Christmas

[Beansandcheesearegood]

We (dh, 3xdc & dog) live 4 hours away from my parents. Parents are now in 80s & dad had a stroke last year but is recovering physically very well. Mentally he's on the route for dementia diagnosis.

He has just admitted it's too much for us all to come and stay for Christmas or for them to come to us. I kmow this is absolutely true and im glad he's admitted it as he's very stubborn but it's hit hard. The realisation we won't have a Christmas with them again. We've looked at air bnb but too expensive, can't stay with other family as no space so we will have Christmas just us amd I will go and take children up before or after for few days (dc can then stay at my brothers) i think it's the dog who is too much but he's never been left so might try to work on that....
Im just sad that they're getting old and declining. Family dynamics changing. Its rubbish getting old!
They're have a social care visit in a few weeks anyone know what to expect?

Well if it's the dog then that's easy to sort for next year, even if it's too late for this year. Find a home boarder who doesn't leave them. It will be expensive though, and will book up really fast. Your kids will be a year old and a year easier.

@Finsburyfancy thank you, I think this is what we aim at. Dc are 8, 10 &12 so not too mad. I just need to get a straight answer if it is the dog or really we're all a bit much!!

With a dementia diagnosis it could be all of you not just the dog that could be too much, plus all the Christmas stuff. All too much in one go.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

@sittingonabeach yes if I'm totally honest I think it's too many people plus active dog- too much movement- he does like a daytime nap! I do feel sorry for my mum as she would love all the kids/ grandkids there.... I think it's me needing to come to terms with a different Christmas. My brother, sis in law, niece, nephew who are adults all live nearby plus a few cousins who are close to them so it's a lot!

If you have the option to stay with your brother at another time from the Christmas days, a good way around this, which eases the “too much” from your parents, could be for you to do a weekend trip before or after Christmas, all stay with your brother. Then you and one or two kids at a time pop into your parents for a lunch/dinner/few hours one day and the same the next day. Then you all get to see them but separately and in short spells.

It’s hard when you get to this point. I had lovely parents and when we spent our last Christmas together I didn’t realise it was to be the last. We lost my dad in the spring a few years ago. My mum - similar age to your parents and in failing health is also feeling Christmas is too much for her. She doesn’t want a big meal and can’t manage lots of noise and chaos. I’m going to her for a nice Christmas Day breakfast/brunch then a short walk then she says she’ll be happy to stay home by herself and watch TV and I will go on to Christmas lunch with others.

@NameChangeForThisQuestionOnly yes I think that's a good idea. Can't stay with brother at Christmas as he has 1 of his dc and partner there but either a few days before or after we will. I think I might take my mum out for a meal ir something as shes gradually becoming my dad's carer abd I feel shes sometimes forgot in it all...

I'm looking at staying overnight in a Premier Inn (checking in 25th leaving on 26th) for my solo visit to visit my parent in a care home. I used to do the whole thing in one day (drive down early and back late) but 4 hours each way in the dark is exhausting so I'm staying in the PI - by booking now it's very good value so might be worth investigating. The one I'm booking has some dog friendly family rooms too.

@SleepingisanArt oh wow I didn't know they did dog friendly rooms! Thanks so much that's brilliant im off to Google!

@SleepingisanArt I've just found a Travel lodge pet friendly about 10 minutes from my parents- thanks so much!