Grandma actively dying

[Gertrudejekyll23]

We had a call from the nursing home mid afternoon to say my 92 year old grandmas breathing has changed and they now believe she’s actively dying.
I got here as soon as I could and have been sat with her for 7 hours so far.
She’s was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 5 years ago and it’s been an awful 5 years for her. She’s been agitated and tormented inside her brain for most of that time.
I’m sat here now, and it’s just horrific. She’s breathing rapidly and hardly able to communicate or close her mouth. It’s peaceful in that she seems to be sleeping but I think it’s more that she’s drifting in and out of consciousness. I’m worried she’s distressed or scared and can’t communicate it.
I don’t know what to do. It’s 1:30am and I’m debating whether to go home to sleep as although her breathing is laboured it’s been consistent if that makes sense? I don’t know how long this could go on for so I know I can’t run my battery down too low? We are meant to be going on holiday tomorrow too.
I hate the idea that she could die alone but at this stage could it potentially go on for days? Nursing home have been so caring but can’t say much other than there’s been a definite change in her breathing.

So sorry OP.

No one really knows how long these things take but generally if the family are called in by care home staff it will likely be sooner rather than later as the staff have seen this so many times before.

If you need to leave though then do it, the care staff will take it in turns to sit with her. If you stay try and snooze in a comfy chair, ask for a blanket etc.

If you are worried that she seems in pain ask the staff to call out a Doctor.

I have a relative with end stage Alzheimer's and know the journey your family has been on so please take care of yourself.

Yes this stage could go on a few more days or it could happen at any time as well, there isn't any real way to call it I'm sorry.

We had this last year with my MIL, she was doing the rapid breathing, (Cheynnne Stokes I think its called) for three full days.

You really do need to look after your own welfare though.
Is there other family members you can take it in shifts with so Grandma has someone with her whilst you get some rest?

It's a really intense time emotionally and draining because you are tired yourself so you do have to look after yourself as well.
Also if you feel she might be distressed ask the care staff to have a look at her, check her medications etc. She will be on morphine and maybe midazolam so she shouldn't be in pain or that aware.

Thank you for the replies.
My mum is nearby but has to look after my step dad with advanced Parkinson’s so she can’t leave him overnight.
Luckily my son is on a cubs camp overnight and we get the extra hour so it at least gives me a bit of breathing space so I’m not worrying about him (until I need to pick him up at lunchtime tomorrow).
I’ve wanted end of life for my grandma for a long time as she has suffered so much. I just hope this doesn’t go on much longer. I’ve read the breathing isn’t painful/they’re not aware of it but it just is so loud and at times make the whole bed shake with the effort of it.

So sorry, it is scary and unsettling, especially in the night hours. Personally I think we put a lot of pressure on people to sit with their loved ones. I think the value is in how they were cared for prior to these last stages. I would go home and get some rest. You can't be all things to all people. Take care of yourself, your family also needs you.x

I hope my input will be helpful as I’m an elderly nurse and regularly care for end of life in hospital. Unfortunately it can go on for days and days, it depends how much reserves the body has really. However like someone else said, the breathing sounds worse to us and does not usually bother the person. Are nurses administering comfort medications or has there been any talk of doing so? If she is drifting out of what appears to be sleepiness it could be that she’s quite settled at the moment