Lovelu Dad's dying - what should I be doing

[Montypig]

Hi - my lovely 94 year old dad is now on the red pathway (?) following a sharp decline in the last 24 hours. I understand this means he's unlikely to last the week.

He's at home with my mum ( similar age, alzheimers). Palliative care team are, I am told, due today and the district nurses have him slightly sedated. GP is also meant to be coming out - they are keen on hospital but dad is desperate to die at home- we have the care paperwork in place.

What else should I be doing / planning / asking for ? For various reasons i am on my own with lovely carers popping in and out

Thank you - feeling a bit lonely and lost !

Sorry to hear about your dad but how lovely for him to be at home, how is your mum coping, is she aware of what's happening., is your dad still able to talk to you, does he have any questions. Practically you need to look through their paperwork, see if he made a will or has any funeral arrangements or wishes. Make sure the doctor prescribes anticipatory medication for the nurses, write down all the names and contact numbers of the doctor, district nurses, carers, you might want to think about what funeral director you'd like to use and give them a call. You need to look after yourself too, it's a difficult time and keeping busy or doing nothing is OK. Thinking of you all.

Some very good practical advice above. I would hold his hand, read his favourite poems, books, play his favourite music quietly and just make sure he’s as comfortable as possible.

Oh thank you - I haven't been writing down names thats an excellent point. And the reading - Babar the elephant here we come !

Spend time in the moment with both your mum and dad. Looking for paperwork can happen later. Chat to him, even if you think he can't hear you. Tell him you love him. Remind him of funny and kind things he did for you. Does your mum understand what is happening? Give them time together if so.

Definitely hold his hand. I held my dad's hand for ages the night before he died and it comforted me too

Make sure you know which services to call for all the "if's" - it may vary by day vs night. So if he becomes uncomfortable or unsettled in the middle of the night who to call; when he does die which services should you call.

Ask why the GP is keen on hospital - what benefits it might offer - so you are sure your dad and you are fully informed of your options.

And for you - make sure you check in with your own loved ones very regularly, and maybe pop out for a coffee with a friend while the carers are in.

Big hugs to you all.

Oh thank you - its such a waiting game and sitting with him doesn't always seem to be helping him - so am glued to his baby monitor!!!

He died peacefully at 7 this morning - thanks for the kind guidance

@Montypig so sorry for your loss 💐

My heartfelt condolences to you and your mum.