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Elderly parents

DM Boundaries

6 replies

Onlyadaughter · 24/09/2025 13:03

I have been assisting every week with shopping for groceries for DM and our very old relative. Relative ended up in hospital with fractures recently we have been visiting and helping out.

DM phoned me as I was wfh yesterday and without so much as a hello told me our relative is getting home in 2-3 weeks and that we need to sort some things at the house. She wanted me over that night to help her. I had signed up to a webinar (on healing from trauma funny enough) for 3 nights so am unable to go. I told her I had these on and would not be able to go. I am sure she felt this was not important and I should go anyway. I asked when it's needed for and again she said 2-3 weeks... She then said we could do it on Saturday (my usual day for helping).

I thought that was the matter over but when I texted this morning saying I'll drop by to quickly see our relative in hospital she told me she'd spoken to my sibling (who works away) and their spouse was going to help instead but now she's asking a family friend who is visiting today. "Someone reliable" she said 🙄I sent a nice text back saying that's good of them and hope they get it sorted but I was happy to help on Saturday as she'd suggested. She's ignoring that text. So childish but very proud of myself for setting a boundary, not cancelling my plans for something not urgent and growing and healing.

OP posts:
I8toys · 24/09/2025 14:08

Good that you've set that boundary. I think I have to say well if they're that reliable then you should use them more often and I'll step back. Let's see how long that reliability lasts.

ThePantherPact · 24/09/2025 17:57

I8toys · 24/09/2025 14:08

Good that you've set that boundary. I think I have to say well if they're that reliable then you should use them more often and I'll step back. Let's see how long that reliability lasts.

😁

Unless you’re waiting on an inheritance you need (for you or your children) OP, I think these miserable, selfish oldies should be put in their place and told where to get off.

Onlyadaughter · 26/09/2025 08:08

Thanks both. I think my mum is hurting and scared after losing my dad and having to deal with things, and she just lashes out or doesn't think. She's incapable of self reflection.

Will definitely be suggesting she uses the friend more often if he's so great ha. Usually she's moaning about how loud and annoying he is hmm.

OP posts:
rickyrickygrimes · 28/09/2025 08:09

Well done! It will feel weird for a while because it’s new but look what happened? She sorted it out all on her own and you didn’t have to get involved.

Mary46 · 28/09/2025 12:03

Not nice. I have good boundaries with my mam otherwise they rule the roost. Poor sister got the guilt trip as away for mid term. Neediness starts then. I get that too x is super. I say yeh fair dues to them. Lol

Roselily123 · 29/09/2025 07:50

ThePantherPact · 24/09/2025 17:57

😁

Unless you’re waiting on an inheritance you need (for you or your children) OP, I think these miserable, selfish oldies should be put in their place and told where to get off.

Thank you
i so needed to hear that today 😊

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