When your parents set up LPA with someone you have no contact details for

[ChocolateBoxCottage]

It's not my parents but dhs. Fil and step mil have set up LPA thank goodness. However it's step mils neice who dh has never met and dispite asking for her contact details, hasn't been given them.

This is totally in laws desision to make of course. It's a relief the lpas exist. But does this mean we might not be informed of medical choices made? We can't decide or suggest anything if the lpa was ever needed of course. But where would this leave dh in regards to being informed? I presume if the attorney didn't want to make contact that's it? Does dh stop being next of kin?

Dh asked his dad for the lpa contact details but it wasn't provided. BTW no wishes have ever been shared with dh re health if they loose capacity so couldn't express any wishes as it's never been discussed which is now moot anyway.

In laws have said they didn't want to ask the offspring as they leave such busy lives. I presume if say one gets dementia we wouldn't be the primary contact?

I'm a bit surprised that, even if the in-laws didn't want the offspring to be attorneys, they (particularly FIL) didn't include your DH and other offspring as people to be notified of the LPA. There is a section of the form for this and means that those listed would be told that the LPA is being set up and means that the OPG are aware of their existence if there are any concerns going forward.

In my experience, although my mothers surgery wanted to see and make a record of the POA before they would speak to me about her, when in hospital they generally just ask the patient who the 'next of kin' is and go with whatever they say.

As far as I'm aware, there's no hard and fast legal definition of who a persons 'next of kin' is, at least not in England or Wales.

How much you will 'know' depends upon your relationship with the PILs. If you live nearby and see them regularly you will have a handle on what's happening. If they live four hours away you will have little idea, unless niece or PIL decides to tell you.

Next of Kin doesn't really mean very much. As the PP said, when in hospital you'd normally be asked who your NOK is and you can pretty much say whoever you like. But if, for example, FIL was in hospital and your DH wanted to call and find out how he is, NOK is irrelevant, they will just ask the relationship, and when your DH says 'I'm his son' they will speak to him as usual.

By the way there are two types of POA, finance and health. If the niece only has the finance one, she cannot make health decisions on their behalf.

It is a bit of a strange one I agree. Dh wasn't informed of the LPA. He asked fil when mil had a recent accident and that's when he was told. We are four hours away. Fil left for mil when dh was very young so they are about as close as that set up allows. No idea if there is a finance and health lpa. But if health has been thought about I presume they have had sorted out everything at the same time.

It only kicks in if either of them die as they are each other's lpa and the neice is the deputy if one passes away.

I guess once you loose capacity no ones going to asking you who is nok anyway? What if the hospital don't know about the lpa and we are phoned to make desisions? Do we say there is a lpa but we dont have the contact details? I'm really not sure how all of this works because if dh hadn't asked we would never know? This all feels so morbid too but it's inevitable as everyone dies at some point. But what if say only fil was still alive and dh was asked to make a choice on care? Could he get in trouble if he isn't a lpa? I guess you just have say it's for the Dr to decide what's best.

Finance is a lot easier in that way as we only need to know we don't have poa so can't decide anything. That would have been the same if there was none but it clears up applying for deputyship via the courts. I guess you don't get the time to apply for that either in a health emergency.

Feel like we need to understand it a bit better but at the same time it's none of our business really as long as it does really exist and someone can step in? It's just popped into my mind as dh said he was going to chase his dad for the lpa details. I told him his dad could have given him the lpa number when he asked but he didn't so don't chase it.

Ì do secretly worry there is no lpa or deputy but again, that's their choice fully. I'm overthinking this I know. All we need to know is lpa was considered and dh and siblings was ruled out.

You are right, you’re overthinking.

As you say, it is only an issue if one of them dies, and the survivor then loses capacity so the LPA kicks in. That could be a long way off, and it could never happen. And if one of them dies, there will presumably be an attended funeral, and your husband will meet the niece at that point and can get her contact details.

The PILs didn’t want your husband involved, and that frees you up NOT to worry about it! Believe me, having LPA is a very time-consuming PITA and I would have been very happy for someonelse to do it for my mother, but I was the only relative so I had little choice.

Yes your right. We was so relived when they said it was set up as that was the major worry. I don't think dh could cope with things financail if it got complicated like selling the house, care home fees etc. I was quietly relieved. But then my minds wonders off to what ifs.

Still the biggest worry was the possibility of applying to court if no lpa and that will never happen now thank god. They seemed so fit and healthy but it's been 12 months of major health scares and panic creeps in. Let's hope they never loose capacity and grow old and cantankerous! Most people never loose capacity. I must try to focus on that

"Next of kin" isn't a legal category. Do you know if the niece has both kinds of LPA - or if it's only one, which one? The finance and health LPAs are two different things. And do you know who the executor(s) of their wills are?

No we don't know any of this beyound the neice has deputy for health LPA. Dh was told that the will leaves everything to him and his siblings as mil has no kids. But that's all they shared. Because it was never discussed openly before this major health scare. Dh asked but didn't want to probe more at that time as mil had been extremely ill.

Dh sibling got a bit angry when dh discussed if they knew about any Lpa saying dh should be grateful they are still alive and that the sibling lives live busy lives and have money worries etc. So again not having to share lpa with this sibling is for the best as they do tend to look at dh as a bit of a idiot. In this case thinking a LPA is needed at all. They don't live in the UK.

The will isn't a issue because they either did it properly and it's held properly or they didn't. Then if mil outlives fil she can do as she wishes with what then be her money. If fil didn't protect his kids properly then then that's his choice. Sure dh would be hurt. But that's not as devastating as seeing the state take over your parents health and care.

In a way the will feels like "that's not my problem" not sure would feel the same when the time comes but we both half expect there's no estate for him or his siblings