When do people usually get ‘dementia’ - IF they’re going to get it?

[CrowdedClouds]

I have wondered about this in relation to my mother, who is 88. I wonder if people could shed any light on this? I guess I’m thinking ahead, planning possible scenarios, re. independence at home, care homes etc. She lives on her own, pretty independently, though has become housebound over the last 2+ years.

She is mentally coherent - on occasion sharper than me!

Is dementia usually something that would have shown up more clearly by now - IF she was going to get it at all? Or can it suddenly appear in very old age, 90+, albeit presumably for a shorter time period?

Thanks for any thoughts.

Yes, widowhood. Because of the grief and emotional impact, and also because often the loss of the other partner lets family members see how much shoring-up they did. Suddenly you realise that the surviving spouse is struggling badly with day-to-day responsibilities. The early stages of dementia are often concealed or obscured by a husband or wife picking up the slack.

The early stages of dementia are often concealed or obscured by a husband or wife picking up the slack.

They are also often masked by the individuals themselves. I was actually in awe of how my relative could lie through her teeth to doctors etc. All justified with a smile and "I didn't want to make a fuss", "they don't need to know that" and "I'm not going in a home."

I became quite adept at sitting in places where my relative couldn't see my face, and shaking my head with a wry grin or opening my eyes wide in amazement when she told porky pies to health and care professionals. They knew exactly what I was (not) saying, but until the relative lost capacity could do little about it. Then, of course, they'd speak to me privately afterwards, that discussion would go in the notes, and all gleefully sent back in a letter to my relative who would then go berserk...

Very unpredictable. My friend has it, and doesn’t recognise her DD, my DFr is in her early 60s. My DM is starting to show signs and is in her 80s!

My GM was in her early 70's - in those days she was diagnosed as 'mildly confused' - she had been widowed when she was 63 - I do wonder if 'social isolation' is a factor. My dear Mum got diagnosed at 80 - again after a period of 5 years living alone after my Dad died.

My Grandmother is 77, we noticed a dramatic change in her behavior early last year. She became pretty vile to everyone, especially if she didn’t get her own way with something. She joined myself and my partner on holiday last summer and she had me in tears almost every night, then told my long term partner whom I have a child with he wasn’t part of our family.
things escalated dramatically when we got home. She became forgetful, paranoid, anxious, aggressive. Started to hallucinate and hear things. She had a very long stay in an Elderly mental health unit where they suspected delirium caused by long term self neglect of her diabetes ( she was very stubborn and refused for many years to take insulin when she was told during every appointment she was now type 1 and it was critical she needed to start insulin). She was discharged still a bit confused but had developed a very strong tremor.
3 months later she’d forgotten how to unlock her phone, use her iPad ( she was the most tech savvy Nan I knew) drive a car, switch the washing on. My uncle received a message from her one day saying “ help, no food”. Upon investigation we discovered my Grandfather had been hiding how bad her health had become because he didn’t want her to be hospitalised again.

We took her to A&E after weeks of battling with the GP and getting nowhere. After a few weeks in hospital she was formally diagnosed with Lewy body dementia and is now in a specialist care home.

having recently just lost my Mum, I’ve now lost the other mum figure I had ( I lived with grandparents from the age of 16) and it’s even worse because she’s still alive but she’ll never be the Nan I remember.

Feel for you, OP

I don’t think there is such a thing really
my mum was diagnosed 10yrs ago at 69 with Alzheimer’s with hindsight there were signs before that (although she did all the things you are supposed to do to prevent dementia- active brain she was a mathematician & musician , walked everyday, ate well, didn’t drink or take drugs, wasn’t overweight)
Now coming to the end of this terrible journey at 79, she’s at end stage now & mainly sleeping.
However there is a lady in mums dementia care home who is 99 who was only diagnosed a couple of years ago
and she’s only got minor decline, I can still play domino’s with her & have a conversation. She’ll probably still be pretty good at her imminent 100th birthday.
My gran got vascular dementia after a mini stroke at 85
The shitty part of this disease is that it’s unpredictable & affects different people differently and there is little you can do for most people who are affected except delay it.
We live longer than ever before so it’s more obvious because aging is a factor but apart from that it’s hard to pinpoint at the moment.

Such an interesting thread to demonstrate how people don't even bother with reading the OP!

It's about the likliehood of developing dementia when you've already reached very old age (in OP's mother's case 88) without it. Not simply "when did your relative develop dementia?"

I have a wonderful friend who is younger than me who was diagnosed with alzheimers at 59. It's not relevant to this thread.

Yes @LindorDoubleChoc I did notice that but since people were sharing their experiences I took it at face value, and tried to draw my own conclusions. As you say, I am aware that you can get dementia at any age, and also not get it at all.

I think what I’ve gleaned from this thread is that you can in fact relatively ‘suddenly’ get dementia in very old age ie. late 80s/90s having shown no previous obvious sign of it, maybe (?) sometimes triggered by some kind of personal or health issue or operation.

I’m sorry to hear about your wonderful friend 💐

It’s hard if social isolation is a predictor as as you age it’s so much harder to join things

I was thinking that just now …

Pretty much all the known risk factors apart from genetic links increase with age - hearing loss, deteriorating eyesight, social isolation, reduced physical activity, physical illness, hospital admissions, etc. So your risk just keeps going up as you get older.

Makes me wonder if it wouldn’t be cost effective to have daily social hubs that ww take older people to. Surely it wouldn’t be cost save money in long term care.