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Elderly parents

Aging mother not engaging with finalising stuff

6 replies

Kittyscurlytail · 05/11/2025 15:47

Over the past 4 years I noticed some things about my mother and some odd behaviours and reactions. Every day is different. I reckon there is at least cognitive issues but there's nothing diagnosed. I don't know how to get a diagnosis and to rule something like dementia in or out.

She's in her early 70s. She can act well in front of other family members.

I had a sibling come home from abroad this summer and he was helping her finalise some housing issues because she got a divorce last year. Something that she started in her 60s. The reason it dragged out for so long was because she ever tally became apathetic and refused to chase up her solicitor and the matter eventually went to court.

My brother recommended to our mother to phone the solicitor approx every 3 weeks to require about a tax issue on the family home and to finalise that. She said she would.
When I overheard the request I knew in my soul she wouldn't be doing it.

A few months has passed and she's not phoning her solicitor or engaging with her solicitor or trying to finish some issues on tax.

When I asked her she got angry about the solicitor calling her useless and good for nothing and she continued ranting away about her. Which was uncalled for to be honest.

I realise that she's just not able to carry out these tasks and this is her mind likely trying fill in gaps or something.

Then she told me if my brother phones me, do tell him that she is phoning her solicitor. So she wants me to lie. But if my brother phones her I know she will lie to him.

So this leaves some in a terrible position. I am the only one likely realising what's happening. She's not engaging with whatever she has to do and she's lieing about it too.

My mother uses the same solicitor as my brother. I don't know if I should phone him and tell him. But then he doesn't understand what I am seeing in my mother and he wouldn't be able to understand this either. There could be potential if I was to phone him, that she would phone out mother and get angry down the phone for ignoring this.

To be honest I don't know what will happen.

I am the only one realising the shit storm that is unforlding. Everyone else would like to give her capacity until she shows herself as unfit or whatever.

Just this morning I g before I left for work, I saw her obsessive attacking the tumble dryer cleaning it. Cleaning the surface of it, inside of the drum, pulling out the dryer, cleaning all around each if the surfaces - the sides and the back. Trying to unplug the dryer to do whatever else she has in her mind. This is still only a new dryer about a year old. I know you have to clean the filter regularly but I know she does that every day. She was away in her own world for over half an hour and was even nearly in the drum wiping down every inch within the tumble dryer drum. It was so obsessive and odd. That's only just one of so many different behaviours.

OP posts:
Kittyscurlytail · 05/11/2025 19:17

Anyone?

OP posts:
Changename12 · 06/11/2025 02:56

I think you need to be honest with your brother and it sounds like he will find out in the end anyway. Lies don’t usually work out well. It does sound like your mother has problems. Can you ask her to see her GP?

Perfidia · 06/11/2025 07:30

You still haven’t moved out, @Kittyscurlytail?

AlohaRose · 06/11/2025 16:43

Some of this and your posting style sounds very familiar. Have you posted about this situation before under different names?

NeverCouldGetTheHangOfThursdays · 06/11/2025 17:08

Did you find a solution to the problem of the clothes rail system you posted about the other day?

@Kittyscurlytail I think the only thing to do, for your own peace of mind, is to move out. You're clearly not happy living with your DM but nothing will change unless and until you make it.

ETA: you've been told numerous times before how to go about pursuing a dementia diagnosis, just go back through your previous posts to find all the good advice you've been given.

SoloSofa24 · 06/11/2025 22:36

NeverCouldGetTheHangOfThursdays · 06/11/2025 17:08

Did you find a solution to the problem of the clothes rail system you posted about the other day?

@Kittyscurlytail I think the only thing to do, for your own peace of mind, is to move out. You're clearly not happy living with your DM but nothing will change unless and until you make it.

ETA: you've been told numerous times before how to go about pursuing a dementia diagnosis, just go back through your previous posts to find all the good advice you've been given.

Edited

Or the leaking oil tank or her being rude to your boyfriend or the Christmas postage or all the other things you have posted about over the years...

OP, I really don't think you are helping yourself much by repeatedly popping up under a different name and posting about all the petty issues you have with your mother. You always get the same advice: move out, and talk to your mother's GP about the potential signs of dementia you have noticed.

If those two pieces of advice are impossible for you to follow for some reason, it might help if you explained what those reasons are, and a bit more of the relevant background, then people on here might have some different or useful ideas for you.

For example, have you always lived with your mother, or did you move away but end up moving back for some reason? I know you have said you live in an expensive area (not in the UK), but you are working, so it should be possible for you to find some way of moving out if you really try. Or did you come back home due to debts, or because you are expected to look after your mother for family or cultural reasons? Are you expecting to inherit her house?

But if you just keep on name-changing (pointless, as you are so recognisable) and posting more of the same, you are never going to get anywhere, and people on MN will just stop responding to you, as it is rather frustrating just going over the same stuff again and again.

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