Is this it? Please share your experience

[NeverEasyIsIt]

DM93 has been admitted to hospital after a fall, and kept in for what turned out to be a chest infection (aggravated by mild COPD). A course of IV antibiotics is now completed, but has not made her much better. Her oxygen saturation was low, but they're having to be careful about how much oxygen they supplement and have set the bar a little lower. They discontinued her diuretics because she was dehydrated, but now there is fluid accumulation in various places it shouldn't be.

I don't like the sound of any of this (I'm not a medic; but heart, kidney, respiratory issues not resolving, and at her age...?). I live miles away, but am on my way to see her. I'm not asking for answers, but just wondered if anyone has experienced this sort of situation?

She's an amazing woman and I love her so much. 💗 I'm glad she's in the right place to receive proper care. Assuming she's still alive when I get there, I'll ask the hospital whether we're looking at curative or palliative care, but I would welcome any experiences you can share. Don't mince your words, I'm trying to manage my expectations and be prepared to ask the right questions/do the right things. These situations are hard to navigate when it's such a steep learning curve.

From my experience I would expect them to discuss a DNR with you if they have already used antibiotics and they have not worked. On the other hand my Grandmother fell at 90, had a replacement hip and lived until 99. The best of luck!

Thank you. I've been trying to get her to do a ReSPECT form for ages, but don't think she has one in place. The district nurse visited to sort this out with her a few months ago, but left her to "think about it" and DM tends to avoid this sort of topic.

It's the combination of infection and her body appearing to shut down that worries me.

Do you have power of attorney? If not and she hasn't completed the respect form then you may have to get used to them continuing to treat the infections and trying different combinations of antibiotics. They rarely switch to palliative care in these situations unless its obvious nothing is working. Also if no power of attorney, the hospital will make 'best interest ' decisions rather than always involving you. Sorry if that seems blunt, we were in a similar situation back in April , dad had a respect form but it wasn't up to date so the hospital insisted on treating various things, he finally died in a nursing home at the end of September x

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So sorry to hear about your dad.

My brother has PoA. Mum's very lucid and alert though, so I'm not sure how much we'll be involved in decisions about her care...??? (no idea!)

I'm more wondering what her chances are, I suppose, and whether they introduce end-of-life care at any point, and if so when.

I suppose I just have to go, and wait and see, and stop trying to think ahead!

'end of life' will only come into it when they're tried everything else or one organ or another 'fails' there really is no time scale. Back in April we had frequent mad dashes only to find he just kept living. In our case he finally died after a catastrophic heart attack with underlying heart failure and fibrotic lung disease. The body is a strange thing and just continues to fight on x

You can ask your DM how she’s feeling about the treatment and being in hospital if she’s on the ball. When it comes to the crunch lots of people do choose to fight on.

So hard, I hope you found her better than expected.

She can't even speak now. I think this is the end...

So sorry to read your updates . It does not sound good. At 93, we are so vulnerable. I wish you both peace at this time. 💐

They really should discuss this with you.