Mum refusing cataract surgery - anyone else had this?

[Showdogworkingdog]

I really think my mum’s quality of life would improve if she’d agree to cataract surgery but she refuses. Has anyone else had this with an elderly parent?

Some background. My 80 year old DM has cataracts and is also quite deaf. She’s also suspected dementia but we’re waiting for a referral to the memory clinic.

She’s had a difficult few months due to a heart condition and has been in and out of hospital several times this year. During the hospital admissions she suffered with delirium, almost certainly in part due to not being able to see or hear as well as the possible dementia. During the episodes she was excessively anxious/ paranoid, had no idea where she was and suffered from hallucinations.

She’s currently living with me as she’s still very anxious and quite confused. She’s no longer delirious but she doesn’t completely remember her hospital stays. She now needs some prompting to eat, drink and take her medication or she forgets and she’s not always aware of what day or time it is. She’s unable to read or see the tv due to her poor eyesight, these were her main hobbies, so her life is currently very limited.

She has an appointment next week to see about the cataract surgery but she’s incredibly anxious and convinced something will go wrong and fears that it will be painful. I do feel my mum of old would be a bit nervous but just get on with it, but there’s no way of reasoning it seems with my now quite confused mum. I’m going with her and will attempt to get the Dr to persuade her, but I’m not holding out much hope. I do have POA.

Any advice on what I can do or any words that might convince her would be appreciated. Thank you.

Do you know anyone who has it done? I've had both eyes done and the difference is amazing. Surgery is painless but it a bit weird - recovery is fast and your sight difference is noticeable within minutes. Compared to how my sight was I'm immensely grateful for the procedure.

I had surgery on one eye and the difference was amazing. I can now see mid-long distance great. Bright lights no longer bother me. It was totally pain free and chill.

A couple of friends’ parents have had it done and I’ve told her what they said to try to reassure her, but she’s just not very rational at the moment. She’s convinced hers will go wrong, she’s anxious about keeping her head still during the procedure and is convinced her vision will be worse afterwards. I’m hoping she’ll trust the Dr as she’s not trusting me atm.

Tell her they do thousands of cataract surgery's so know what they are doing my doctor talked me through everything . All she will see is flashing lights and it does not hurt at all and takes about 15 minutes

My Dad (87) was terrified to have his first cataract removed a few years ago, but the surgeon was so kind and he was really surprised at how quick the procedure is. I stayed with him for a couple of weeks afterwards to help out and he recovered well. You need to administer eyedrops for several days post-op so it’s helpful to have someone around. He was relaxed for his second op and his eyesight is much better then mine now!

If your Mum can’t read or watch TV, she could really benefit from the surgery, her cataracts must be pretty bad. 😕

Can you tell the surgeon what you have told us and ask for some sedation? They won’t operate if her anxiety means her BP is too high on the day so may end up offering this anyway.

Or they may prefer she has a GA.

I have relatives similar to your mum who were offered both these solutions.

Honestly OP, the parallels between my life and yours are uncanny!

My DM has just had her second cataract operation a few days ago. She had her first eye done in August.

My DM has also just been diagnosed with mixed type dementia, she has been in hospital for heart conditions in the last year, and she also lives with me! As I say, uncanny!

Also, my DM had refused to have her cataracts fixed for about three years. She was absolutely adamant. I think what persuaded her in the end was the fact that the glasses were barely making a difference any more. She thought it was deteriorating vision, and thought stronger glasses would help, but actually it was the fogginess of the cataract that was impairing her vision.

She was SO nervous. Really, really nervous.

Also, my DM has cerebral palsy and can't relax her body. She also tends to jump quite badly if she hears a loud noise. Because of these two things, she was absolutely terrified that she'd jump during the procedure and that there would be a terrible mishap. It was absolutely fine. We asked about a sedative and the surgeon said he preferred not to give it - he said that if she were a bit sleepy/drowsy, she might be even more startled at a loud noise or she might suddenly realise where she was and startle.

We didn't call it an operation. We used the phrase "procedure" as it didn't seem quite as big and scary.

The surgeon carried out 28 cataract procedures on the day we were there this week. He does between 15 and 28 cataract procedures every day. It's just like a production line, it's SO fast.

Does your DM think that both eyes will be done at once? If so, she may be panicking that she won't be able to see. I find with my DM sometimes I need to point out the obvious things, especially now. So could you reassure your DM that they'll only do the one eye at once and that it won't make it worse than it is now? The improvement is virtually immediate. Could you get her excited about TV shows she could watch once her eyes are done - get her looking forward to what she could enjoy again?

I told my DM that the things she was worried about was the same things that everyone else worries about when they're having their cataracts done. That they do thousands of these ops every year, and they are a really basic procedure. A nurse held my DM's hand throughout the procedure. She was in there for literally about 10 minutes - I didn't even have time to finish sending my message to my friend!

I told my DM about this great series of books and she bought them - as soon as her eye has properly healed, she'll be getting new glasses and will be reading the books. She can't wait! Would something like that help motivate your DM?

Failing that, what about the opposite - if she doesn't get them fixed, she could lose her sight almost entirely?

Also, have you reassured her that you'll take her and be with her up to the procedure and then immediately after? It may be obvious but I find my DM benefits from me actually spelling things out a bit more.

Sorry for the long post, it's just that I've been through exactly what you're going through now - it took us a long time to convince DM but she's really glad that she did it. Would it be possible for your DM to speak directly to someone who had it who can tell her firsthand how simple it is, and how revolutionary the outcome was?

I have been dreading this for years, cataract surgery not your mum. Both parents had them done.

I really don't like people messing with my eyes.

Until I found out you can't actually see while they are performing the op. Could it be that?

there are studies that show that cataract surgery improves overall health and reduces adverse outcomes from falls.

I don't know if this angle would work fod your mum.
does she have a favourite tv show? photo album?

I think people get particularly nervous about eye surgery. My MIL recently had cataract surgery and I was surprised how nervous she was about it. She’s had hip surgery in the past and seemed more nervous about the cataract surgery. She still went ahead with it and was absolutely fine. I think part of it was that she knew she would be awake throughout, which was off putting. I can kind of understand that.

It’s a scary thing. I do sympathise. My mum had it done and it was revolutionary for her. Maybe tell her she can say no any time but you’ll be with her all the way? Keep it simple. The nurse at the pre operative appointment might benefit from a heads up, if you get her that far.

I know nothing about cataracts but what a lovely and helpful reply. Sometimes I despair of Mumsnet as it seems to have turned into a place where people have a go at strangers on the Internet. Thank you for taking the time to help somebody. Mumsnet as it should be.

My DH’s Granny put it off and put it off because she was scared. When she finally realised it was for the best it was too late and they were beyond removing. My DM had both done about 10 years ago and is so grateful for the extra years it gave her sight as she’s now going blind from macular degeneration.

That is uncanny isn’t it? Thank you so much that is really helpful. I was wondering about sedation too, but her general health isn’t great and she’s super sensitive to any changes in her medication so that was something else that might make things worse. I will be calling it a procedure going forward, I think the surgery word is scaring her, and I will continue to reassure her about the routine nature of it. One thing that she keeps saying it that it might make her vision worse, but from what a PP has said, the opposite could be true, if it’s left too long, they might not be able to fix it so that’s another angle. Thanks again, I hope your DM ‘s vision continues to improve and the cataract procedure gives her a new lease of life x