Caring for elderly parents after losing a sister

[Bristoliansian]

Back here after a long time my children are now adults.
I lost my younger sister four yrs ago to cancer , she was a nurse super practical and lived close to my parents who are now 93 and 88.
they have been independent and healthy for yrs now all of sudden my dad has had a heart attack and been in and out of hospital now my mum has fallen and is now in hospital.
they are in wales I live 50 miles away in Bristol.
dad has come to stay with us but needs constant caring and we are waiting for a care package to be sorted for mum.
i miss my sister so much as we would be able to share the load , my husband is amazing but I feel guilty that he has to help .
any thoughts or advice grateful.

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.

I am an only child, and cared for my parents without support, apart from my husband - though our kids were younger. Don't feel guilty for leaning on him at this time. That's what marriage is about, and this will be a hugely stressful process for you as you negotiate the health and welfare systems for your parents over the next few months and years.

Do keep posting here. There's a wealth of experience to draw on as you go through this journey. Others have trod this path before.

First practicality - have you got Power of Attorney sorted out? (Don't pay anyone to do p.o.a. for you, if not. Just go to the gov.uk website and print them off. They are a bit fiddly to fill out, but there's good guidance book as part of the gov.uk files)

Best of luck. This won't be an easy time for you all but your parents are lucky to have you so close to help out. There are lots of challenges ahead, but some good folks to help too.

Sorry, should have said that this will probably be a stressful process for you . . .

I’m sorry. You must miss her even more when her skills would be so useful!
I think you need to be really clear with them when they discuss the care package for your mum- they both need care. She can’t be returned home unless care is in place for him as well, as she would end up caring for him.

So it’s a real emphasis on their combined needs.

Make it clear that you aren’t local, and will support with administration, but aren’t in a position to actually do the care.

Yes thank goodness I did LPA last year so all sorted

Next, they could well both be entitled to Attendance Allowance - non means tested and a long, but straightforward form, which will entitled them to more support . . .