14 years of Elderly Parents

[PermanentTemporary]

Don’t exactly know why, but I had a look back to find that this board was set up in 2011. I’m sure there were other threads scattered about before that, but it shows the changing MN demographic that it wasn’t thought of before that.

My mum is turning 91 very soon so she was 77 back then. I think she was having a lot of trouble with her hip but I don’t think she’d had her hip replacement then, which unfortunately didn’t go at all well. Before that she was super active and independent, sailing, travelling, madly in love (not with my dad).

My dad was 80 and had his own issues but was also independent and lively with many lady friends and a girlfriend. He didn’t really slow down until 85 and died at 88.

My PILs were in their early 70s and still travelling the world.

Odd to look back.

14 years ago my lovely MIL was not yet 70, and still very much a force of nature. A lot changes in that much time. We had no inkling of the Alzheimer’s that would steal her, she was very much the heart of our little family.

I wonder if it’s harder for ‘us’ now than it was 14 years ago, or if we’re just more open and outspoken about it all.

Came for the baby essentials, stuck around for the potty training, back for the menopause now squeezed between the teens and the olds.

Yes… I’ve been on MN for 21 years in all.

I came to Mumsnet because of the elderly parents board! Early 2015 after MIL had her devastating stroke and we were struggling to manage FILs expectations. By then dad was having frequent fractures due to osteoporosis and mum was sticking her fingers in her ears and going la-la-la (bit literally 😆). Thinking back I suspect that may have been the first symptom of her Alzheimer's though it's hard to tell with someone who never had empathy and any understanding of other people's needs. It's been a good place to rant over the years.

How lucky those of you are who’ve had parents live to a very old age with decent quality of life.

But most people are on this board because their parents don't have a decent quality of life.

And?

To be honest, I don't think (m)any of those people are on this board.

I do think we were lucky in our family, but I still wouldn’t wish what has happened in the last six years, and in particular my mother’s life for the last 4 years, on my worst enemy.

I think I'm here for the same reason I was when potty training with Cod. Making something unpleasant as comfortable and dignified as possible whilst preserving my mental health.
My DH is nearly the same age his parents were when I met them. DH, was at my mum's 50th birthday party! (I'm now 52!)
I went the people in my life to have the most comfortable and dignified experiences no matter what their age. Toddlers have an optimism about the dawn, with the olds, I can only rage against the coming of the light.

Exactly this. There would be no board if we were sitting around saying how independent and capable they are.

Yes when I visit my DM tomorrow and she spends the majority of the time, like most visits, screaming I will remind myself how lucky I am. 🙄

My DM has started to feel some serious effects of advanced age (92) in the last two years, and has said she wouldn't wish it on anyone.

In 2011 I was already well into my journey with my parents dementia/ill heath while having a small child of my own to deal with. The Elderly Parents board was what kept me going when literally no one else understood what it was like to have a 'not very elderly' parent with dementia.
Neither of my parents got to be very elderly, and died within a month of each other - and again, the EP board supported me through that time.
Thanks to everyone who laughed, cried, and went WTF through the time I spent here.

The elderlies board kept me sane, gave me great advice and info, and a few laughs- and some good friends. Nice to see some familiar faces- 🌺🌺. I was twentyten for some of it. Now graduated, dm died at 98 a couple of years ago. Thank you all.

I came here over 20 years ago when pregnant and very very sick with my second.
this board was amazing right through another child after that ,family situations and in law issues.
my mum was 53 then and dad 57 and both were working full time in great health

my mum went on to have two hips and a knee,gall stone and kidney stone problems,and more recently three eyes surgeries for some horrid things.

dad has had two heart ablations and a lot of leg infections blood pressure issues but both now retired fully and at present seem in ok health.

no memory or cognitive issues apart from a little bit of forgetfulness
my dad bless him has terrible balance and does tend to be a lot more unsteady now on his feet and they have declined a lot in their way of using online facilities so I spend ALOT of time helping them with stuff like admin and accounts phones iPads tv issues internet issues insurances etc however I am really lucky that they are both still fully functioning people when I read what a lot of mum setters have to deal with.
I now have a new and first grandchild so life has really changed,I also now own a successful business which has enabled me to work less hours luckily as I’m abit of a sandwich in that if I’m not helping parents I’m sorting my own kids and now helping with a grandchild.

I look bak over twenty years and can’t believe how much has changed

14 years ago my mother was still living independently and didn't have any notable health problems. 11 years ago she showed the first stirrings of dementia, and subsequently I had to starting using the POA through ten years of deterioration - firstly she had care at home, then moved to a care home.

The one (only) bright point of her lengthy illness was the carers. Every single person I dealt with was an absolute delight, they were all extraordinary people and I feel so glad to have met them.

I could have sworn that you said on another thread that your Mum drove off a bridge years ago. Someone must have a near identical user name to you.