just told us that dad has been buying a bottle of whiskey nearly every day.

He has been in hospital for a week - so he has had a detox. But how can we help him? We have spoken about the drinking, he lies, he hides it around the house - we don’t know what to do.

It’s a nightmare & horrid to feel powerless to help someone who seemingly doesn’t want help.

given very high levels of alcohol, I would contact his GP. Express concern.
Thiamine prescription is important & referral to drug & alcohol services. Risk of stopping that level of alcohol suddenly risks fits from withdrawal.

I feel your pain. Hard as it is & as much as you do, you have to recognise not all in your power to control and therefore can not feel guilty. X

Would the cornershop owner be willing to stop serving him if you asked?

This won’t help.

My dad drank himself to death. You are a long way away so you feel helpless, but honestly you’d be helpless even if you were sat right next to him. I tried everything - it didn’t work.

He’s an alcoholic - only he can choose to make the journey to sobriety.

Unfortunately, this is true.
Unless and until an alcoholic wants to give up drinking, there's nothing you can do to help. Perhaps just let them know that if and when they do decide to stop drinking you'll help them in any way you can.

I would have a talk with the hospital team. They will be very familiar with people drinking themselves to death and may have offered him alcohol support, bereavement support. There isn’t a lot you can do as I understand it.

My dad did the same. He even did residential rehab and was drinking 3 days after discharge.

Without my mum he had no motivation to stop.
He was living across the road from me and there was nothing I could do.

It's not you, you can't change him or the situation whether you're next door or over seas.

It's a really hard situation.

I was trying to dry my dad out long enough to establish whether he had dementia.
By that time, it had progressed enough he could no longer remember his pin to use his card and, miraculously, he forgot about alcohol very quickly.

He lived a further 10 years with no drinking.