How can I help my parents, dad has terminal cancer

[Whatusernameshalliuse]

My dad has cancer which he's too weak to have treatment for; he's quite rapidly deteriorating. I live a few hours away and have young kids so can't regularly see them. My mum is struggling to cope. Brother who lives close to them is useless.
Anyway I'm going to go and visit for a couple of days later this week, and am trying to think of all the admin things I can help mum with while I'm there. I'd welcome any suggestions.
On my list is;
-Power of Attorney
-Check whose name is on all bills including insurance, potentially try and get them put in joint name/transferred to mum
-Get bank details (maybe set up online banking if they're open to it)
-At least make sure mum has access to enough funds if his account is frozen
-Check car admin (when is MOT/car insurance etc due)
Welcome any other suggestions/tips.
Struggling to sleep right now as it's all going round in my head.. Thanks in advance.

If they use credit cards, make sure at least one credit card is in your mum’s name. This caught us out - it makes sense when you think about it, but what we saw as a joint credit card was actually a primary and additional cardholder. And when the primary cardholder dies, the card is cancelled rather than continuing with the additional cardholder.

Also, obvious thing but it wasn’t on your list - make sure your dad has an up to date will.

Is there a list of passwords to all accounts, email etc?

I assume there is some in home care provide but if not, get that into place. Also meals. Can you set up online shopping so you place the order for them if your mum can’t manage.

What would really help your mum is getting out for a break. Even if it’s just an hour. Can you lean on your brother to sit with your dad so she can get that? Perhaps he could watch some football with your dad.

Definitely the credit card

Someone posted on here once about how when her sister was dying they used to watch David Attenborough documentaries together because it was so soothing. Would this be a nice thing they could do together? Or perhaps something from their youth?

Wishing you all the best, it’s not easy.

Sorry to hear about this.

I’d be led by your mum. It may be that she’d want to talk to you about her feelings, concerns etc at this stage, rather than more practical issues.

I think definitely look at finances . What income will your mum have coming in when dad goes. Many have a big loss of income with the deceased's loss of state pension and disability benefits which will stop more or less straight away. If dad has private pensions then look into whether your mum will inherit a portion of those. I work for a charity for older people and we get a lot of calls of people plunged into financial distress after a bereavement and it's just added stress that people can do without.

Thank you for both your suggestions. Dad's credit card is in his name only but mum has he own account and uses a debit card to pay for things.. didn't necessarily see this as an issue but I'll think about it.
On the will.. he doesnt have one, but as they're married won't everything pass to her by default?

Thank you 🙏
Passwords shouldn't be an issue, he has zero online presence..

Setting up online food shopping if they need it is a good idea (she's not a big fan but would be good to know it's there if needed..)

Yes, I'd like to also get her out if we can. For now she has been able to get out a couple of times a week for classes which I'm very glad of.

That's a nice idea. He's barely interested in anything these days, and spends most of his time in bed or else dozing in his armchair. But maybe something in the background that he liked in his younger days would be nice for him.

How old is your Dad? Under retirement age apply for PIP. If elderly apply for attendance allowance. And your mum should apply for carers allowance. With a cancer diagnosis applications will be fast tracked.

I agree. She's said she's feeling overwhelmed with all the admin etc to sort which is why I want to help with that. Of course just talking is important too.

Thank you. He definitely has a bigger pension than her.. I think she'll be ok but yes good point to check. I was wondering whether I could (get them to) order an itemised bank statement for each of them to see what comes in and out each month to check that sort of thing. I'm not sure how I'd check re whether she'd get any of his pension.. no private pension but an ex- teacher with a decent final salary pension.

Thanks - above retirement age - had looked into that before and read they could only be applied for after 6 months of illness/caring? But it is pretty much 6 months now so either way, yes good point. And that's good to know about being fast-tracked, thanks.

The rules of intestacy mean that if the estate is less than £322000, your mum would inherit everything but if it's more than that, you and your brother would be entitled to some of the estate above the £322000
www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

No, not necessarily. It depends on how much is actually counted as being “his” estate (and where you are - I’m answering assuming your dad lives in England, but if you aren’t then check the rules for where he lives). Also if probate is needed that is easier with a will.

Anything held in joint names should pass automatically to your mum, but otherwise the position is (I’ve taken this from the Citizens Advice website):

If there are children
If the estate is valued at more than £322,000 , the inheritance is divided between the partner and the children. If the estate is £322,000 or less then the children don’t inherit. The partner inherits:

• all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died
• the first £322,000 of the estate
• half of the remaining estate

The children will inherit the other half of the remaining estate. If the person who died had more than 1 child, this amount will be divided equally between them. This includes any child adopted by the person who died. It also includes any biological or adopted child the person had from other relationships.

Right, I was probably being naive re inheritance. I'm not sure what the value of all their joint assets are, but it could be close to that. I'll check the rules, thank you for pointing that out. (Ps yes they're in England)

Sorry just re-read the post above.. the house (biggest asset) is jointly in both their names. So hopefully not an issue.

You should check whether it's owned as joint tenants or tenants in common, joint tenants both own 100% each, tenants in common own a set percentage each. Joint tenants would mean the house would transfer directly to your mum, tenants in common would mean your dad's share would make up part of his estate. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this, it's not an easy thing to be going through
www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

Transfer most of the money into mums name.
Make sure your mum has some stocks of food, things dad fancies ... some ready meals in freezer.

Definitely needs a will. Get a solicitor to draw one up and to come to the house with it. This is the most important thing of all.
I dont agree with the 322k threshold for inheritance tax mentioned - no inheritance tax on house, it's seperate to the £322k, if you pass house to spouse.

You'd need to contact teachers pension scheme (TPS) about a spouse's pension, rule of thumb she will get about half his pension. You will need original marriage and death certificates.

Remember that your dad’s bank accounts will be frozen when he dies and look at how your mum will manage the first weeks. A joint account will not be frozen and the money in it will belong to your mum whether or not theres a will. But make sure there is one.

It can be complicated sorting out the affairs of someone who dies intestate , OP. You don’t need a solicitor to write a will. A document titled Lastt will and testament of… and signed in the presence of 2 witnesses can just say he leaves everything to your mim. Look online for the wording.

Thank you for all the advice to get a will, sounds like it's better to be safe and get a basic one drawn up

Yes, I think this is probably a good idea. It will be a pain to do as he doesn't have online or phone banking, but can barely talk to give pass security questions etc, to call the bank..

Thanks a lot for this, good to know.

Does your dad have any nominated accoints - credit union, life insurance etc. These often trusts that fall outside the estate so ensure they are set to go to the person your Dad wants them to go to.