I’m an only child. My mother is very frail but still alive.
I have had a difficult time with her relatives and her wishes. I have made a few threads on this board over the last few months.
I have come to realise I can’t face a funeral. My father’s was very traumatic. As I said I am an only child. I was not mentioned at my own father’s funeral. The celebrant went further and said this to me “ You weren’t close to your father , were you?” My father decided he no longer loved me at the end. But I was the one who helped him into a more comfortable position, helped him with the oxygen tank. Stayed with him and held his hand in his last hours. I never abandoned him.
I can see why the celebrant would have thought that at the funeral but he didn’t know anything about me. I have uncontrollable epilepsy. It was a burial. I was truly terrified I’d have a seizure and fall into the grave. I didn’t want to throw earth in the coffin but felt pressured into it. I edged very gingerly to the grave. I appreciate that might seem comedic to anyone reading this but it was a real fear.
I did think about complaining and it might have given me closure but I didn’t. I did speak with my mother about it. Her take on it is she doesn’t understand how I got left out. She told the celebrant how the grandkids were his life. The grandkids being my children. Kind of without me there would be no them.
I know my mum wants to be cremated. I also know that after she passes she doesn’t want to be brought back to house in the coffin. She wants to go straight to the crematorium from the undertakers. Do I arrange a direct cremation.
Do I arrange funeral but don’t go?
Do I have a separate celebration of life service for the relatives to attend and not go to that.
Generally I believe you regret what you don’t do more. Should I just suck it up even though I don’t think my mental health it take
it.
is there a solution I haven’t considered?